I am so angry right now!!

I didn't have to do a school run today, but I had to anyway!

I met the class that contains the little girl I collect coming back from a school trip... just at the end of my road. I asked if I could take her, and I got the reply "no you can't as I have to count her back into class". WTF!! I then had to walk to the school, with all the kids in the class, then watch as they were taken back into school and then let out again!!!

I have never heard of anything so damned stupid in my entire life! I could have understood if I was a stranger that the teacher had never seen before, but as soon as she saw me sitting on the wall she let the little girl I collect out first!

Why I couldn't have taken her when I saw her, rather than have to walk all the way to the school and back again is totally beyond me!!

Another good reason that I am taking a break from this job... this kind of pc bullshit really makes me angry, and I have no time for it anymore!!!!!

Wow, long time between updates.

I wish I could say that my life has been a hectic whirlwind of fun and laughter, with barely a moment to sit down and catch my breath... but alas it has just been the same old mundane routine, only with the added bonus of finding out that I'm totally out of work around the end of November (date yet to be confirmed!)

After doing the same job for about 20 years, and feeling thoroughly drained and fed up I've decided to take some time out when the current children leave... I just can't do this anymore and I need a break (Mum feels the same and we work together). We will be able to survive, although things will be tight, but I have to say that I'm looking forward to having some peace and quiet and not having to keep "watching the clock" for school pick-ups! Christmas will be a no present affair, but with the fifth anniversary of Nana's death on the 26th of December, christmas has long been a time of mourning for me. Christmas is really for kids anyway, and I only used to look forward to it for having the tree up with the lovely lights, and also the time off that we always got then.

The dating sites are a total waste of time and I don't visit them anymore except when I get rare messages. I had one guy that I didn't even know message me insults one Friday night (so I assume he was drunk... or just a dickhead, he soon got a piece of mind in return and also reported and blocked). Then I had a guy called Jose track me down from one site for larger women (that I joined and forgot about), to Facebook... and then he found me at a separate dating site as well (stalker much?!) The funny part was he got pissed off when I refused his offer of going out for a cup of tea (that was his first message, like I'd say yes to meeting a total stranger!). Then he got pissed off because I didn't ask him out anywhere... I don't even ask my friends out so why he thought I'd ask him is beyond me altogether lol... and then he got pissed off when I asked him to stop bothering me and he said that I was actually bothering HIM! hahaha. When I pointed out that he was the one that tracked me down at three different places, he had the gall to call me "pathetic." My reply to him was this:

Being pathetic yourself I suppose you recognise the same trait in others. Just piss off and leave me alone. You started talking to me, you found me at other places. Just get over yourself, get a life and get out of mine. I want nothing to do with you so just GO AWAY! 

A little harsh, maybe, but I no longer have patience with people that feel that I owe them something, when I actually owe them nothing. I tried to be nice and I'd asked him to not bother replying to me as he had nothing to say that I wished to read (and that got the "pathetic" response)... and I just lost my temper and let him have both barrels, so to speak. I then changed my Facebook settings so that people have to be at least "friends of friends" in order to send me messages (and not "everyone" that I had before), and I blocked him from the last site he followed me to (I didn't bother with the first site as I'm not a full member and can't read messages without paying them money which I'm not doing anymore).

I'm quite looking forward to Samhain (although as usual I completely forgot about Mabon and only remembered when people sent me "Blessed Mabon" pictures online lol! (did I mention that I'm a lazy pagan hehe). Samhain is different as I pay my respects to my passed over family... it's more personal somehow for me and I at least have to light candles for each of those that I have loved and lost. Then it's Bonfire Night, with the free fireworks display and then it's Yule and the New Year. The year seems to have whizzed past and we are back to the cold weather again (though hopefully not a repeat of the snow and ice we had at the beginning of the year!)

Why is Thursday such a bad day with kids?!

As long as I've been working with kids they have always either been naughty, rude, moody, grumpy, whiny or miserable (mainly) on Thursdays! Just what it is about Thursday that should influence kids in such a negative way I have no idea.

G has been dreadful today... he wet himself, screamed in another girl's face, snatched a toy away from her and has done nothing but moan, whine and have temper flare ups all day! The sooner he goes home the better, as it sounds like he needs to go to bed!

Sissy and Pingu are due back anytime... can't say I'm looking forward to the increase in noise, but there we go.

Yay! Doorbell... bye G... come back later when you are in a better mood!

So glad that this week is coming to an end!

I've been so stressed it's not been funny!

