{Sent to me by my brother... shared for sheer brilliance}

What is Paganism?By Nimue Brown

Paganism is an umbrella term covering an array of beliefs and practices, some of which are heavily informed by older civilisations, others of which are largely modern innovations. The trouble with the label is as soon as you say ‘this is Pagan’ there’s an implication of not-Pagan, which can be used to hurt and exclude. All too often what I see is people saying ‘I do this and I am Pagan and you do something different so you aren’t a proper Pagan’. And then we get bogged down in arguments, sucking up time and energy.

The logic of saying ‘you aren’t a true believer’ goes with recruiting religions based around authoritarian structures. These are, for the greater part not set up to be about spiritual experience, but designed to give power to a few. Most religions have aspects that are all about serving an elite, and every religion has spiritual people who aren’t primarily motivated by power. If you aren’t interested in controlling and manipulating people, why would it matter if what they do is not what you do? Historical Paganism was as much guilty of power wielding to herd the masses as any other set up, but we don’t need to recreate that aspect.There are reasons we might want other people to agree with us. We may feel threatened by difference, and more comfortable when our beliefs and habits are reflected back by those around us. We may want to be in charge and so must get everyone onboard for our way of doing things. We may have bought into the idea of one true way – perhaps a legacy from the faith we were raised in. We may be so excited about our personal truth that we think it’s bound to work for everyone. While sharing ideas and experiences is good, dogma is suffocating, and if we feel the need to say ‘you’re not a proper Pagan’ it’s worth asking what our problem is, not theirs.

What is Paganism? It isn’t in books, it isn’t a single coherent tradition, it does not have rules. There’s no racial or cultural barrier to membership, there’s nothing to swear, nothing to sign. Dedications are a personal thing. There are no specific gods you have to worship. You don’t even have to believe in gods to be Pagan. What does that leave? How can we make sense of the term when there’s nothing familiar to pin it to?

Let me suggest a thing. Paganism is a human response to the experience of being alive that finds sacredness in being alive. It’s a response to the seasons, life changes, the moon and tides, the agricultural year, the land, the weather. It’s a response to living and dying and to the constant cycles of life and death in this world. Anything that comes from a human response to life, is inherently Pagan. So the urge to make light and festivity at the darkest time of the year – that’s a Pagan urge. The urge to dance and party in the summer evenings, that’s a Pagan urge too. Celebrating the harvest, singing about the dear departed, honouring relationships, respecting the land we live on – no one needs telling how to do this. Every last one of us could come up with a way of being Pagan in response to life with no reference to anyone else.  Solstices, equinoxes, shifts in the season – these things are self evident.How can we get this wrong? Because if we’re inspired by other people to celebrate our human experience of being alive, that’s fine. We can find inspiration in each other for sacred expression. If we get it from a book, that’s fine too. If we make it up, it’s still humanity responding in a spiritual way to life.

Look at it this way, and the only thing a person could do that could be readily labelled as non-Pagan is telling another Pagan that they’re doing it wrong. Perhaps we could all be a bit gentler with each other.

Sitting in a car park with time on my hands...

... and for some reason I bought a bible with me, in case I wanted something to read (don't ask me why). So I open it and start reading and I realise that the words mean nothing to me. I don't feel inspired in any way, even the parts that used to mean something to me (like Psalm 23 and 1 Corinthians 13.4-8)... they are just words on a page. I don't find them meaningful anymore. I wonder if I ever did.

As I sit here, in this car park in front of a clinic, I can see pyracanthus bushes, laden with berries - and a small holly, also smothered in berries. Until a short while ago there were dozens of tiny birds chirping and hopping about, flitting from branch to branch and seeming to be playing a game of chase. Just being birds. I felt my heart lighten at the sight of them, and a feeling of joy filled me, I felt so privileged to have been a witness to their lives, even for a few minutes.

And then the words of a dear friend of mine suddenly came back to me "why have a moon goddess when you have the moon?" And I finally understood, at a soul-level, what he meant. Why do I need a deity when I have nature. I'm unsure about the existence of gods, I cannot prove that they are here or not... but I have all the evidence I could ever need for the existence of nature. I can see it, touch it, prove that it's real. Why should I spend anymore time trying to prove the un-provable when I have all the proof for something undeniably real right in front of my eyes?!

No words on paper have ever made me happier than when I see the first flowers of spring, and no perfume is as sweet as that of real flowers - nothing can compare to a hyacinth or the scent of a rose that has been warmed by the sun.

Nature has a part of me that no god could ever possess, a huge part that is not for sale. I don't care how this planet came to be, it doesn't interest me. I just know it is here, and so am I, the rest is pure conjecture on both sides (be it big bang or god/s did it).

A question about the term "fluffy" in Paganism

There was a question asked, about just what "fluffy" means (at a forum I used to go to all the time, but which I rarely go to anymore as I feel as if I now longer belong there as I'm not "Pagan enough!")

I was going to reply to the thread, but upon reflection I really didn't feel comfortable enough in doing so and so I'm posting it here instead (no doubt someone would have remarked about my post not actually replying to the question of the thread, and I just cannot be bothered in people arguing with me over it). My reply:

I'd be very surprised if there were any "fluffies" in the Valley, this place tends to knock that out of people very quickly! I know it did with me!

Reading the definitions of "fluffy" here made me laugh... and I fall into the "fluffy" spectrum in a good few areas (although not in my belief about angels and fairies, I don't believe in them). In regards to some of them I'm a very bad Pagan and probably should stop using the term in regards to myself as I don't appear to be Pagan enough.

Personally, I don't care how fluffy someone is, and it's taking me years to counteract the negative programming I received here towards terms like blessed be and merry meet (and subsequently my opinions of people that use them, too... when you are told enough to scorn the terms, eventually you end up scorning the people that use them as well, which is wrong!)

These days I don't care what people believe, I just care about how they treat me and others. It matters more to me. If people want to believe that all fairies are like Tinkerbell and are happy little pixies that only do good for people, who cares? Who are they hurting by believing that? No one (and if the Fae are offended by that I'm sure they are more than capable of doing something about it, not that I believe in the Fae, either).

People should have the right to believe whatever the hell they want, and none of us have any rights to tell them that they can't (or treat them as somehow lesser for holding beliefs we disagree with... that would make us elitists).

I would have posted it there, but there would be no point, I'd either be ignored or I'd be dog-piled and have people having a go at me for saying it and I truly can't be bothered with that kind of treatment! I seemed to routinely either get ignored or treated as somehow lesser for voicing my opinion over there in the past, so I no longer bother anymore (in fact I left for the longest time and returned a few weeks ago to find most of the people that seemed to take umbrage at my mere prescence had been banned, but there are still a few left). I just don't feel as if my opinions matter so why should I post anything there?!

