Why do I let people make me so angry?!

Why do I give them that power?! I really shouldn't... they have no power over me, but I seem to allow them to push my buttons and walk all over me - why do I let them do that to me?!?!

Same with voicing my opinion... why am I so afraid to do it? I have a strong opinion on things, but I seem to keep it inside for fear of offending others or having them disagree with me publically. People often times disagree with me, I'm fine with that... but I can't seem to handle having to defend my opinions to other people. Why should I have to... I don't make others do that, if people want to say or believe whatever they like, that is up to them. I don't pick apart other people and ask why they believe and say the things they do... but others do that to me (and it freaks me out, if I'm honest).

It makes me second guess myself. I start to doubt myself, and if you can't trust yourself then who the hell can you trust?! You become the puppet that is controlled by others, and I don't want that happening to me! I never write things so that people can pick them apart and challenge me about them... I write things and would prefer for them, and me, to be left in peace. Ask questions, or for clarification, that's fine... I'm happy to go into further detail (if I can), but I hate debate and do not see the point in it, so I don't do it. Have a chat, or a discussion, fine... but to me, debate is trying to change the views and opinions of others by some kind of force, and I abhor it!

Don't get me wrong, I can be a total bitch when I need to be, or if I'm in the wrong mood... but I really don't like having to behave that way - and it usually gets triggered when I feel backed into a corner and can see no other way out. Maybe I should stop feeling as if I am the cause of problems all the time... sometimes people just lash out at the first person they come into contact with (and it seems as if I am often times that person).

Maybe I have a problem with negativity, especially when it's directly pointed at me. My self confidence is not high enough to be able to ward of attacks (real or perceived) from other people... especially when the very people doing it are people that have done it in the past, and that have sworn to never do it again! It makes me feel like I can't trust people, like I want to withdraw into my shell and not come out.

I sometimes feel as if I am walking a tightrope, desperately trying not to look down or fall, but then I have people telling me to do just those things. Sometimes I feel totally trapped... not a nice way to feel.

Probably because I am a Libra, a peacemaker, but I often wonder why people see the need to stir up drama and trouble... I just don't understand the reasons for doing that. Why can we just not agree to disagree and shut up and move on? Is that really so difficult to do (not to me, but then I think I'm in the definite minority there  **sigh** )