I've been due an inspection from Ofsted since I completed a course at the end of January... and I had it yesterday morning. I've been rushing about getting my paperwork into order, fretting about the house being clean and tidy, making sure that anything that could have harmed the kids is out of their reach (even though the kids are never left alone to touch things that could harm them)... and I needn't have bothered! The inspector didn't ask to look at any of that, she never inspected the house, checked the kitchen to make sure it is suitable for food preparation... nothing! All of the things I would have thought to be very important regarding the children (like making sure the house is good enough for them to be in) were never even mentioned! All she cared about was paperwork... and the fact that mine is not as good as it can be (even though I was taught to do it the way I am doing it) and she gave me a Satisfactory (rather than Good or Outstanding, which I didn't care about). Satisfactory means that they will not be back for three to four years and I can get back to doing what I consider more important than drowning in a sea of paperwork... actually having fun and playing with the kids, making sure they are safe and happy and grow up to be good people!

I remember when this job was fun, when I felt excited to get out of bed in the mornings as a new day meant doing new things and seeing the results in the children I cared for. Now, I dread waking up sometimes as I never know if the day will bring more paperwork that I have to have... and every minute I spend with the paper is another minute I don't spend with the kids.I was taught that the "needs of the child are paramount" but Ofsted seem to value paperwork over children and I don't agree with that. I now have to prove on paper that I can do a job I've been doing for 17 years without a complaint!

At one stage I even began to resent the three year old we had just taken on, as his arrival here brought all of the paperwork into effect... how bad is that? He can't help being three, and it was not his fault that he caused me such stress in all of the paper that happened because of his starting with us.

One thing has become clear to me, though, because of all of this... I will never take on another child under the age of six (they have to be in the first real year of school). I am not going to go through this thing again as the paperwork is really beginning to become a burden. It takes away my imagination as all activities have to be planned weeks in advance and in accordance with the statutory guidelines as laid down by Ofsted. That is not the way I work, I see what kids are interested in daily and try and get stuff together that holds their interest... I don't even plan what I'm having for dinner tonight, let alone what I'm going to with the kids a week from now!

All outings also have to have a dry run first, with no kids present and a risk assessment must be done as well... we couldn't even take the kids to the shops as we have to do it first before the kids can go and the route you take when you assess it is the route you have to take on the day - then Ofsted say that the kids have to go out more often (even though it is them that has made doing so so difficult as to be almost impossible!)

You just can't win!

Actually remembered to observe the two minutes silence today

Yes, I did! Makes a change as I normally forget (stupid woman!) Two minutes seems so long when there is total silence... I don't know how the Quakers manage having their Sunday meetings in silence, for an hour! Don't get me wrong, I love peace and quiet, but silence just allows my mind to wander, and then it starts to think of all of the things that I shouldn't be thinking of, and then I start to worry! Not good!

It's hard to believe that it's November already... where has the year gone? Maybe it was having no perceivable summer that has thrown me off track somewhere? I don't like summer, not at all, but somehow it seems like it never happened at all, and now we are back to having the dreary grey skies until March (as usual *sigh* )

I'm starting to feel differently regarding xmas... not excited, but not as "Bah! Humbug!" as I was before Bonfire Night. The fact that I get "10 WHOLE DAYS OFF!!" is making me look forward to it. I stop working xmas eve and don't start again until the new year! So wonderful, knowing that I'll not have to think about kids, the EYFS (four letters I have come to abhor!)... or planning, policies, procedures... and all the rest of the cobblers that go with it (I still have an Ofsted inspection to come, but I'll worry about that nearer the time, lol).

It's also pouring with rain, again... and Mum and Sissy have gone out with no umbrellas... oops.

It is pouring with rain here...

... such a lovely noise (though I'm glad I don't have to go out in it, lol)

Greg was meant to be going to Forest School today, but on seeing how vile the weather is we decided not to bother (he was happy about it and asked to watch Waybaloo, hehe).


My back is killing me... it's not been this bad for ages. I wonder if struggling with the large umbrella that used to be over our washing line is the cause. In order for it to cover the line and keep the clothes dry in the event of rain it has to be opened before threading it through the rotary washing line... which means it has to be lifted out open, too. I was attempting to do that the other day (when it was really windy) and this huge gust of wind caught the umbrella and pulled me backwards sharply, kind of twisting me at the same time... I thought that my arm would have suffered, sadly not, it got me in the lower right side of my back instead. Great, just what I need (though sleeping without pillows is helping, as is taking strong painkillers).