I can honestly say that the only things I learned there were how to look down on people for believing things that I was meant to find ridiculous and how to be very cynical and condescending regarding people that dare to say things that are frowned upon (like merry meet and blessed be).

It is being back at places like that that make me not want to be pagan at all... if I'm meant to believe some of the things that they all believe I'd rather not bother with any of it!

They are fine with people believing in whatever they want, unless they don't agree with it and then you shouldn't believe it! I truly don't give a shit anymore... if people want to worship a clown riding a yellow unicycle round and round in a circle, that is up to them and as long as they don't tell me I have to believe in it too, it's all good.

I sometimes wonder if it's places like that that help make me so confused sometimes... if enough people tell you you're wrong for thinking a certain way, eventually you start to believe them so that you feel like you belong! It reminds me of the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, where anyone that couldn't see the wonderful fabric was a fool... and as no one wanted to be thought of as a fool they went along with the charade even though the King walked the streets stark naked!

I'm not prepared to spend my time defending my opinions against people that have no right to question them, so it's better for me to just stay away from those people!!!

Finally made an offering to Selene...

... as I promised I would last month.

I was feeling really sad last month and I asked Selene for help... and I started to feel better. I promised that at the next full moon I would leave an offering for Her, because She helped me when I needed Her. So tonight I left a small glass of white wine in my cauldron after saying a few words of thanks (I would have placed the wine directly into the belly of the cauldron, but the last time I did, where the wine is quite acidic, it had started to cause the cauldron to rust, which I don't want, so I put it in a small glass and then placed the glass in the cauldron. after taking a small sip as a sign of my thanks... yes it did make me feel dizzy, so offerings of wine, in the future, don't pass my lips, or I have to use fruit juice lol).

I didn't have time to shower, so I washed my hands, face and hair and as I washed I said this (at first in my head and then out loud): "Holy water that feeds the earth and makes all clean, cleanse me for my offering." Then I went in my room, lit my candles on my altar and made the offering. I only had the candles burning for a couple of minutes and then I snuffed them out, placed the lid on the cauldron and left.

I felt really happy afterwards. I keep my promise and in the past I've not done so and have felt really guilty afterwards.

Then, when I came into the front room a few hours later, I looked out the window and the Moon was right outside, shining into the room at me. I spoke to Her for a few minutes, saying thank you and that I had made my offering as I promised, and then I just sat watching Her for a little while. I felt so calm and content... really happy.

I feel like Scar, from the Lion King... I'm surrounded by idiots! (HUGE post!)

Got chatting to guy tonight (fortunately he is in Portsmouth so his lunacy can't affect me up here in London).

I'm going to quote some of the things he said to me tonight on MSN, as once I close MSN I'll lose the comments for ever... ready?


When I said that the little moving icons he has of people having sex made me uncomfortable so I turned them off, so as not to see them (he had them tied to the letters "mm" "oo" and the word "sex") I got this:

 u re strange
 whats freaks u out there
 lo l

**Even though I said before that stuff to do with sex makes me uncomfortable, that was his reaction!**

Better yet, this is the whole conversation... it's very long and at times tedious so I understand if you don't manage to read it all (if nothing else read my lead-in/replies italic parts and then his replies/bullshit in the bolded parts, you'll laugh!):


Minty says:
 maybe... but if anythng is going to do it than little moving pictures of people having sex is one of them
 just makes me feel very uncomfortable
sam says:
 o k
 say i want that with u..what would u say to that?
Minty says:
 I have no idea... the thought freaks me out, honestly, with anyone
sam says:
 ll add to get u drunk first
Minty says:
 I see sex as something beautiful people do, not me
sam says:
 its nice and good for ya health
Minty says:
 I don't drink, I'm allergic to alcohol lol
 I'd end up in hospital if I got drunk
sam says:
 o k
 lo l
Minty says:
 good for your health?
 sex?
sam says:
 yeah ..sex s good,keep s u strong and healthy
Minty says:
 lol, never heard that one before
sam says:
 yeahhh
 everyone know s that,keeps u feeling younger too
 makes ya heart beat properly
 its nature ,how u wont like nature,i dont understand
 rememeb
Minty says:
 so does exercise and you can do that with your clothes on lol
sam says:
 remember someone had sex tp have u? x
 lo l
Minty says:
 don't remind me!!
sam says:
 exercise s not internal...
Minty says:
 I meant about getting the heart beating properly
sam says:
 yeah does better internally..as u pump impulse while having sex...compared to exercise,which in turns makes u feel healthy n happy
 why do people say she has nt had sex for while thats why she grumpy
 lo l
Minty says:
 I guess a lot of people say that because that is how they themselves feel when they don't have it so they assume others are the same... I'm not grumpy and I've never had it lol
sam says:
 o k
 u look after kids,how lovely re they...thats a result of havung sex..its life,u re abnormal if u dont perform this functions in the end onec das
 one day
 lol
Minty says:
 but I don't want kids either... and I don't think it's abnormal to not be interested in sex... there are plenty of people that go their whole lives without ever having sex
sam says:
 how do u know
 where do u get that statistics
 not a lot babes x
Minty says:
 well, the whole of the Roman Catholic Church for one lol
 all of their clergy are celibate
sam says:
 really
Minty says:
 yes
 a lot of the nuns never have sex
sam says:
 u have nt read the article about them having sex..just not having a kid ,dont mean they dont 
 and by the way ...that was yrs ago,u live in england ...
Minty says:
 they take vows of chastity when they take their holy orders
 living in England means nothing the vows are the same the world over for people in religious orders
sam says:
 in this centuary...how do u understand how a mother feels when u look after kids....thats come s from been a mother one day
Minty says:
 I know this for a fact
sam says:
 did u take one then?
Minty says:
 no, but I seriously considered it a few years ago
 taking care of kids has nothing to do with one day being a mother lol
sam says:
 i will one day...
Minty says:
 will what?
sam says:
 u have to have a parent instinct..i know what am talikng about
Minty says:
 you can learn the parenting instinct
sam says:
 and even them ,parent ll never trust u as u re not a parent myself,though they dont show it...am a dad so i know
Minty says:
 some of the parents I know are useless
sam says:
 i know...dont matter
Minty says:
 people trust me with their kids even though I'm not a parent... I should know, I've been doing this job for 17 years!
 I've never been out of work
sam says:
 o k
 not saying u...
 but at some point,ll come down to this points
Minty says:
 I turn people away because I don't want to care for their babies anymore
sam says:
 nice debate tonight x
 lo l
Minty says:
 what points?
 I'm confused
sam says:
 extreme cases i meant
Minty says:
 nope, still confused
sam says:
 dont worry
 lo l
Minty says:
 fine
 do you want more kids?
sam says:
 dont know
 depends
Minty says:
 on what?
sam says:
 who i meet
Minty says:
 ah, I see
sam says:
 av one already so no need for more..depends on who i meet or in a relationship with?
Minty says:
 fair enough
 her decision? or joint decision?
sam says:
 yeah
 saying am not keen now
 else she wants it
Minty says:
 oh
 there must be something missing in my genetic makeup because I have never once ever felt broody lol
 even when I'm holding a baby
sam says:
 o k
 its cos u ve never had sex
 make it will chANGE WHEN U DO 
 one d ay
Minty says:
 having sex has nothing to do with wanting to be a mother lol
 my sister felt broody when she was 12
sam says:
 it does
 u see now u dont know
 its the first stage
Minty says:
 nor do you as you are not a woman lol
sam says:
 people have sex cos they want a baby not cos they want to make love to their partner
 sometimes
Minty says:
 then why do people that don't want kids have sex... I know two couples that never want kids that have sex
 sex is not always about kids
sam says:
 its cos sex have different function...could bind people as they see it as making love..keeps them together,some women see it as only way to make a baby..even lesbian sometimes have sex..cos its a natural way to have kids
 i know
 did nt say it was
 but it s the start of everything
 life its self
Minty says:
 but that is not all it is, or else all these people not going to have kids shouldn't do it lol... sex is also not the only way to make a baby these days
sam says:
 well its the natural way and cheapest and less complicated...
 life started with sex...thats all u need to think
 when a baby s conceived
Minty says:
 all I need to think?
sam says:
 and know
 expect the lord jesus ,every other fucker was conceived through sex...including u
 so why r u breaking the natural laws of nature
Minty says:
 what about Adam and Eve then?
sam says:
 and them
Minty says:

