So glad that this week is coming to an end!

I've been so stressed it's not been funny!

I've been due an inspection from Ofsted since I completed a course at the end of January... and I had it yesterday morning. I've been rushing about getting my paperwork into order, fretting about the house being clean and tidy, making sure that anything that could have harmed the kids is out of their reach (even though the kids are never left alone to touch things that could harm them)... and I needn't have bothered! The inspector didn't ask to look at any of that, she never inspected the house, checked the kitchen to make sure it is suitable for food preparation... nothing! All of the things I would have thought to be very important regarding the children (like making sure the house is good enough for them to be in) were never even mentioned! All she cared about was paperwork... and the fact that mine is not as good as it can be (even though I was taught to do it the way I am doing it) and she gave me a Satisfactory (rather than Good or Outstanding, which I didn't care about). Satisfactory means that they will not be back for three to four years and I can get back to doing what I consider more important than drowning in a sea of paperwork... actually having fun and playing with the kids, making sure they are safe and happy and grow up to be good people!

I remember when this job was fun, when I felt excited to get out of bed in the mornings as a new day meant doing new things and seeing the results in the children I cared for. Now, I dread waking up sometimes as I never know if the day will bring more paperwork that I have to have... and every minute I spend with the paper is another minute I don't spend with the kids.I was taught that the "needs of the child are paramount" but Ofsted seem to value paperwork over children and I don't agree with that. I now have to prove on paper that I can do a job I've been doing for 17 years without a complaint!

At one stage I even began to resent the three year old we had just taken on, as his arrival here brought all of the paperwork into effect... how bad is that? He can't help being three, and it was not his fault that he caused me such stress in all of the paper that happened because of his starting with us.

One thing has become clear to me, though, because of all of this... I will never take on another child under the age of six (they have to be in the first real year of school). I am not going to go through this thing again as the paperwork is really beginning to become a burden. It takes away my imagination as all activities have to be planned weeks in advance and in accordance with the statutory guidelines as laid down by Ofsted. That is not the way I work, I see what kids are interested in daily and try and get stuff together that holds their interest... I don't even plan what I'm having for dinner tonight, let alone what I'm going to with the kids a week from now!

All outings also have to have a dry run first, with no kids present and a risk assessment must be done as well... we couldn't even take the kids to the shops as we have to do it first before the kids can go and the route you take when you assess it is the route you have to take on the day - then Ofsted say that the kids have to go out more often (even though it is them that has made doing so so difficult as to be almost impossible!)

You just can't win!

Update

Well, so much has happened.

1) Angel-boy's face is almost healed. The visit to the vets went well, I was in and out within 15 minutes. The abscess was not very big at all (so glad I didn't wait) and there was virtually nothing in it, so it was easy to drain. The only evidence of it now is a small scab and a large area of shaved face (which is funny), though fortunately he didn't lose any whiskers.

2) My job isn't as bad as I though it was... we had a visit from an Ofsted woman today and although it wasn't the best, the situation is not so bad that we have to cease looking after kids (which I was worried about). There is so much to do now, and I'm hoping that the courses we are waiting to start will help to sort it out. I think our positive attitudes and the fact that we acknowledged that we did things wrong and are prepared to change... it went a long way admitting we made mistakes in the past and we are determined to change for the future. We still have to have an inspection sometime in the near future, but I'll try and worry about that later.

We don't have to go on an eight week course, now... just the four courses that we are missing. I felt better when I found out about that. The supervisor of the woman that came to see us agreed that it was insulting to make us attend the same courses as someone new to the job. Also, after reading the stuff she left for almost a solid week (in between actually looking for the kids, which I have to admit Mum has done more of than I have... I seem to handle the paperwork better and she better handle the kids, so it all works out well for us in the end, lol) I was able to talk to the Ofsted woman and not sound like a total idiot. I seem to read the stuff and then pass that knowledge along to Mum as she is not a great reader and I am an avid reader. I was even able to correct the woman about the main abuse catergories (she said five, I said four - and I was right, lol).


Anyway... I am gradually calming down now after seeming to have lived on a knife-edge for the past week. Hopefully I'll get a better night's sleep tonight... I tend not to worry as long as I know where I stand, plus, I have most of next week off, so I'll get a bit of holiday time (at worst I am working only two days, Wednesday and Friday, but hopefully the kids' Dad is trying to get the Friday off). Fingers crossed (also, without the kids here I can get out and get some outing risk assessments so that I can take them places once they come back, lol).

That's a relief.

Ross never arrived today... he's not feeling well, and neither is Sissy, so he's not coming up until Thursday.

I have to say that I'm very relieved... I really wasn't looking forward to spending three days in the company of a total stranger (and a stranger that doesn't seem happy unless he's either with Sissy 24/7 or else knows where she is! He's a very smothering person, it seems like).