The constant lecturing from Pingu about "if it keeps on I'm taking you to the bloody hospital" and/or "get to the doctors' woman!" is really beginning to piss me off, too... like he can give out advice... this is the man that has important scan results at his own doctors in Ealing and has failed to collect them in months. Sure, I'm taking advice from someone that fails to practice what they preach... arsehole!  **sigh**

Finally, some good news regarding work

Just had our local childminding co-ordinator around (yet again, third visit) and we are finally meeting all of the daft requirements that Ofsted now demand that people meet. That means that there are no more scheduled visit from her this year... so happy. I get so stressed out when I think of her coming round as she has a habit of finding the smallest, trivial things to "action" us about (actioning means that she'll make a follow-up appointment and then come back again to make sure you've done the things she recommends and that you are "doing as you're told!")

We now have nothing planned, visit wise, until the new year... that means I can have a stress free xmas without the worry of people "making sure" I know how to do the job I've been doing for almost 18 years! It's all glorified paper wasting, but "it has to be seen to be done!"

Madness  *sigh*

So, I go to the doctors about my arm...

... and what a waste of time it was.

I was given diclofenac and told that I have a trapped tendon in my wrist and also the beginnings of a frozen shoulder! No mention of the arthritis in my wrist (which I know I have... the feeling of burning needles under the skin is enough to tell it's not normal pain... and it only seems to flare up when it's wet and/or cold - that's classic arthritis).

Plus when I get there I didn't have anywhere to sit (as usual) because all of the chairs in the place have arms. Surely I'm not the only one that cannot fit in their tiny chairs... what about heavily pregnant women? Or the elderly that have hip problems? Madness! I complained about it to the doctor (I wonder if he'll do anything about it? Probably not!!) Not only that, but it was so hot in the surgery that I was sweating after only being in there for 30 seconds - not good seeing as I in there for about 25 minutes in the end. It was like being trapped in a canary yellow, airless, windowless greenhouse. it was so oppressive I could hardly bear it. Leaving was like being freed from some kind of confinement! Never has fresh air smelled so sweet as it did this morning after exiting the doctors, lol!

He didn't do anything apart from make my arm sore (by pulling it about too much) and give me pills... pills that all of the people I know that have had them reckon are crap and don't work  *sigh* Plus, they are pills we already had in the house so I wasted over £7 on a prescription for stuff we already had here (same dosage and everything!)

My arm hurt so badly that I was in bed by 4pm... I just couldn't think of anything else to do, it hurt so very much. It feels like the whole right side of my body above the waist is stiff and any attempt to move it  just leaves me in agony. Just typing this I have a sensation of red-hot needles being pushed into my flesh from the wrist to halfway to my elbow (and I have to keep stopping and having a rest, I've been typing this for over an hour now!)

My biggest problem is not being able to hold a pen properly with my right hand, so I'm having to use my left... and I'm not left handed! My writing still looks like it was done by a kid of about 7... and I'm getting completely frustrated with the seemingly slow progress that I'm making... it never seems to get any better!!

I just wish this would go away, back to where it came from and not come back... the arthritis I can handle, as I've had that for about 10 years now, but my not being able to move my arm and shoulder is really getting on my nerves (literally as well as figuratively!!). I just feel so useless regarding work (or rather the lack of stuff that I can't do anymore) and my arm feels so heavy all the time - that and the dull ache that is always there is stopping me sleeping at night as I just can't get comfy and don't know where to put it to get some relief. Broken or sleepless nights are not good for putting me a good mood! They are my kryptonite, in fact  *sigh*

I need someone to hit me in the head with a mallet at night... then the arm pain wouldn't be problem (just the concussion, lol!)

Update

Well, so much has happened.

1) Angel-boy's face is almost healed. The visit to the vets went well, I was in and out within 15 minutes. The abscess was not very big at all (so glad I didn't wait) and there was virtually nothing in it, so it was easy to drain. The only evidence of it now is a small scab and a large area of shaved face (which is funny), though fortunately he didn't lose any whiskers.

2) My job isn't as bad as I though it was... we had a visit from an Ofsted woman today and although it wasn't the best, the situation is not so bad that we have to cease looking after kids (which I was worried about). There is so much to do now, and I'm hoping that the courses we are waiting to start will help to sort it out. I think our positive attitudes and the fact that we acknowledged that we did things wrong and are prepared to change... it went a long way admitting we made mistakes in the past and we are determined to change for the future. We still have to have an inspection sometime in the near future, but I'll try and worry about that later.