sam says:
 no...
Minty says:
 Adam and Eve were not conceived like humans
sam says:
 means ..u procate no more generation
Minty says:
 they were created by God, it says so in Genesis
 even I know that
sam says:
 the world s built on procation..else there wont be an existence...
 yeah
Minty says:
 from the dust and then from a rib
 no sex made them
sam says:
 through was plastic?
 so the kids u look after where created?
Minty says:
 of course they were, I'm not saying they weren't
sam says:
 thats the initial proclaiment from GOD..he ordered the world to reproduce...but u re disobeying him not to
Minty says:
 but just because they were doesn't mean I have to naturally want to do the same thing
 sorry but I don't believe in that God
sam says:
 great britain wont be great if they have ten thousand peole in it
 would it?
Minty says:
 he has no power over me
sam says:
 who has nt?
 he has..over all thing s on earth
 believe it or not
Minty says:
 you can believe that if you like
 I don't believe something just because I'm told I should
 I'm not a christian
sam says:
 yeah..i have seen prove as well,ll be non challant to ignore the fact theres a GOD or a supreme been,even kids know that
 u dont have to be to acknowlegde facts 
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 o k?
Minty says:
 you can believe whatever you want, I don't have to lol
 I'm a PAGAN
sam says:
 scientist re not christian s are they
Minty says:
 some are yes
sam says:
 but they do know there s a god
Minty says:
 so?
 religiona and science are two different things
sam says:
 u re complicated lo l
 they re inter woven
Minty says:
 you have no idea just how complicated I am, believe me
sam says:
 or related
Minty says:
 if you say so
sam says:
 i begining to find out
 lo l
Minty says:
 if you push the wrong buttons with me, I warn you I will not be polite
sam says:
 ya heart beating tells u there s god..even the queen acknowleges that
 ahhh
 lo l
Minty says:
 the Queen! lol
sam says:
 just been honset
 can coo l it
Minty says:
 as the head of the church of England of course she believes that
sam says:
 am been honest with u...stop saying u hold control of ya life cos no one does
Minty says:
 be honest about what?
sam says:
 life
 not u...
Minty says:
 I disagree
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 so who does then, let me guess, your god
sam says:
 what planet do u grow up then,this re obvious facts 
Minty says:
 what are you talking about!
sam says:
 about existence and life...
Minty says:
 I don't believe that this planet and everything on it was created by a god
sam says:
 am not religoius but its true
Minty says:
 it's true for you
 not for me
sam says:
 so how did it come to existence?
Minty says:
 I believe in evolution and there is much evidence for my belief as there is for yours lol
sam says:
 ignorance can be an isolation 
Minty says:
 so can blindly following teachings that are outdated
sam says:
 what teaching re out dated
Minty says:
 and I'm not ignorant
 just because I don't believe in your god
sam says:
 wont do my kids at yours if u dont believe in GOD or life or existence...what do u believe in then...do u think things just happen?..there a reason to most things that happpen,aint u ever curious about life...or u just ignorant!
Minty says:
 how dare you speak to me like that! Just who the hell do you think you are!
 I don't believe in your god, get over it
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 things happen because they happen, why does there have to be a reason
sam says:
 lo l
 there s a reason...
Minty says:
 whatever, to your reason
sam says:
 wisdom...for some shall find wisdom
Minty says:
 I don't care what the reason is
 not all who seek find wisdom
sam says:
 life would be boring and lifeless if u were in power...
Minty says:
 and it would be boring if you were as we would all have to have to kids and believe the things you believe in
 there would be no difference in your world
 everyone would be the same as you
sam says:
 nooo
 i wont but existing knowledges prove s it
 not me 
Minty says:
 in my world people can be whoever they want as I don't care
 you really don't have a clue do you lol
sam says:
 o k
 lawless and careless world then
Minty says:
 not so... just because there is no god doesn't mean chaos
 atheists have morals to you know
sam says:
 what about global warming...evolution,earth quakes,some people had to do things about it so we live peacefulling...green world?
Minty says:
 not only christians can be good
sam says:
 never said that
Minty says:
 and it was the arrogance of human beings taking from this planet without thinking about the consequences that gave us the whole problem with our world
 man thinking the world owed him a living
sam says:
 but every beleive believes in a higher supreme been which u dont...thats very strange as even kids ask the questions
Minty says:
 no, they don't, which shows how much you have studied this topic
sam says:
 re u a teacher?7
Minty says:
 and I never said I didn't believe in dieties... I just don't belive in yours
sam says:
 no dont think so ask every kid ask the question at some point
Minty says:
 I have studied world religion for over a decade
sam says:
 whats mine
 never said i am this or that
 i just knowlegeble to know theres GOD somewhere
Minty says:
 yours is the christian god, Jesus and the bible I would gather from the things you've said to me tonight
sam says:
 lol
Minty says:
 or else why mention Jesus earlier... only a christian would believe hhim to have been born outside of the normal human way lol
sam says:
 going to bed babes..good aRGUEMENT THOUGH
 u should nt be saying that ,as u re an adult
Minty says:
 and now you are leaving as I'm talking to you... lol whatever
sam says:
 theres a reason for everything
 things just dont happen
Minty says:
 what does me being an adult have to do with it
sam says:
 believe it or not
Minty says:
 I don't believe in hell either
 or the devil
sam says:
 cos u been round few years..u shd know unless u re ignoring facts
 o k
Minty says:
 what are you talking about?
sam says:
 ya believes
Minty says:
 ignoring what facts?
sam says:
 thats there s GOD..and life 
Minty says:
 I don't believe in GOD, as you write it
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 believe me or not, lol
sam says:
 u must be wiser than the 6billion human s that believe then
Minty says:
 pardon, not all the humans on this planet do believe
 only 2 billion are christian
sam says:
 more than 90 percent believe in a higher been..not neccessary christians
Minty says:
 where are your facts to support that?!
sam says:
 online..search and u ll find it
Minty says:
 I have never seen a study that has figures as high as yours
 those figures are crap
sam says:
 any belief or region s based on the respect of the laws of the supreme beeing..which is GOD or allah or whatever the region calls it
Minty says:
 there are over a billion people in China and only a tiny fraction of them are christian, so there goes your figure of 6 billion lol
sam says:
 lo l
Minty says:
 so what about Buddhists, Hindus and people like me then?
sam says:
 they still believe in a sort of GOD
Minty says:
 no, Buddhists don't
sam says:
 anything spirit
Minty says:
 they don't have a god of any kind
sam says:
 am off to bed
 are u one
 how do u know
Minty says:
 because you're losing this argument?
sam says:
 am not..got to be up early like 7
Minty says:
 because I've read all about Buddhism and I have Buddhist friends lol
sam says:
 we both know the truth
Minty says:
 no, you think you do
 and you are arrogant enough to presume you know it for everyone else
sam says:
 enjoy ya sleep x
 i dont..
Minty says:
 I shall... I don't have to think like you do lol
sam says:
 just told u the basic facts everyone knows
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 there s a GOD and life...
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 u think other wise
Minty says:
 I know otherwise
sam says:
 good for u..living life that way
Minty says:
 better then being a mindless drone doing as I'm told like you do lol
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 I feel sorry for you
sam says:
 lo l
 how?
 u shouldnt...
Minty says:
 well I do
sam says:
 u should find light...
Minty says:
 hahaha
sam says:
 knowlegde
 wisdom
Minty says:
 nothing to do with god
sam says:
 lo l
Minty says:
 atheists have knowledge too you know
sam says:
 the truth sets u free..heard that before?
Minty says:
 free from what?
sam says:
 knowledge has in wisdom.
 ignorance
Minty says:
 I'm not bound by anything so have nothing to be freed from lol
sam says:
 o k
 ya mind need freedom
Minty says:
 your mind needs less bullshit lol
sam says:
 convinction
 o k
Minty says:
 conviction about what?
sam says:
 the truth about life
Minty says:
 you mean the truth about  life as you think it
sam says:
 not exactly
Minty says:
 not everyone feels the same as you do
 get over it
sam says:
 standard truth
Minty says:
 lol
 no such thing
sam says:
 lol 
 alright
 am off to bed
 need the few hrs slee p x
Minty says:
 wish I could say I've enjoyed this chat, but I haven't
sam says:
 u dont have to...but gave u honest truth,can t be enjoyable as u re stubborn
 lo l
Minty says:
 I am stubborn and I don't tolerate being told what I should believe
sam says:
 yeah 
Minty says:
 especially by people that can't see another side to the argument like you
sam says:
 night x
Minty says:
 blinkered by religion and I feel sorry for you 
 goodbye, and good luck in life, you're going to need it lol

