I spend way to much time...

...on the computer!

I seem to waste hours a day just doing... not one hell of a lot, if I'm honest. I used to do so many things - candle making, knitting, embroidery, tapestry, jigsaws, jewellery making, going for walks... now all I seem to do is sleep, eat, work and surf the net... not a very rewarding experience most days  **sigh**

The laptop is on for more than twelve hours nearly everyday! I'm sure that can't be very healthy, for either me or the computer, LOL! I wouldn't mind, but I always seem to forget to visit the places that I should be visiting, like the places where I am staff... I mess about at Facebook using Farmville, Drag Cave seeing to the dragons or blogging here and by the time I seem to remember about places like PWUK and The Glade it's bedtime and too late so I say "must go there tomorrow" and then come tomorrow, I seem to forget again until it's too late!!

Why do I do that?! It's not even as if I have such pressing concerns or undue stress that I'm incapable of remembering... it's just that I always seem to remember when it's too late for me to do anything about it, and then the following day something always seems to happen to distract me and so I forget again. Do I feel guilty for constantly forgetting... yes, I damn well do! But I have no idea why I cannot seem to remember to go there first... maybe I should leave myself a note saying to visit the forums before I do anything else... it certainly can't hurt!!

Most strange!

The girl with the baby that was meant to be here at 11am, never turned up! We've never had that happen to us before... we've had people phone and say that they won't be coming, or arrive late, but never not tell us and leave us sat here not knowing what to do with ourselves (do you carry on as normal, go out as you'd planned or wait and see if she does get here after all?). Makes me feel doubly shitty now as we lied to the girl yesterday thinking that this one was coming... maybe this is some kind of divine retribution, who knows?

We even cancelled plans in order to stay in for this girl! Her phone keeps jumping to voicemail, and I'm equally annoyed and worried (in case something happened to the baby, or her... that kind of thing).

It's just so very weird ***sigh***

If we don't hear back, we are thinking of calling the other girl after all, just to see if she's still interested... wrong, I know, but we need another kid in here... and if it has to be the girl with ADHD, then it has to be (it was a toss up between her and the baby, and in this case the baby seemed the easiest option... until now). I shan't be surprised if the mum isn't interested... she's probably already made other plans.

There's a valuable lesson in all of this to be learned... don't count your chickens before they hatch!!

Not too bad...

... and after being called back to work suddenly and having to cut the interview short, she is coming back today and bringing the little one with her at about 11am.
I feel an utter bitch in that we lied to the woman with the girl with ADHD and told her that the place had gone! Ben was such a nightmare today (he ended up getting a timeout, he was so bad) and just the thought of having two of him in the house (and the little girl has been diagnosed with ADHD, and she can be really bad, her Mum said) filled me with dread!! That, and the fact that we'd have to go to four different schools daily, me at two, and Mum at two, me driving, Mum walking... and I suddenly thought that at 60 Mum shouldn't be having to do all of the walking, especially as it is all hills (and her knees are starting to get a bit dodgy, if I'm honest).
Sure, the money would have been nice, but just the idea of having a kid in that is destructive, as her Mum said she can be, and I thought NO! I'd rather have less money and have the house in one piece. The other thing that put me off was the prospect of having to work until 8pm again... we've only just had a girl leave that sometimes didn't leave until 9-9.30pm, and I hated it... when are you supposed to eat?! We used to work nasty hours when Josh was here full time, and we said after he switched to part-time that we wouldn't do it again, and we ended up having to... sometimes, though, you have to really think about things and do what's best for your family, and working until that time is not good, especially for my Dad - he's on medication that has to be taken at regular intervals, with meals, and we weren't getting proper meals as it's too late to start cooking at 9pm, plus we were then too tired to eat them if I did manage it LOL!!
I suppose on reading it back, it does sound as if I'm making excuses for not wanting the little girl, and maybe I am, but I've had my share of violent and aggressive kids in the past, and I've been there, and done that and so has Mum (and we have the scars and broken possessions to prove it!) We even go to schools that once upon a time we refused to go to as they are too far away. We used to go to two school that were both within walking distance and with the two of us, it was do-able. Then Belle started school three miles away, and a girl started that had to be picked up the same time as another little girl, and I had to start using the car, and then another girl started at another school and then the boys at yet another school... and it's just a nightmare, but we couldn't say no, as we needed the money. We currently go to three schools (well, we will when Katie comes back from holiday) and you add a baby to the mix, and then another school, and... I don't think so!!
These days, as long as we have enough money to pay our bills, with a little spare for a few luxuries every once in a while, that is good enough for me... my tastes have really simplified, and I'm happy with the odd dvd or music download from amazon.
Anyway, I'm off to bed, to have a lay in in the morning (WOOHOO!!)
I do still feel a total bitch, though, especially as the woman sounded so disappointed when she was told... oh well, too late for guilt now 8-{  **sigh**