We don't have to go on an eight week course, now... just the four courses that we are missing. I felt better when I found out about that. The supervisor of the woman that came to see us agreed that it was insulting to make us attend the same courses as someone new to the job. Also, after reading the stuff she left for almost a solid week (in between actually looking for the kids, which I have to admit Mum has done more of than I have... I seem to handle the paperwork better and she better handle the kids, so it all works out well for us in the end, lol) I was able to talk to the Ofsted woman and not sound like a total idiot. I seem to read the stuff and then pass that knowledge along to Mum as she is not a great reader and I am an avid reader. I was even able to correct the woman about the main abuse catergories (she said five, I said four - and I was right, lol).


Anyway... I am gradually calming down now after seeming to have lived on a knife-edge for the past week. Hopefully I'll get a better night's sleep tonight... I tend not to worry as long as I know where I stand, plus, I have most of next week off, so I'll get a bit of holiday time (at worst I am working only two days, Wednesday and Friday, but hopefully the kids' Dad is trying to get the Friday off). Fingers crossed (also, without the kids here I can get out and get some outing risk assessments so that I can take them places once they come back, lol).

What a pile of SHIT!!

After sitting in my front room and having a woman drone on and on about having to complete mountains of paperwork, she's finally gone... over two hours later!

I hate this job...it's utterly fucking dumb - now! I am going to have to go on an eight week course, starting in November, and because I need a first aid course, and the only one available is in the starting childminding course, I (and Mum) have to do the entire course, from the beginning! How fucking insulting is that?!?! I need to go on a course TO TELL ME HOW TO DO A JOB I'VE BEEN DOING FOR OVER 17 YEARS!! Eight Saturdays in a row - how fucking splendid!!!!!

The gist of it is, everything the child does, learns, new things they say... every facet of their daily life now has to be recorded and written in a diary so that OFSTED can see what you've been doing! Weekly time logs have to be signed by the parents... risk assessments have to be carried out on any journey you may be planning (which involves doing dry runs and seeing where any trouble may lurk!) - bang goes the visit to the farm I was planning for tomorrow. We should even be doing a monthly fire drill! The kids are in the room nearest the front door! How the hell would a three year old understand a fire drill?! We can't even take pictures of the kids with mobile phones, because they are not secure and the pictures could be found by paedophiles. WTF?!?! Even to have the kids own Dad be able to pick them up we have to get written consent from their Mum (because they are separated). She even suggested a visitor's book to log everyone that comes into the house... but we don't get any visitors.

I'm more pissed off at being told I have to go on a food safety and hygiene course... I've been cooking for almost 20 years and no one has EVER been ill from anything I have ever prepared. How insulting, demeaning and degrading is that going to be?!

I so wish I could do something else... anything else... if I could quit, I would. I don't think I can do this shit anymore. They are making it so demoralising that I don't want to.

I now have two inches of paperwork I have to read and "implement"... I even have to get a Criminal Record check done on a friend that is coming to stay with us in October, because he will be in the house at the same time as the children - he'll be here a week and won't even be around the kids.

Never before have I wished I could do something else. I have nothing to fall back on, though, nothing else I can go and get a job in. I'd rather clean toilets than do this job, now.

I'm equal parts furious, pissed off, sad and utterly drained. Plus I'm crying out of sheer temper and frustration.

What a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year it will be!

I've never heard such a load of bollocks in all my life... all this since Baby P and Victoria Climbie... only problem being is that they were killed by their own family, not their childcare! Maybe if parents were subject to half of the stuff that I have to do now, it will help more kids. Shame that will never happen, though.

I'm so very nervous!

We have a woman from OFSTED coming to see us at 2pm... it's to do with looking after G. As he's only 3 I have to keep some kind of diary about his day, observing him and progress he makes, what I do with him, where we go, places I'm planning on taking him, what he eats, etc. I have no clue in how to write this daft thing, so that is the point of the visit. Apparently it also has courses that need to be attended about it (that is how complex it is, it has dedicated courses explaining the crappy thing!) Plus, we are also overdue for an inspection... so the woman will no doubt arrange for one of those, too.

Just how I'm meant to fill in a diary and also look after him at the same time, I have no clue!

That is why I said I didn't want to take on any under fives... because the sheer amount of paperwork is mad. Looks like I was right - I was hoping I was wrong  **sad face*

Thank the Gods... the kids are going early tonight...

... and I now have a whole week off! Two weekends with five weekdays inbetween!! **does the happy dance**


Of course, after that week I have the two new kids for five days a week, 8am-6pm for the following FIVE WEEKS!! Not looking forward to that bit (urgh, summer holidays are only fun when you're a kid). Both are total whingers that cry and stamp their feet if they cannot get their own way... the little boy, G (2 1/2) weed all over our small sofa the other day, completely drenching one side of the sofa and also a cushion - and the girl, C (5) is really selfish and has tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. Neither of them is spoilt by their Mum, so I have no idea why they are like it. I assume that the family members that used to do my job are the ones to blame... so, yeah, thanks guys, sterling work there!! *sigh*


Here's hoping that time goes really slowly now... none of this flying malarky! LOL (at least for the next week anyway... after that, feel free to fly like the wind... I'm actually begging you to do that, time... if you're listening? PLEASE?! hahaha)

So much for the next day update, lol

I've not felt comfy in even opening this page in case it's seen by "other people".