End of conversation!

Honestly! What a dumbass... according to him all nuns are raging nymphomaniacs, they just don't have kids... all 6 billion people in the world believe in GOD... in order to feel broody you need to have had sex... Buddhists believe in a god... women who are grumpy just need a good seeing to... he speaks the "truth" but no one else does... he wouldn't leave his kid in the care of someone that hasn't had kids because only parents know how to care for other peoples' kids... if he wanted sex with me he'd get me drunk first so I'd enjoy it (is that not a little crime called RAPE?!). He talks about his own religion and doesn't even know about it, he says that Adam and Eve were born like regular people, erm, Adam was made from dust/clay by God and Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs, it was Cain and Abel that were born like regular humans! It goes on and on!

This is a man that has actually made a child... so he is "normal" and is "doing the natural thing by procreating". I feel so sorry for his daughter (she is 7, he told me about her yesterday)... imagine having this ignorant, arsehole as a father!! He was 21 when he "obeyed GOD and made her" (outside of marriage, though... amazing just how elastic the morals of some people are, isn't it?!) and he is in Portsmouth and I think his kid is still where he used to live in Woolwich (which is four miles from me... Portsmouth is about 200 miles away).

Why do I always seem to meet such oxygen thieves?! Where are the nice guys that have opinions but are willing to understand that theirs are not the only opinions in the world?! Why am I such a pratt magnet?! This is the second male to tell me that I'm abnormal for not wanting kids... and surprise, surprise, that prick was a Xtian, too.

Talking to him tonight, I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, I got so angry... only a few topics make me angry like that, religion, animal rights, feminism and gay rights. I have strong opinions on them all and I will not back down and shut up!! Fuck that!

If it was a choice of have sex with a shithead like him and feel "normal" or never have sex, ever... I know which one I'd pick! Let's just say I'd seriously consider taking the 25 years vow of chastity demanded by the goddess Vesta, before I'd even let the thought of shagging a cretin like that skitter across my mind! LOL. Compared to being with a total douchebag like him, being the "scary mad cat lady" just became so very, very appealing!!

I am so very fucked off right about now!!

How dare people go out of their way to make another person feel like shit... just how fucking DARE THEY!!! Who the fuck do they think they are?!?! To keep stringing people along, making them wait, keeping them dangling like a long forgotten puppet. People make mistakes, people fuck up, show me someone that has never fucked up something and I'll show you a damned LIAR!!

Trust gets broken, fair enough, keep your distance... but do NOT keep people waiting and waiting for the day you say will eventually come when you feel about them in the same way as before your trust was broken. IT.WILL.NEVER.HAPPEN!!

