***Post shamelessly copied from Goth.net so that I don't have to go searching for it again!***
I was stumped for a bit in how to answer this question. It seems like I've been goth for ever and I'm having a hard time remembering when I wasn't! I found a reply to an old thread and it's still valid for me (except I'm now 36).
Like others it wasn't that I woke up one morning and thought "I'm a Goth!"... it was actually listening to the band HIM that got me interested in more alternative music (when HIM were alternative, in their early days ). Also watching NCIS and seeing that Abby Sciuto was Goth and not miserable and gloomy as Goth's in the media are usually portrayed, piqued my interest and I used the internet to do some research into the subculture. My entry points seem quite banal now, looking back, but I suppose that everyone has that small "something" that starts the Goth ball rolling for them that probably wouldn't make that much sense to others.
I'd worn black for years, usually because I had to as clothes in my size used to either come in black or white, never patterns and I was used to wearing black. Now I don't feel comfortable in any other colour, especially when I leave the house, and I actually have trouble finding stuff in black as it's all garish florals and bright colours that make me look like some kind of huge walking tent... I tend to buy things in white cotton in my size and then dye them at home if I have no other option.
I started dying my hair black, semi permanent at first, and then permanent (though now I'm back to my natural colour as the dye made my hair start to fall out!) and I miss my black hair as I got used to seeing it... I also felt and looked younger and now I feel older than my actual 33 years My hair is also about 25% white now and I was having to do the re-growth every three weeks, which was also getting expensive, so I chopped it all off and I think I'll be one of those Goths that doesn't dye their hair (though sometimes I feel sort of less of a Goth without my black tresses... silly, but I can't help it).
Apart from dying my hair and buying some new music all of the rest was already there and so wasn't a big change to me, really... I've always been thought of as weird by family and friends, and I found total freedom in being able to just be the person I always wanted to be, but was afraid to let out. Now I wear what I want, listen to what I want and I don't feel the need to hide a part of myself that is a basic part of who I am. Maybe because I'm Pagan, but I find that both Paganism and the Goth subculture seemed to gel seamlessly for me and if anything one enhances the other and I find no conflict between them.
The funny thing is that most people didn't even notice when I started dressing more Goth-like which makes me think that I'd been Goth for ages, I just never realised it. I seemed to phase in my change of attire over a few months... purely because I was collecting a girl from a fairly strict Roman Catholic school and it was easier than to just jump in at the deep-end.
I've always been drawn to the things that other people tend to shun, the dark, the weird, the alternative and being Goth, to me, is one of the few things in my life that makes perfect sense (just like being Pagan) and that allows me to do the things I like without fear.
It just hit me when I read a few of the replies in the other thread, that I've become a teenager in my 30s! I remember seeing bands like The Cure and Siouxsie on Top of the Pops when I was a teen and I hated them, really loathed them. Now I adore them... and I shudder to think of my life with the album Disintegration... what a nightmare!!
I've always been a rock chick, but it has only been lately that I've come to appreciate the bands that I couldn't understand in my youth. Stuff that I considered 'noise' like Nirvana (I know not goth) I finally see what I didn't all those years ago.
I was a total sheep when I was at school with music and fashion... anything to avoid more bullying. I just went with the crowd and did nothing to stick out. It has only been in the last 5-6 years that I've really allowed myself to be myself. Sad really, but better late than never. I'm always 'late to the party' it seems.