Fortunately they are both gone until Sunday at the earliest. Their friends are getting married on Friday so they are staying nearer to the venue (Pingu is sort of second best man... he'll get none of the credit but the silly sod is doing all of the running around, getting the stuff sorted that the "real" best man will no doubt get the thanks for at the reception *sigh*). I've no idea just why it takes four days, but I'm not complaining. I think that Pingu is getting his new tattoo started on the Sunday, it will be going from his neck just by his ear right down his right arm to his elbow... I have no idea just how much it's costing, but he's already put down a £200 deposit and he's giving them another £100 on the day!... and something tells me that he'll be going back at least three more times (such a huge waste of money, but there we go... both of them always seem to find the cash for stuff like that, yet not for the bills they should be paying... madness *sigh*)

Anyway... I started work with more kids today. A brother and sister (he 2 1/2 and she 5), three days a week, Wed, Thu and Fri. It means I lose my half day off Wed and my day off on Fri (which is a shame as I'd got really used to them, lol), but it's money and the little boy (I'll call him by his initial, G) is infinitely better than I thought he would be... if anything it's his sister (C) that is a bit of a whinger, but it doesn't work with us (others have tried and failed in the past, hehe). They weren't meant to be here tomorrow as their Mum came in and said they were both going to their grans' house, but it turns out their gran bogged off down to her caravan so they will be here after all (that's the main reason the kids are with us, their Mum was always being let down when it came to family taking care of the kids... sometimes she even had to take time off work as there was no one to care for them as had been arranged beforehand! :( )

It's really nice having spare money again (I was paid this morning for this week, which was lovely). Just to go shopping and be able to buy something if I want to (even though there is now nothing that I want, so ironic, hehe). To not have to worry about either having gas and electricity or eating... to be able to pay our bills and not keep having to stall people with empty promises to pay them later - well, it makes all the difference in getting a good night's sleep!

I was woken up three times by Pingu last night! I was livid this morning... I never wake during the night, so if I'm woken I end up feeling as if I've not been to sleep. He woke me at 3am crashing about in the toilet... then his alarm was so loud it woke me at 4.30am... and then he woke me again when he left for work at just gone 5am. The first thing I did with my new wages was to go into my local chemist and buy £2's worth of earplugs! I've been looking at the garish hot-pink soft foam rubber things for weeks, but resisted the urge to get them. However, last night convinced me that it would be a sound investment, lol. Typical that I buy them and then the noise is gone as they are both away for four nights, hahaha! I have no doubt that they will be worth every penny when they return, though.

So loving the cooler weather at the moment... sadly it won't last, but it's so much nicer being able to sleep in a cool room instead of feeling as if you've just layed down in Satan's armpit!

Spent the last four hours at the hospital in A&E (ER)...

... after the autistic guy we look after went on a temper rampage and bit Mum's had until it bled!! In the end his Mum and I managed to man-handle him into our back room and lock him in until he'd calmed down (which took about ten minutes or so!)

I have never seen Josh so angry as he was tonight... it scared me (the rage, not him personally), especially when he had his mouth locked on Mum's hand and wouldn't let go. I had to put my fingers in his mouth and force it open before he released her hand.

Mum cried, Josh's Mum cried and I was close to tears, but I managed to calm myself down (I have no idea how).

After getting seen by the doctor, Mum had to have a tetanus booster shot in her arm (queue my looking nauseous and looking away while taking many deep breaths!) and they gave a her a dumb sling to keep her arm elevated (to help reduce the swelling) some antibiotics (to kill any potential infection from the bite) and also some painkillers.

I feel dead tired and feel as if I could sleep for a hundred years. Josh also hurt me, although at the time I didn't even feel it... gotta love adrenaline! He has scratched the back of my neck, and I also have a few little marks on my hands and arms... Mum got the worst of him, sadly... though he would have bitten me if he'd had the chance, as I was restraining him (just prior to locking him in the room) he tried to bite me six times, but I dodged him.