What makes it all the sadder is that this isn't real life, where trust and hearts have been broken face-to-face, this is online... on the internet... one step removed from reality. How this can be as bad as real life trust breaking, well, that one is beyond my comprehension. People can be whoever the hell they want to be online... in my time I've pretended up a storm, and sometimes I still do, to have the life that I dream of, I can only do that online.

Do I give a shit what other people think about my doing that? Fuck no! It's no-one else's damn business.

But when someone is genuinely asking for your forgiveness, for something they did months ago (and which seems trivial to most other people outside of your little protective clique) who is at fault there? The person trying to make amends or the person not allowing them to do so? So someone may call you names and sound a bit jealous/threatening... get the fuck over it already! If they lived just down the street to you then I say be a little wary, but when they live on a different CONTINENT to you, then what the hell is wrong with YOU for being such a moron and cowering like some beaten dog?! WTF is wrong there?


Shall I carry on and piss off some Xtians? Why the fuck not, this is my tiny corner of the web and I can say what the fuck I like here... hold tight, here we go.


Do what the red words say or don't call yourself a CHRISTian!! His words and deeds should be the blueprint for your life or you're doing it wrong! It's not about the rules and regulations in the Old Testament... they were written for the Jews... the only words you need to be concerned with are the ones uttered by the Son of God... no one else's words mean a thing... Jesus is it... do as He says or fuck off!

If you are treating others as you would like to be treated yourself then you will not be breaking any commandments... it's really simple... Love God, and everyone else, too. Six words... and they are the hardest words to live by... but if you use the name CHRISTian, then follow His example and do as He says. If you don't then you are a liar and you are not a real CHRISTian... simple really!

I don't care what a book says about "end times" and "heaven and hell" if you are treating people as Christ commanded then it will not matter... the "end times" is the future and we don't live in the future, we live in the present... and "heaven and hell" are also not to be worried about... why worry? If you are "following the red words" then it's covered!

Would you like to be treated like shit, be talked down to, be made to feel less then something on the bottom of someone's shoe? Then don't make others feel like it!! If in doubt just remember What Would Jesus Do? If He wouldn't treat people they way you are treating them now, then you have a problem!!

If you expect people to forgive your sins, then you also have to forgive other people theirs! Hypocrisy is a dirty word... ask yourself, honestly, "am I a hypocrite?" "do I say one thing, yet do something completely different?"


And on that note I think I'll stop.

Answer to a spell advice question

I talk to a girl at Facebook and she is always asking my advice on how to help her boyfriend out. Now, normally I wouldn't answer stuff about this issue as I believe that telling people what to do, craft wise, is not a good thing as it stops you from finding your own way and stunts your own craft-style from being found. General queries are fine, but giving out stuff to be said by rote (that you haven't had any input in creating) well, to me it feels all wrong.

But that's maybe just me... every time I've done stuff "from a book" it either feels very wrong or never works.

Anyway, I received this message yesterday and I felt I couldn't just leave her twisting in the wind:

My bf is in a really horrible position... he was beaten and neglected as a child and he is really sad right now where he is at he is always in a bad mood and he is never happy :( it makes me sad because i want to help him but i really dont know how, do you know any chants or spells i can do to clear negative energy from his life? And I just really want him to be okay so I really want an effective spell and I dont really have that many tools to do spells but I am very determined to channel all my energy and power to making this work... And if someone says magic can't help then I am officially giving up on the craft.

I sent her this reply, and I wonder where most of it came from? I just started typing and before I knew it the message was almost ready to go (apart from the words "aura cleansing", I couldn't think of the name and had to google for help, and while I was reading about it the part about catching the ash come up so I "borrowed" it and added it in to stop her from setting herself on fire, lol).

Seeing as all types of incense give me a headache it's not something I could ever perform myself, neither have I done it in the past, so how I got this in my head, I have no idea (very weird).

The rhyme I added as people seem to like them and I do find that something that rhymes sticks in my head and I remember it much easier than just words (of course when doing something "ab lib" normal words are all I have and they work just as well, but the poet in me seems to routinely prepare stuff that rhymes, so I have it and I use it).

This is the second time I've sent her something to do for her man and I'm wondering why she singled me out? Maybe my name (at FB I am minty.the.pagan), but her very first message to me was asking for help with her fella, and she always sounds so desperate to help him out, and he seems to have so much emotional baggage! I suppose if she does it and gets results, then it's all good :o)

Magic will only get you so far, hun, the rest has to come from within himself. It's a bit like going on a journey, the transport cannot take you there if you don't get to the transport in the first place.

Smudging is good for clearing negativity from buildings and places and I'm sure it can do the same for people. It's called "aura cleansing" and it helps to get rid of all the nasty emotions and other things we pick up throughout our lives.

You need to buy smudge sticks (your local craft supply store can help you there) and then you need to sit him down, or a picture of him or something else of his and imagine a protective circle of white of violet light surrounding you all and keeping all bad thoughts and things out. Then light the smudge stick (following the instructions) and walk around the object you are cleansing, wafting the smoke about them as you go... kind of "push" the smoke into the person/object and as the smoke rises visualise all of the negativity and past hurt getting caught up in the smoke and being carried away with it (you will probably need to open a window, or preferably perform this outside so that the smoke can freely flow away from you).

You could say a few words whilst you do this, but it's not really necessary, the smoke will do it for you. However, if you feel the need to say something to focus your mind, you could repeat:

"Smoke that cleanses, smoke of peace,

Bring back joy, make badness cease."

Keep saying this for as long as you need to or until the smudge stick goes out.

If you cannot find smudge sticks, then stick incense is just as good, either your favourite scent or something known for healing like lavender.

One tip: if you are walking around holding burning things please remember to carry something to catch the ash that they will drop (all over the floor if you don't catch it... been there, had to clean the carpet when the ash fell on it).

I wish you many blessings, and your boyfriend is very lucky to have someone that is so ready to help him heal... however, the craft cannot cure everything and anyone that tells you that it can is lying. If your bf is not ready to let the negativity go then the spell will have no effect... the spell can only aid those that are ready to move on... it can help you to release things, it cannot force you to do so.

So...

... not too sure what to write here, to be honest. The blogging bug seems to have gone into hibernation for the winter. I've not even written my paper journal (which is weird for me). Maybe it's to do with the weather, the pain I'm in and the fact that I now have a cold - and for some unknown reason the worst backache I've had in years. Whatever it is, I just can't seem to settle to write anything down. I wonder if the constant thought of my efforts being discovered is putting me off, or whether I'm just too tired/lazy/meh to actually think about things to write about? lol.

I have been thinking about my path, though, so maybe I should write about that?