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I have to go and collect the car between 10-10.30am, and I'm incredibly nervous (as it's a totally different car than I'm used to) but I'm also looking forward to being able to do all the things that not having a car has meant I've not been able to do, like a proper weekly shop (which nearly killed me last week as I dragged a huge shopping trolley up the hill full of cans, bottles and fruit!), running my parents the places they want to go, and even silly things like going to the local chip shop and buying some tea!

Roll on tomorrow :)

A little good news...

... we went to the fracture clinic, and after spending two hours there, all told, the doctor said that Mum hasn't got any kind of break in her elbow, arm or neck and she just has a bad sprain and bruising and stiffness from the fall. So happy that nothing's broken... we celebrated by doing... the weekly shop! How damned exciting, hehehe!

Back to black

My hair is now black again... after a very sweaty day of having to wear a hat whenever I went out, I decided to just go back to having black hair... at least now I can leave the house and not worry about the wind blowing my hat away and having everyone laughing at my freakish hair, LOL!!

I have never been so relieved than when I removed the towel from my head and saw a whole head of hair the same colour staring back at me, hehe... looks like black is the new me from now on, LOL!

A quick update...

... Joshie is doing well and out of the hospital. He has lost so much weight, though... a whole stone (12 pounds) in nine days!! He never had that much meat on him to start with so he looks really skinny now. He is eating and walking around, though, so he's on the mend. Thank you to all that kept him in your thoughts   (((hugs)))



Sissy is back again for the weekend. It was the scareist drive I have ever done... most of the motorways on the way down and back have no lights on them for huge long stretches, and I've never driven in the dark before. I love the person that invented cats' eyes, though, would love to give them hug as sometimes it was so dark that without them I'd have been in trouble... especially when the air got misty a few times :( Such a weird sensation to be in the dark, yet be dazzled by headlights from other cars at the same time. Mum got so nervous that in the end I was doing 50mph on the M25, so as you can imagine I was being overtaken all the time.. not that I cared, I was a bit nervous myself. I have a feeling that I'm going to be doing it all over again on Monday night to take her back... what joy, LOL!!!

Not all bad, though... I only took one wrong turn... I must be getting better with practice, hahaha!!!


I also don't think that I have a yeast intolerance after all... I've been eating bread all week (after having some toast, just to test it out) and I've had no adverse effects at all. So it can't be that and I have run out of ideas of what it can be  **sigh** The search for my digestive gremlin continues......

I feel really fed-up!

Ever had one of those days where you feel really fed-up for no reason you can think of? That's how I feel today. I have zero patience for stupid things and all I want to do is to be left alone! Not possible when you work with kids and they are still here   **sigh**

I've felt sort of weird for a while now, and it's nothing that I can put my finger on. I just feel sort of, blah, like everything is too much trouble and all I want to do is eat nice things and watch Last of the Summer Wine. I don't really feel like posting in forums, in fact I've just resigned from the big one I'm staff at today, I just can't be bothered with it anymore. Whether it's the "**had Bonfire Night, long time til Christmas type feeling**" I have no idea... I just seem to have zero tolerance for idiocy and people being dumb (bad news in this house, as my Dad has a passion for really winding me up by playing both parts extraordinarily well!!  *sigh*)

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to hibernate... it would be so very helpful right about now!


On a good note, though, Josh is out of the hospital and on his way up here as I write... I'm so glad that he is feeling better... not 100% well, but definitely on the mend :)... can't wait to give him a hug when he gets here. He's here!!!!!


{edited to add} Josh has lost a stone in weight (12 pounds) in nine days!! No wonder he looks so thin and gaunt... he was built like a bean pole before all of this!



**as said by Bren from dinnerladies**

MOT day for the car...

... IT PASSED!!!!! I am so very, very, very, very happy and relieved... all it needs is some new front windscreen wiper blades. That was the longest 35 mintues of my life! LOL!!

I now owe Selene (my patron goddess) an offering of white wine (her choice) for giving me the strength to get through the past week! I have the wine sitting beside me and am just waiting until later on to go and make the offering in my cauldron first and then I shall use it as a libation on the garden tomorrow.

Interview over...

... and Kyah starts on Monday! The little girl didn't want to leave, and I have to say that she wasn't as bad as I thought she would be. Ben was the problem, he was a complete git, refused to do anything other than what he wanted to do, he was rude, cheeky, disobedient and just a general hell spawn!

The only thing that Kyah did that did annoy me was spend three quarters of the coins that I managed to save on FarmVille on a pink tractor! I also noticed that she sold one of my violet hay bales (which was a gift as you can't buy them) and bought two blue ones (which I have since sold)... I wouldn't mind, but you can only get back 5% of the coins that things cost, so the tractor cost 30,000 and all I'd get back is 1,500... that is so wrong!!!

Oh well... at least I learned a valuable lesson for the future... no-one gets to touch my computer!