I feel so sorry for his Mum... she is always walking on eggshells around him, never knowing if he's going to turn on her like he did tonight (and tonight proved that he can turn in the blink of an eye, as one minute he was playing with Mum and the next he was attacking her for no reason and had a look of pure hatred on his face, it was horrible!!)... and she'd be all on her own with him, as Josh's Dad seems to have better things to do than help with the care of his son :( We've said that if she has any problems with Josh over the bank holiday weekend, or if she needs a break or if he goes for her in any way, that she can call us and we'll be straight round (their house is about a five minute drive from here). It doesn't help that Josh is 6'1", weighs more than she does and is as strong as an ox and his Mum is about 5'6" and a size 10 (if that) with a weak back... I only came off so well as I'm stronger, heavier and roughly the same height... basically he didn't stand a chance as he ended up dealing with the one person that is not scared of him in any way! (and sadly he has the bruised shoulders to prove it... for which I apologised to his Mum about as I never intended to mark him like that).

Anyway... I've just had a quick bite to eat, as I'd had nothing to eat since about 2pm, and I think I'm going to clean my wounds and go to bed. What an end to Beltane :(

Just had a haircut

... I got Mum to lop four inches off the bottom... it's sort of shoulder length now (it's still wet, so it will raise up a bit once dry). It feels so much nicer... I hate the feeling of having hair everywhere (especially the stray ones that seem get inside your clothes and tickle your bloody back!)... and I also want to to stop dying it as I've noticed that it's getting really thin lately (and I seem to lose an awful lot when I wash my hair, which I have to do every day). I can still get it in a pony tail, so it's all good :)

I feel so tired again today, and my eyes are itchy and stingy and I have a stuffy nose (sure sign of hayfever, though I've taken my antihistamine today, so I've no idea why I still feel like that :( )... I'm still in my pj's, but I have to get dressed soon, for some reason I seem to be more tired when I stay in them than when I get dressed (probably psychological, as I associate pj's with bed or feeling unwell).

My stomach seems to be ok, it feels very "heavy" though, probably the leftover from the other day (though it feels as if it wouldn't take too much for it to react again :( )

Anyway, I'm enjoying my "unofficial" time off (not expecting any calls about work until May)... money is tight, but sorted (which is a relief) and I'm amazed just how little you actually need to survive on when you really try... I've had a closer look at my book collection and re-discovered some that I'd forgotten about and my local library is (hopefully) re-opening (after a major refit) this weekend, so I might have a wander up there and see if they have anything new :). I love not having the boys in here, peace and quiet have returned, and when we told the little girl we have (E) that the boys had left, her exact words were "Oh good!" LOL. With just her here it now means that until Noo comes in (Friday afternoons sometime after 2) we have Friday mornings off, and also work a half day Wednesdays. I could get used to it, I have to say. The last time I drove the car was Monday when we took Sissy back to Brighton and I haven't missed it, not really... it's lovely to know there is a car there, but I don't miss having to second guess some of the idiots that are on the roads these days! Better for the environment, too (I'm certainly driving five miles less a week now, lol).

Now, if I could just get my eyes to stop stinging and find some energy (as my "get up and go" seems to have "got up and gone" without me!) it would be perfect.

I lost my job yesterday!

The two boys we had in here lied to their mother, and she "hating confrontation" believed them, without even having the decency to talk to us about it and placed them somewhere else over the half term! Apparently a four year old cannot lie... hate to tell you, love, but yes they can, and your one certainly does! The only reason the kids didn't like being here is that we never gave into them and they had to follow our rules and do as they were told... something that their mother fails to get them to do on an epic scale! She once rewarded her youngest son for walking off by giving him a cake because he started crying! What kind of message is that sending?... in order to get what you want all you have to do is annoy your mum enough and tantrum her into submission!! Madness.

The very best of luck to whoever ends up collecting them, they'll need it... the oldest one is a liar and sneaky as hell and the youngest one is a manipulative little psycho that tries to bargain his way out of punishment... I have to say that I'm glad they are gone, I just wish I'd had some notice and also the money I'm owed, but that won't happen! The text messages she was sending earlier had more bullshit in them than a field of cows and I can see where her kids get their deceitfulness from.

Anyway... I still have one one little girl and she is lovely and thankfully now out of the presence of "the terrible two"... their bad behaviour was starting to rub off on her and we were actually thinking of getting new kids in and telling them to leave!!!. I've notified the council we now have vacancies and also asked the local school if they can let us know if any parents are looking for childcare. I don't really know what else to do... I'm not qualified to do anything else and if I start looking for a different job and then people want to come in, what do I do then? Money will be tight, very tight, but I think will can survive for awhile. Mum spoke to the mortgage company earlier and there is a new arrangement in place with them, so our house is safe, we have a few cutbacks to make (not wasting food, watching our utility use and getting rid of some of the cable tv, that kind of thing)... but hopefully with the warmer weather coming we will not be spending so much for gas and electricity anyway. I'm hoping that Mum is going to give up smoking, but I'm not holding my breath... there is more stress now and she isn't in the right frame of mind either, so not the best time to give up the one thing that calms you down, LOL!