For some reason I can feel my connection to the Moon deepening... I'm not sure just how it is, or what it entails, but "something" feels different.

I was thinking about "The God", too... the male aspect of deity and the fact that after the initial meeting with Pan that nothing more has happened. It's so weird, but I feel no connection to any male deity whatsoever... even Pan just gets a feeling of "that's nice... and?" from me these days. I was thinking that I might be one of these pagans that doesn't "have a god" (although I do believe in the existence of them/Him). Then I got to thinking, is that wrong? I know in some pagan circles that having the female without the male is frowned upon, deity being both sexes it really should be that you honour both, too... but can you really do that if you feel no connection to a male godhead? Not sure how to go about doing that... to say "Lady Selene and My Lord  {blank} " just feels very wrong to me. I don't really see the need to try and force myself upon a God that doesn't want me (and if They want you They let you know, lol!).

I was also thinking about my relationship with Selene and how do I know that I actually have one and I'm not deluding myself? The short answer is that I don't... I have no idea just why I am so sure that I'm a Moonwitch (I was called that by a very dear friend, and it makes perfect sense to me, so I've adopted that title). I don't even know what a Moonwitch actually is, nor what they do, how they practice, nothing! At the present time I can only say that I am a Moonwitch and my brain tells me that whatever I do is what a Moonwitch does, lol... (sounds quite arrogant, I suppose, but it doesn't when I think it, only when I write it down).

What to do for Mabon?

At the moment I have no idea and the festival is rapidly approaching.

I'm going to have to do some research and see if my pain-addled brain can come up with something... far too often I let festivals slip past without marking them, and I can't keep doing so as I feel really guilty when I do!

It will be nothing huge or demanding, as I'm assuming that my arm will still be hurting (and if I plan something taking that into account and it turns out that my arm is better, than I've lost nothing and can always add stuff "ad-lib"). I'll have to have a think and see what I can come up with.

I think I had my first panic attack on Friday!

Sissy was laying into me about her view of personality disorders... saying that she feels that most people use them as an excuse to not do the things they should do, and I felt myself getting tenser and tenser until I had to pretend to be asleep in my chair in the hope she would go away!

She sat there talking to Mum and all I could think was "Go away, please, go away"... and I sat in the same position, rooted to the spot for so long that even after she left the room I couldn't move! I had to go to bed afterwards as I felt so mentally and physically drained that I couldn't even think straight, let alone do anything. I ended up crying in pure frustration at seeming to behave in such a weak way. It was kind of like being in your own body, but hearing things from very far away... like mentally cowering in a corner. Most strange, and not something that I ever want a repeat of!!

I really have to realise that I have an opinion and I have a right to air it... damn other people... and damn others for being able to affect me so badly.

One of the things I do all the time is to change my opinion to please the people around me... and I shouldn't do that. My opinion should please no one but myself, and if others don't like it, then TOUGH! But my wanting desperately for everyone to like me means I have the ability to think that the opinions and views of others are more important than my own, and they're not! When I'm around Sissy and Pingu, I can't even mention religion in passing, without them kicking off on some atheistic diatribe and discounting all of the worlds religions as nothing more than people refusing to live in the real world and trying to get "god/s" to solve all of their problems for them, or else use "god/s" as an excuse for all of the things that go wrong (or right). They constantly bring up the tired old argument of "if God is so brilliant, why does He allow suffering, and let bad things happen to good people?!" I have no idea how to counter stuff like that... or even if I want to - why should it be up to me to try and explain away their arguments when they are spat at me with such venom and arrogance? I'm not a Christian Apologetic and I have no idea of even where to start in trying to find an answer for them... but I am expected to (they fail to realise that regardless of what I say they will never understand it as they disagree, and never really understand that which they think is wrong - basically I'm damned either way  *sigh*).

How can I explain stuff that I am unsure of myself? I have no idea why there is suffering... but I do kind of understand that without it we would not be able to show empathy, compassion and understanding to other people - sometimes you really do have to have been there in order to be able to connect with others that are either going through similar things, or that have done in the past (or will do in the future). I know that all that I have suffered in my life has made me more able to comprehend other people more... I am able to use my experiences to help me understand what others are going through. Oftentimes you really do have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to truly know how they feel. Suffering brings understanding... even if at the time you don't actually realise it. That's my thoughts on it anyway... trying to get other people to understand my opinion, though... well... that's a different matter entirely  *sigh*

I can't handle Xtianity anymore

I see nothing there for me.

I wish I could see it as others do, but I can't. Regardless of how hard I try all I can see is guilt and fear and sin and evil... and all of the wrong things seem to fall under those headings - things like sex (outside of marriage), homosexuality, masturbation, abortion, having a different faith. All of them to some extent are condemned by Xtianity and I hate that so much. How can a religion proclaim to be about love when it says such hateful things?

I just do not understand what I'm meant to find so appealing about the prospect of millions of innocent people being punished for all eternity in Hell, for things they may or may not even realise were 'sins', by a God that is forever portrayed as the epitome of 'Love'. Because you always roast the ones you love in flames for eternity' don't you?! *sigh*

I'm probably sounding this scornful because I'm tired and disappointed by the views and opinions of a select few individuals at an online forum... but to my mind, any religion that enables and seems to actively encourage such hatred and evil is not the one that this easy-going, pro-choice, pro-LGBTQI rights, pro-freedom of religion pagan/goth is meant to be a part of!

Sometimes I wish I could see Xtianity as most Xtians see it, but mostly I'm just glad to be pagan and be able to live and let live, without the pressure of having to force myself to believe and practice things that are abhorrant to me!

So... I'm thinking

... which is always a baaaaad thing for me to be doing (I confuse myself on a good day... so thinking too deeply on a day that is not so good is - well, bad!)

The thing I'm thinking about is my faith - big surprise there! And I'm thinking that trying to have a path that is complex, demanding and "heavy" is not very "me" at all! So I'm thinking and randomly surfing the net yesterday (as I do) and I come across this blog: BroomCloset Witch... now, this blog is for those people that live with intolerant people or for reasons that are their own have to practice their faith in secret (hence... being in the "broom" closet). And it set me thinking (uh-oh!)

Now... practising your faith in secret appeals to me... I don't have to do this... but it's something I try to do anyway (purely because I live with people that aren't pagan and have no interest in celebrating things as I do, and I am a fairly secretive person by nature)... I see faith as something that should have its private side (yes, I'm a proud pagan, by the way!), the bit that is just between you and any deities that you choose to honour.

And I was wondering just how to go about practising my faith in private... so private that not even the people I live with would now about it (if you knew just how scornful Sissy can be of all things "religious" and with the prospect of her being back here for nearly three... long... months, plus her boyfriend come the end of June, you'd be thinking what I'm thinking, too... I assure you... you would!)

