Brain guano

It's times like this when my brain seems to go into overdrive and just starts pondering on all of the things that I normally try hard not to think about. Just because I know that once I start I invariably won't be able to stop.

The times when I'm alone and all is quiet... the times that I can think (whether I want to or not).

Sometimes it can be a totally trivial thing that will start the rusted cogs of my brain turning and before I can stop myself, the thoughts just descend upon me, like a flock of birds.

The question that popped up was "Who am I?" and the answer is "I don't really know".

I think that I have a vague idea, I know most things that there are to know about me, but that's not the question. Do I really know "Who I am?"... most of the time I seem to be afraid to be myself, for fear of either offending, annoying or being the laughing stock of other people. I sometimes wonder if the real me is the tough, abraisive woman with the hard exterior and a mouth like a docker... or whether I am the soft, caring woman, that always sees both sides and seems to give people unlimited mercy. Most of the time I seem to squash the two together, and most of the time they gel quite nicely... but sometimes they don't and one or the other seems to gain the upper hand for a short time - usually the unkind half.

I suppose that we all have two sides to our character, nice and nasty, hard and soft, polite and rude, tolerant and impatient... it just seems as if the nasty side of me gets the most opportunity to show itself these days. I seem to be becoming intolerant of stupid people, and the old saying "Doesn't suffer fools gladly" is certainly what I appear to be doing *sigh*