The day has just been totally surreal, and I'm sick of thinking about it (as is Mum)... we are meant to be getting a text from "her" but I'm not holding my breath... I just find it amazing that a woman can be so gullible in thinking that her kids don't lie when they do it to her all the time... they broke her oven two months ago and they still haven't told her the truth about how it happened - but her kids don't lie... **sarcasm**

Still no onions...

... and my stomach has been as quiet as a mouse... no bloating, nausea, cramps, flatulence, etc for three days... it's been like heaven in my stomach - just wish that everything else was doing as well!

I cannot wait for Sissy to go back to Brighton... she's away with Pingu at a friends' barbeque today, and I can honestly say I was glad to see her go!! They tried to cook bacon sandwiches this morning, I say tried! He ended up burning through an expensive plastic chopping board, left the surfaces covered in bread crumbs and butter, and she spilt baked bean juice all over herself, the floor, the surfaces and the microwave and they then walked away and left it!!!. Not to mention that I was woken up by the repeated slamming of draws and cupboard doors and the smell of the grease and burnt bread made me feel really queasy, too... all made me the crankiest monster I've been for a long time. I only started to settle down and stop being angry once she left for the barbeque... I also made a lemon drizzle cake, and it focused my attention and calmed me down completely.

Still no contact from the boys' Mum, Michelle... this is getting really stupid and I just want to know if I still have a job next week **angry**

Didn't manage to get out in the garden, either, between dropping Dad to Nan's house, collecting him, going round to see if Michelle was home (she wasn't), baking some bread and also a cake I didn't seem to find the time. I also got up about 11.30 am and after yesterday's little accident my back was killing me! (The "accident" was my chair collapsing under me which sent me slithering to the floor... I laughed like a maniac when it happened, probably because Pingu was standing there and I was so embarrassed I tried to laugh it off. I can feel it in my lower back on the right side now, though... that was the side I landed on, and I can feel it pulling slightly whenever I move... gotta love ibuprofen, LOL!)

No onions today...

... and I feel fine. No nausea, wind, bloating, flatulence... nothing! I even had a small amount of chives on some sushi earlier and nothing, though granted, it was a very small amount, more like a garnish (and I couldn't even taste them). I'm going to stay onion-free until the weekend and then, if I feel brave enough, I'm going to eat some onions and see if they effect me. I'm going to try a cheese sandwich tomorrow, and then I'll add some onion to a similar sanwich over the weekend (just so that the test is sort of controlled, and I'll know it's not the bread or cheese if I'm fine with them on their own).

Still no contact from the boy's Mum... there have been many messages left for her and still no reply to any of them! I have no idea where I stand with her anymore, and the not knowing is annoying me (although I am forcing myself not to worry, as in the past I always have, and nothing has happened to us, so I'm staying positive and hoping that like will attract like as it seems to do for everyone that I know!! Most of the people I know could fall in shit and come out smelling of roses, so I'm hoping some of it will rub of on us if I adopt the same way of thinking... certainly can't hurt, LOL!)

I'm hoping to get out in the garden tomorrow... I lost a couple of plants over the dreadful winter we had and they are now looking all sad and brown, so I want to get them out and put some potted plants in their places. I have a large rosemary that I'd love to get in the bed with the other herbs, and I also have a bay and a lovely camellia that are just crying out for a nice earthy home (that is not in a pot!) I'm hoping that I have some growmore or something like it in the shed as I can't afford to buy any at the moment (and I like to get my plants off to the best start by giving them some food to draw on when I plant them in the ground). I've finally got my compost for sowing my seeds and also potting up my houseplants, so I'm hoping to get most, if not all of that done in the remaining three days I have off :)

I'll have to clean the small greenhouse and do a patch job in repairing the polycarbonate sheet that was cracked last year in a gale, but I'm hoping it won't take too long to do... once that's done all I'll have to do is move the power supply in there and plug in the heated propagators (and hope they still work!). Once I do all that, it'll be sowing time... and I love sowing seeds, and I really get excited when I see those little green shoots pushing through the soil, hehe.

A quick update whilst Sissy is away...