Now, I recall reading in a Kate West book, many moons ago, about substitutions that you can make for most things that would/could be used "in circle"... problem being? I don't cast circles, never have done... it's a part of the whole "you must do this to be a proper pagan" schtick that I seem to rebel against with every fibre of my being! But then I don't "do" magic/k either, so there ya go! The deepest my working goes is to send good thought/vibes to people and maybe light a candle or two... simple, not complex... yet it works for me (always has done... not changing it now, hehe).

I do honour my gods and I do little things for people, but I have never cast a circle in order to do it... neither do I ritually bathe, change clothes or do any of the things that people are "supposed" to do. I remember reading somewhere that our ancestors wouldn't have been able to do any of the above (as sometimes people only had the one set of clothes anyway), they were clean and didn't have the time to do things with "bells and whistles" (plus, is some cases, they never knew who might have been watching... being a nosey parker is not a new thing, haha!) That is the way I go about things... if I get the urge to do something then I do it - if I didn't, by the time I'd showered, found something new to wear, cast the circle and done all the rest I'd have forgotten what I wanted to do in the first place as I have the kind of mind that does that! Sometimes the extent of my Sabbat celebration is to stay awake to watch the sunrise whilst reading about my gods (which is what I did for Beltane this year).

Anyway... it's going to be one of those topics that occupies my mind for a few days, at least... and when I come up with a way I'll post it here (for those that give a toss... for those that don't, well... just skip this post ;) )

The things that really anger me about certain Christians!

The air of utter superiority they possess! That smug, self-righteous "I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong-and-you-will-burn-in-hell-for-angering-the-LORD!!" That is what makes me the most angry. There is no respect there, nowhere... they expect to be allowed to have their opinion, but no-one is allowed to have an opinion that disagrees with them! They do not have to respect others, yet expect, nay, demand that they are respected!

The way is twisted and "interpreted" by many people to prey upon those that are actually in need of the most help... to demean and degrade and make people feel so inferior that they will do whatever you say just to be accepted!

They insist on trying to "save" those that don't believe they need saving! There was one of them on Witchbook, banging on and on about going to hell unless you accept Jesus, and that is just totally wrong... I'd never dream of going to a Christian meeting place and trying to convert them to my faith, so I don't see why they feel they have the right to go to a Pagan meeting place and post scripture and tell people they are "set-to-burn!"... So dis-respectful!!

How dare they do this... how dare they choose to disregard another's thoughts, feelings and religious preference just because they feel they have a God-given right to do so!

UGH! I am just so annoyed by those that feel they are in a position to tell others they are wrong, just because they don't believe and accept as fact every single word in a collection of 2000 year old stories... I just feel sorry for the children that are raised and brainwashed to believe everything they are told to believe and that are actively encouraged not to read about things other than, or mix with people outside, their own faith! To only hear one side of the story and follow the "logic" of "The-Bible-said-it-I-believe-it-CASE-CLOSED!"

Madness!!!

Now, I know Christians that are not like that... they are loving, accepting people that are true shining examples of all that is good about their faith... sadly they are in the minority it seems, especially online!

I feel dreadful

Something I ate last night did not agree with me in any way... I can't think what it could be, though! I've eaten nothing that I haven't had before (with no problems)... the only thing I ate that is not on my "normal" diet (more of a treat when we can afford it) was three huge organic Portobello mushrooms filled with cheese - and I made them myself (not shop bought filled mushrooms)... I just don't understand how I feel exactly how I would feel had I eaten onions, only I have not had any onions! The last time I felt this bad was last Tuesday when I had a shop-made pasta sauce (that contained onions).

I'm just so confused about my stupid stomach now... is it onions? Is it mushrooms? Is it wheat? Is it yeast? Is it lactose? Who the hell knows? Because I sure as hell don't **sigh** I seem to have reacted against all of them in the past!!

I'm also so tired and listless that it's even a huge effort to type this! Maybe the antihistamine I took earlier is the reason... knowing my luck lately I'm in the tiny percent that suffer from bad reactions (non-drowsy, my arse!)... nothing would surprise me anymore, lol! Out of my entire family, I'm the one that is allergic to the 20th century "wonder drug", Penicillin, so there you go... I always have been the awkward one.

It's a beautiful day here and apart from watering some of my potted plants in the garden I came straight back indoors, I couldn't stay out there. It was so bright and I could see so many jobs that needed doing that I turned my back in hope that the "garden elves" will help me out (little buggers never have in the past, but I live in hope, hehe).

I hate this lethargy that I seem to have all the time lately, really stops me from doing so many things that I used to do... I was planning to go to the woods today, get back to nature and take some photos, but I just can't seem to muster the energy to do it **sigh** They are only a ten minute drive away, too, and somewhere, deep in my psyche, I can feel them calling to me and I can't ignore it for much longer as the feeling is getting stronger by the day! I really should take advantage of my current unemployment to get out there and heed the call I keep getting... hopefully tomorrow will be better (at least my stomach problems should be gone by then, anyway).

Sissy is now back in Brighton

I took her this morning... we left at 11.08am and we were back by 2.11pm. Not bad time really, for a round trip of nearly 160 miles. I didn't even get out of the car at the other end, I just sat there (mainly because I was double-parked with the hazard lights flashing). The house has a completely different atmosphere now that she's gone... quieter and more peaceful. She was in a bad mood this morning (as she really didn't want to go back, but then she did nothing to try and arrange changing her course to up here, so what can you do?). In the finish we had to call into our local McDonald's and get her some food before we started out (after we went to the garage), which she ate on the way. I was glad to get her there as if I'd have heard her phone ring once more I think I would have grabbed the dread thing and thrown in out of the bloody window!!! She was talking to Pingu for almost the entire trip, and when she wasn't talking to him she was talking to the girls that she was going back to live with... no wonder her phone bill reached over £250, and Pingu over £400! They never shut the hell up!!!

It was like a fox graveyard on the drive there and back... I saw the carcasses of no less than eight foxes in the road, in varying degrees of "squished"... I always wonder if there are any cubs waiting for those adults to return with food - makes me sad the think of those beautiful creatures suffering if there is no other parent to take care of them :(

STILL NO WORD FROM THE BOY'S MOTHER... REALLY FUCKED OFF NOW! They had just better be there when I go and collect them tomorrow, that's all. Then she'll have no choice but to come and see us... will she?!?!?! Just tell me if I still have a job you selfish cow!!!

