I'm very sorry she has that, don't get me wrong I wouldn't wish something like cancer on my worst enemy - I'm just not sure how to react about it. The fact is we are not a close family and apart from one ten minute meeting when we turned up at my Nan's as she was leaving (sometime last year I think) the last time I can actually remember meeting her was at my grandfather's funeral... fifteen years ago!
How do I react to this news? I can't be upset and become hysterical as I really don't know her - I know my next door neighbour better than I know her. I can't be a hypocrite and act devastated. On the other hand she is still family, my father's sister so I can't just brush it aside either.
Part of me thinks she's luckier than most as she gets the chance to put her affairs in order, heal any bad blood and say goodbye to those that matter - that is more than a lot of people get. It was more than my uncle got (Mum's brother), his car slid on black ice about ten years ago, his car smashed into a wall and he was killed instantly. Of the two deaths I know which one I'd chose.
I'm sad that she won't get to see her grandchildren grow up, I'm sad that she's going to die from a disease that we should be able to find a cure for, I'm sad that her passing renders my cousins as orphans in their thirties (although if life goes as it should we will all become orphans one day) - but personally I don't know what to feel. My lack of knowing what to do is confusing the hell out of me.
Part of me is cold and thinks "life goes on, it's something we all have to face one day". The other part wants to cry, wants to be able to do something to help her (and my cousins) - but as we're not close I can't do that.
Plus my grandmother is not to be told, she has a history of mental health problems so I can understand the thinking. On the other hand she is 89 and is going to lose one of her children, her favourite child, her only daughter. She is going to have to face the nightmare no parent should ever have to endure - burying one of your own children. We know; and we can't tell her, warn her, prepare her for the crushing blow that will one day hit her - one day soon. Nan was emotionally battered by my grandad passing fifteen years ago and has never got over it. If this doesn't kill her I don't know what will :o(