... she is going out to meet her brothers' new boyfriend, and will be gone for most of the day... which is nice, after having her mooning and pining for her bloke. Pingu, who wasn't here last night - one night they have not been together since she came back about a month ago and she was at the point of crying because she missed him so much! It's probably the old cynic in me that thinks that is not normal, but then I've never been in a relationship so I suppose I really can't judge what is normal or not to someone that is in one **shrugs**

I think I have found the reason for my digestive troubles... allium intolerance - more specifically onions (and members of the onion family such as leeks, shallots, spring onions, chives and garlic)! I've been keeping a food diary and I've had symptoms on three occasions, and on all of those occasions I've eaten something with onions in... a bolognese sauce, a packet of Nik Naks (which contain dried onion and garlic) and a jar of supermarket own brand pasta sauce. Within 30 minutes of eating them all I've had the familiar symptoms, bloating, cramps in the stomach, a churning feeling in my insides, nausea, flatulence and my food also starts repeating on me (which is nasty as you get to taste the food you've just eaten every time you burp :( ). My system is also effected for 24-48 hours depending on the amount I've eaten (I won't go into tmi. but it entails much time spent on the toilet... and not being sick!)... I do hope this is the real cause of my troubles, in the past I've thought it could be a whole host of different things, including lactose, wheat, meat and yeast... if it's not then I don't know what it is and I may go to the doctor and see if they can do a full food allergy test to see if that can pin-point what it actually is! Shame if it is onions as I love them, I have them raw and cooked and everything I cook contains onions of some sort... they are also in EVERYTHING, tomato sauce, spaghetti hoops, baked beans, anything with any kind of gravy... the list is immense, and also quite saddening as most of the things I love to eat are included in there somewhere :( You wouldn't believe the things that have onion powder added to them! Things like chicken in white sauce and some cup-a-soups... also the occasional junk food that we have is also off the menu now (if it is onions) as things such as Chinese and Pizza all use onions in their cooking and sauces... and I think the only things I could have with any degree of safety would be a kebab (as you just ask for no onion) and maybe a burger from a fast food chain (again, asking for no onions)... fish and chips should also be alright. Oh well... will just have to wait and see - again, LOL! Will avoid all things allium for a few days and then be very brave and eat some onions... then sit back and enjoy the feeling of people wrestling in my innards (if it is onions, of course).

I have not been paid from one of the Mum's we have here! She was supposed to come down and pay me last Thursday, but she never did... neither is she answering any of her phones, or returning my messages. I even went to her house on Saturday and spoke to her and she said that her bank card was at her friends house, and she was going there to get it and she'd give me a call in the afternoon... still waiting for that one!!! I don't know if it means that the boys are leaving, have left, whether it means she's not planning on paying me for this holiday (even though she signed a contract saying she would and the boys could have been here, it was her choice to leave them with their aunt!)... I have no idea, all I do know is that I'm getting quite pissed off at being ignored and the not knowing is making me angry. I'd love to tell her where to stick her kids, but I need the money... I wonder if Ben walking off on the last day of term has anything to do with this sudden avoidance of me, but she seemed uncaring at the time and how was I meant to know he was going to wander off - he never has in the past **shrugs** If they do leave, I still want my one month's notice and I greatly pity whoever is lumbered taking care of Ben in the future... I'd wish them all the luck in the world, if I thought it would do any good (only I know it won't!!)

Maybe I should start advertising for more kids anyway? My problem being if I get more in and they go to a different school and then the boys are not leaving, how do I get them all? LOL! Sometimes I wish being a witch meant that I did have a working flying broomstick **sigh** having to stick to normal methods of transport is very boring. expensive and time-consuming, hehe.

April Fool's Day... in a very BAD way!!

I had one of the kids walk off today! I was bending down for one minute folding up some of his jumpers (that he has a propensity to lose daily) and when I looked up he was gone! His older brother and I looked all over the place for him and I was just on the verge of panicking when his teacher walked up to me with him by the hand and said that a parent had found him walking and taken him back to the office!

I was so angry! Turned out that he had walked out of the school gates and was walking on the street outside the school, when a parent found him and took him back to the school! When I think of what might of happened to him, I was equally angry and shit scared! The possibilities are virtually endless for the things that could have been done to him and also to us by default.

The boy had been sat in the naughty corner since he got in from school (about 30 minutes) and all of the talking at him was doing no good at all, so as he just left the corner I shouted at him as he only seems to remember warnings and things when you make him cry! (I hated doing it, but I cannot have him walking off again in the future and he's one of those kids that only seem to recall what you tell them if they get upset at the same time).

I'd rather the kid fear me and do as I say than think of me as a pushover and never do as I say (sounds harsh, but there we go!)