I'm trying to read "Triumph of the Moon" by Ronald Hutton again... I'm still not having much luck, and it is just as hard going as the first time :( I really want to read it as a lot of people have recommended it to me, but for some reason I stop reading it, put it down and just seem to forget all about it! It must just be one of those books that I seem to forget, like "The Woman in White" by Wilkie Collins... I've gotten halfway through that - three times - and I still haven't finished it, LOL!! Oh well, I'll keep trying with Mr. Hutton, even a page a day is better than nothing, I suppose, hehe.

I missed Imbolc!!!

I just realized that in all the confusion of this week, I've completely missed Imbolc (which I think was on the 3rd). How typical is that, LOL!!... I always seems to forget festivals.

Time to re-ignite my paganism?

I'm the first one to admit that I have done nothing regarding my beliefs for a while now... ever since I felt my connection to Selene was severed a few months ago (see here) I have not felt particularly pagan, in fact I haven't felt very much of anything. I've done no reading about pagan things, I have barely posted on pagan forums, and it was only seeing a post asking what people are doing for Imbolc that I realized that it's next week!!

I sometimes wonder if it's my spending so much time (online) around christians that affects my pagan beliefs? Maybe I see them seeming to be so happy, content and spiritually rich that it makes me want to be like them... although the six months that I tried to be christian were some of the darkest, confusing and (regarding some of the things I heard myself say!) also most embarrassing times in my entire life. The constant trying to be something that I wasn't, of having to toe the party line, of never feeling free as I was always having to measure myself by the scriptural yardstick (and failing dismally everytime) made me well and truly miserable - and even now I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt when I do things that are biblically taboo or "sins" (like lying and thinking about sex).

Maybe it's because I am so very indecisive, and the more and more I seem to think about things, the more my sense of confusion seems to grow...on the flip side, the less I seem to think about things, the clearer my true feelings become (maybe something to think about there, although not too much, lol!)

I have done nothing remotely pagan for months... I have even stopped burning candles, which is sad because I do love candles. My cauldron is under my bed somewhere, my shelf of pagan books is gathering dust... but if asked by people I will say I'm pagan... and I get very defensive if paganism (in whole or it part) is belittled, attacked or mocked, either by those who are ill-informed or by those who are trying to make us all out to be devil worshippers, child killers, mad, bad or just downright evil!

I very much have a pagan heart, although I may not actively be practicing my pagan path (which I have no idea about, which could go a long way to explaining just why I'm stalled and sort of held in a kind of holding pattern or limbo regarding it!)

Am thinking that I should go and have a read of some of the books on my shelf again... see if I can fire up my interest... it certainly can't hurt, and it may just make me feel the way I used to about my path. Maybe I should see about writing a little something for Imbolc... it's only about a week away and what better way to banish this dark feeling than with a festival of light celebration?

Thoughts of a Serial Self-Confuser: Something that made me think about the "Christian" God

Just documenting so I don't forget about it.

What a strange experience!

(long entry... sorry)


I was talking to two christians yesterday (which in this case was a bad idea) and the topic was other religions and of course the topic shifted to talk of my burning in hell for all eternity because of my refusal to accept Jesus! One poster there was only 15 and another one chimed in and the tone of their posts really upset me in the end and I got quite scared about what they were saying (mind you it was 3am, I was tired and alone and they caught me by surprise with their tag-team posting!).

Anyway... in the end I had to turn off the computer as I was getting quite panicky (never happened to me before) and I thought to myself "what if they're right and I do go to hell!" I don't even believe in the place and I was getting totally freaked out! So weird! So I close down the kitchen (lock the door, check the windows, change the cats' water, etc) and I go upstairs and start getting ready for bed. Now, normally just thinking of Selene would calm me down and make me feel better, but last night it didn't, if anything it seemed to add to my panic.

I was sat on the loo (sorry, I know, tmi!) brushing my teeth and trying to distract myself by reading a book (and failing dismally) when I heard a bird singing outside. Now that's not too strange around here, I hear birds all the time (even at 3am as we have bright lights on the motorway) but this was a bird that I'd never heard before, and as it was chirping away, a name just popped into my head "Ceridwen" and from then on I could almost hear this bird singing "Ce-rid-wen" when it was chirping. Now I've glanced briefly at the Welsh/Celtic Pantheon, but nothing more than that (the prounounciation always put me off), so why it should be the name of Ceridwen that calmed me right down and filled me with a feeling of tranquility, I have no idea, and I still don't?! I looked her up in my mythology book and the scant info I had said that she was a fertility goddess, and then mentioned about her brewing a potion of knowledge for her ugly son, but someone else drank it so she ate him and he later became the bard, Taliesin (or something like that, I was really tired by this point, and I haven't looked for more info before writing this).

After a few minutes I was feeling back to normal, and the birdsong seemed to get louder for an instant, and then it was gone... and it hasn't returned. I don't even know which bird it was, although I know what it wasn't (not crow, pigeon, magpie, starling, collared dove, blue tit or jay, as we have them on the birdtable, and I know their songs and chirps quite well). It just seemed so strange to hear a new birdsong when I was in such need of reassurance, and then once I was calm and telling myself what an idiot I was for being spooked by those people, it made me aware for an instant with an increase of volume, and then it was gone. I would know the song if I heard it again, although I cannot describe it (as I'm rubbish at doing animal impressions).

I know it's not unheard of for people to be drawn to gods from different pantheons, but I was so sure about Selene, yet today I feel nothing for her... she is just another Greek god, and I feel really sad about that... could I have been wrong about having her as my patron all along? Or was she just there to guide me into my craftwork and now her job is done and I am free to explore other things? I feel a little bereft, to tell the truth, and I don't know what to do now! If I'd been asked yesterday which god was "mine" I would have had no hesitation in answering, Selene... but ask me now and I have not a clue **sigh**

Thank Crunchie it's Friday...

... now if all of the kids would just go home and not come back for two days, I'd be really grateful, LOL!!!

I get to about 5pm on Friday evening and I just long for hometime... the last hour of the week seems to crawl along... the clock seems to stop, and also the kids seem to get really stupid and do silly things! Ben is just a hairs' breadth from getting a time out! Gladly his Mum has just come through the door, so once they go... FREEDOM!!! Hahaha.

I'm going to see about devoting a small patch of the garden to craftwork next year... nothing major, just a small place where I can go and leave offerings and pour libations. I may try and get a small statue or ornament of some kind... just a little something, even a statue that is meant to hold birdseed, or something similar, nothing fancy, but something meaningful to me. Maybe a little fairy or something that I can paint or decorate myself, just to add that personal touch... I'm quite looking forward to seeing if I can find the kind of thing I have in mind.

Finally the boys have gone... and peace and tranquility once again rule the house.