Sitting in a car park with time on my hands...

... and for some reason I bought a bible with me, in case I wanted something to read (don't ask me why). So I open it and start reading and I realise that the words mean nothing to me. I don't feel inspired in any way, even the parts that used to mean something to me (like Psalm 23 and 1 Corinthians 13.4-8)... they are just words on a page. I don't find them meaningful anymore. I wonder if I ever did.

As I sit here, in this car park in front of a clinic, I can see pyracanthus bushes, laden with berries - and a small holly, also smothered in berries. Until a short while ago there were dozens of tiny birds chirping and hopping about, flitting from branch to branch and seeming to be playing a game of chase. Just being birds. I felt my heart lighten at the sight of them, and a feeling of joy filled me, I felt so privileged to have been a witness to their lives, even for a few minutes.

And then the words of a dear friend of mine suddenly came back to me "why have a moon goddess when you have the moon?" And I finally understood, at a soul-level, what he meant. Why do I need a deity when I have nature. I'm unsure about the existence of gods, I cannot prove that they are here or not... but I have all the evidence I could ever need for the existence of nature. I can see it, touch it, prove that it's real. Why should I spend anymore time trying to prove the un-provable when I have all the proof for something undeniably real right in front of my eyes?!

No words on paper have ever made me happier than when I see the first flowers of spring, and no perfume is as sweet as that of real flowers - nothing can compare to a hyacinth or the scent of a rose that has been warmed by the sun.

Nature has a part of me that no god could ever possess, a huge part that is not for sale. I don't care how this planet came to be, it doesn't interest me. I just know it is here, and so am I, the rest is pure conjecture on both sides (be it big bang or god/s did it).