So...

... not too sure what to write here, to be honest. The blogging bug seems to have gone into hibernation for the winter. I've not even written my paper journal (which is weird for me). Maybe it's to do with the weather, the pain I'm in and the fact that I now have a cold - and for some unknown reason the worst backache I've had in years. Whatever it is, I just can't seem to settle to write anything down. I wonder if the constant thought of my efforts being discovered is putting me off, or whether I'm just too tired/lazy/meh to actually think about things to write about? lol.

I have been thinking about my path, though, so maybe I should write about that?

For some reason I can feel my connection to the Moon deepening... I'm not sure just how it is, or what it entails, but "something" feels different.

I was thinking about "The God", too... the male aspect of deity and the fact that after the initial meeting with Pan that nothing more has happened. It's so weird, but I feel no connection to any male deity whatsoever... even Pan just gets a feeling of "that's nice... and?" from me these days. I was thinking that I might be one of these pagans that doesn't "have a god" (although I do believe in the existence of them/Him). Then I got to thinking, is that wrong? I know in some pagan circles that having the female without the male is frowned upon, deity being both sexes it really should be that you honour both, too... but can you really do that if you feel no connection to a male godhead? Not sure how to go about doing that... to say "Lady Selene and My Lord  {blank} " just feels very wrong to me. I don't really see the need to try and force myself upon a God that doesn't want me (and if They want you They let you know, lol!).

I was also thinking about my relationship with Selene and how do I know that I actually have one and I'm not deluding myself? The short answer is that I don't... I have no idea just why I am so sure that I'm a Moonwitch (I was called that by a very dear friend, and it makes perfect sense to me, so I've adopted that title). I don't even know what a Moonwitch actually is, nor what they do, how they practice, nothing! At the present time I can only say that I am a Moonwitch and my brain tells me that whatever I do is what a Moonwitch does, lol... (sounds quite arrogant, I suppose, but it doesn't when I think it, only when I write it down).

Pathworking meeting finally makes sense!

Years ago I did a pathworking... it was my only time and I didn't get very far with it before I was warned off (short story, the face of the Goddess morphed into something with huge serpent-like fangs as I tried to hug her, and I was scared and took it as a sign that I wasn't ready to go further at that time).


Anyway... before I was scared off I had got to a clearing where I saw the Lord and Lady... now the Lady was beautiful with long silver blonde hair and she was wearing clothes that sort of reminded me of the kind of clothes that peasant girls used to wear in the Medieval period (just like Aurora/Sleeping Beauty wears when she's hidden from Maleficient)... so over the years I've come to associate the Lady I saw with Selene, Goddess of the Moon. I've felt connected to the moon for years, so that makes sense (well, to me, lol).

Now, the Lord that was with her was half man/half goat, and I always wondered if it was Pan, Cernnunos or a deity as yet unknown to me. Lately I've been somehow drawn to Pan, but I could never see a connection between Pan and Selene. The info on Selene is meagre, to say the least and I don't recall reading about Pan (although it is mentioned very briefly in the Wiki article about Selene, although at the time I first read her article a year ago I was not even registering male deities, I was more eager to learn about her. I haven't read it since then until I just went and read it following a link from the Pan entry to cross-reference it).

However, tonight I found something whilst reading the Pan entry at Wikipedia that suddenly made my pathworking make sense:

Quote:

Erotic aspects Pan is famous for his sexual powers, and is often depicted with a phallus. Diogenes of Sinope, speaking in jest, related a myth of Pan learning masturbation from his father, Hermes, and teaching the habit to shepherds. Pan's greatest conquest was that of the moon goddess Selene. He accomplished this by wrapping himself in a sheepskin to hide his hairy black goat form, and drew her down from the sky into the forest where he seduced her.

That would explain why they were in the clearing, sitting by a fire together as I approached them... they were lovers. I couldn't have known that two years ago, I'd never even heard of Selene then and I'd never read anything about the Greek Pantheon (I only had a basic knowledge, the kind you pick up without even realising it). I only fully realised they were connected to each other (apart from being in the same pantheon) about 30 minutes ago... but I was told two years ago.

To say I'm stunned is an understatement!