Everyday I think of something to say to you that I'm unable to say, and I'd give anything to be able to tell you how much I love you and give you one last hug.
My deepest regret is that we left the hospital to get you more clothes, and you being you, you decided to leave when we had gone! We got a call from the nurse telling us we had better get back to the hospital straight away... and by the time we got there it was too late... you'd gone.
I remember sitting there, staring at you and not knowing what to do... I'd never seen someone I love die before... neither had I ever been near the body of someone that had departed. I felt numb and I was more upset at seeing my Mum upset, as I hate to see her cry and I cry, too.
I tried to be strong that day and afterwards for Mum. I cracked on New Years Eve, when I stood outside the house, watching the fireworks from The Millennium Dome and I just burst into tears, sobbing how much I missed you.
I still do, and I'm trying not to cry now, but I'm failing miserably.
Be at peace, darling, and I pray always that you are with Grandad Jack and Uncle Jim, and that you are happy... wherever you may be.
People ask me why I always wear black, and I tell them I am forever in mourning, as I am and always will be... for you and for others I have lost. It helps me to remember the past, though I try not to dwell in it too much, for I know that you would have hated to see me sad.
Until we meet again, you have my love.
