I've changed the background to something bright and cheerful...

... because I'm sick and tired of winter now. I'm fed up of being cold and I'm bored of grey skies and dreadful weather! Roll on spring, I say (and I don't like warmer weather in the main, but I'm a bit disheartened with it being so bleak and miserable all the time).

I quite like tulips, they aren't my favourite flower, but I love the myriad colours they come in and they certainly do have a knack of cheering up dullness.

I've finally got the results from the doctor. Turns out I have a severe vitamin D deficiency. I'm now on a super strength supplement tablet (which is vile, by the way... note to companies making these things - if a tablet has to be either sucked or chewed you could at least make it taste pleasant... is that too much to ask?) I've only taken two so far as they are one a day, so I haven't noticed any change yet as it's too early. I just hope that they work... I don't know what happens if I still feel like crap in a few months time. What if the vit D thing is just something they found and not the cause of the aches and pains I'm suffering from? I guess I shall have to cross that bridge if I ever come to it.

I wish that sciatica was as quick to abate as it is to arrive... it can take seconds for it to appear and you're in agony for days/weeks until it decides to pack it's painful bags and sod off again! Mine seems to have come to stay for longer than the weekend, though. I hope it's not going to be visiting for much longer... I've been in bed for two days and already I feel like I'm going mad lol. Unlike last time it is mainly in my left leg so sitting isn't too bad, it's walking and bending that leaves me gasping for air. As I can sit down I've been trying to get some writing done.

I like writing, when I'm in the mood (which isn't very often as my concentration span is minute at the moment... pain does that to me) - but I found a book I started writing almost two years ago. It's set in London during the Blitz and it follows the life and struggles of a young woman called Tilly. I'm thinking of making her under twenty, that way she won't be conscripted into war work and I can develop her character more fully. Of course she'll volunteer for something, probably the WVS as I have first hand diary accounts of that branch of the voluntary services I can draw information from. I had only written a basic 'chapter one' before I put it down the first time (yeah, I'm easily distracted!)
  I'm unsure as to how long the piece should be, a full novel, novella or short story? I'm leaning towards novella and see how I go... it can be edited down or padded out to become either of the others if I find the story grows or I run out of ideas hahaha. I like to keep my options open.
  Normally I write poetry... mostly short and they have to rhyme. I don't like poetry that doesn't rhyme, it makes no sense to me, it doesn't 'flow'. I'm not a natural novelist, and I envy those people that seem to have hundreds of pages of stuff floating about in their brains. Part of my problem is that I'm impatient to get it all written down... so many times I have good things in my head and by the time I come to write them down they have disappeared, never to return! So frustrating to me, and I begin to lose heart, and interest, so I just stop. I also struggle in being descriptive, of conveying the pictures I have in my head down for others to read about and absorb.
  Apart from poems I have only ever completed one novella, in my life. A murder mystery, all written in long hand, and probably not very good... but at least I can say I have written one book lol.

Anyway, it's late and my painkillers are starting to work so I should try and sleep. I've had a bad few nights as I just get comfy and something spasms in my back or legs and I wake up again. Not helpful, not at all *sigh*

Sitting in a car park with time on my hands...

... and for some reason I bought a bible with me, in case I wanted something to read (don't ask me why). So I open it and start reading and I realise that the words mean nothing to me. I don't feel inspired in any way, even the parts that used to mean something to me (like Psalm 23 and 1 Corinthians 13.4-8)... they are just words on a page. I don't find them meaningful anymore. I wonder if I ever did.

As I sit here, in this car park in front of a clinic, I can see pyracanthus bushes, laden with berries - and a small holly, also smothered in berries. Until a short while ago there were dozens of tiny birds chirping and hopping about, flitting from branch to branch and seeming to be playing a game of chase. Just being birds. I felt my heart lighten at the sight of them, and a feeling of joy filled me, I felt so privileged to have been a witness to their lives, even for a few minutes.

And then the words of a dear friend of mine suddenly came back to me "why have a moon goddess when you have the moon?" And I finally understood, at a soul-level, what he meant. Why do I need a deity when I have nature. I'm unsure about the existence of gods, I cannot prove that they are here or not... but I have all the evidence I could ever need for the existence of nature. I can see it, touch it, prove that it's real. Why should I spend anymore time trying to prove the un-provable when I have all the proof for something undeniably real right in front of my eyes?!

No words on paper have ever made me happier than when I see the first flowers of spring, and no perfume is as sweet as that of real flowers - nothing can compare to a hyacinth or the scent of a rose that has been warmed by the sun.

Nature has a part of me that no god could ever possess, a huge part that is not for sale. I don't care how this planet came to be, it doesn't interest me. I just know it is here, and so am I, the rest is pure conjecture on both sides (be it big bang or god/s did it).

Waiting in cars is boring!

I know, because it's what I'm doing now, outside a doctor's surgery, with nothing to do and nothing to read. Ye Gods I am BORED! I didn't even have time to eat breakfast, so I'm hungry and bored LOL.

I still can't believe that Elizabeth Taylor died yesterday. I know from the bits and pieces you read in papers and magazines that she had been in dreadful pain for ages, and I'm glad that she is now free from that - she is also with her beloved Richard Burton, and I hope they have found each other, wherever they are.

Just goes to show that there are some certainties in life, like taxes, but I don't earn enough to pay those so I shall just wait patiently for Death instead (though hopefully it will be a long wait yet lol).




Sent from my BlackBerry smartphone from Virgin Media

Ye Gods I'm bored!

I don't recall being this bored for a long while! I'm actually considering going to bed... and 9.42pm... on a Saturday... that is how bored I am **sigh**

As well as being bored, I feel fed up and my eyes sting... looks like bed is getting closer by the second :o(

So much for the early night!

I'm still sat in front of the laptop and the time is now 1.41am! I am over-tired and extremely bored, LOL!!

The house is all quiet and I am the only one awake now... even the cats are sound asleep (or as asleep as cats ever get, anyway).

It started to rain here again earlier and I was just stood there ironing listening to it... I really do love the sound of the rain, it calms me. On the plus side I think that my headache is finally going, on the minus side I have to get up early in the morning to take my Dad to the doctors **sigh**


The wind was so bad last night that it broke our gazebo legs (actually the plastic connector joints between the roof and the top of the legs)!! We seem to have bad luck with gazebo's... we lost one a few years back when it almost blew over next doors' fence and got all torn up, we lost one to the dreadful snow earlier this year (the sheer weight of it broke all of the legs) and the strong wind yesterday almost claimed another one, but we managed to fix it by using some of the parts from the one the snow killed, LOL!! So glad that we took in the expensive patio umbrella! Knowing our luck it would have been smashed to pieces or been blown away, never to be found again, hahaha.