I got a parking ticket today!!

For parking outside my own house!

Granted, my parking permit had expired, but the car is a disabled car, for my Father, and we sent off the paperwork to get a disabled parking permit at the end of January and we still haven't got it! The tax disc even has the word "disabled" written on it! If I hear that "we don't check tax discs" I think I will explode... the permit is just above the tax disc, and you can't see one without seeing the other, so that is lies!

Stupid me for just assuming that it would be logged down on their system that we were awaiting the disabled permit... obviously not! We did everything they said to do, even faxing over a copy of Dad's blue disabled parking badge for their records!

That is £40 that we now have to find, and all because people that are meant to do a job don't bloody do it!

Drives me barmy!

My old car is gone...

... she was driven away, up the hill in a blaze of smoke... good to see nothing has changed LOL!

I'm sad, but I didn't cry... well until I got home and Mum started (out of guilt at not being able to afford the repairs) - which set me off, but only a few tears, nothing major.

Ah well... at least we still have the other car (even if it is only for being Dad's taxi).

Is it wrong to grieve over a car?

The answer to that is obviously yes... why then, am I still doing it?!

Mum and Dad are currently outside talking to a man ** that will hopefully give us some money for the old car and then take it away... I am crying my eyes out at the prospect of this happening. I love that car.

Nobody seems to want to give us a decent amount of money for it, either. We currently have quotes for between £80 and £150... for a car that has numerous new parts on it (well over £400 of new parts in the last six months!) We are probably going to have to go with the offer for £150... it's my uncles' friend and at least we know and trust the guy. Just the thought of my car going through the scrapper makes me upset, though... why do I feel like that?!?!?! It's... a... CAR! Not a human being, not an animal, a car... what is wrong with me?

Granted, it was my first car and there are so many memories attached to it (both good and bad), but even so, when all is said and done (and however much personality I, for whatever reason, have attached to it) it's still just a car **sigh**

Why can I not seem to let things go? I hate having to lose/give away my possessions... unless I know they are going to a good home that will take care of my things the same way I would myself - then I seem to be ok with letting things go.

I don't know... I guess it's something that I'm just going to have to get over... and the sooner I do it, the better I will be in the future (I suppose).

** The guy that came to see about the car just now was totally rude and after offering £100 was told to get lost! He even came with a tow truck (talk about presumptuous!) When he was told no, he even walked away leaving the engine running! What a total arsehole!!!

Well...

... we went and sorted out the car. The guy in the dealership says that he can't see any reason for the claim to not go through, and we should hear by Tuesday (although the car could take anything from a week to a month to be ready for us to have).

Dad did come with us, and he's paying for it now! We got back by midday, and I've only seen him once since then... he's been laying down, and on the walk down the hill on the return journey he had to stop five times to rest and have a sit down! I can honestly say that I can't wait for the car to get here in terms of him not having to push himself past his physical limits anymore. He also nearly fell over on the way home in trying to run for a bus! It was a bloody stupid thing to do, and he got right told off by both Mum and me for doing it, too.

I'm not getting my hopes up, just in case there is some problem and the claim is rejected (I can't see why, and the guy actually said that he can see no reason why it shouldn't go through... one of the few things that would have stopped it would have been if there had been any active points on either my or my Dad's driving licences - I have none, and Dad had three points, but that was in 1986, so they are well and truly gone now!)

I have no idea what to do about my car, though... it's still upsetting for me to think of it being crushed, maybe because it's got so many new parts on it, we've only just had the starter motor, exhaust and battery replaced... I just have so many mixed feeling swirling around in my head at the moment, so it's probably best for me to not think too much about it **sigh**

I went upstairs atfter I wrote the entry below this one...

... and I cried my eyes out. I cried so much that in the end I cried myself to sleep. Silly, I know, but I couldn't stop myself.

I do feel better now, but I have a feeling that it wouldn't take much to make me feel sad again.

Anyway... roll on tomorrow (or later today, I should say). I just really hope that Dad is not going to try and come with us, but I have a nasty feeling that he will! The stubborn old git just will not accept his limitations! That would look really good, wouldn't it, we are going to try and get a car for a man that cannot walk more than 300 yards, and the stubborn old git is going to try (and no doubt knacker himself in the process) by coming with us, thereby seemingly degating the claim that makes us eligible for the car in the first place! That only makes logical sense in my father's brain, hehe.

I'm hoping that he'll still be asleep when we leave, but knowing him, he'll be awake.

I am talking to him now, and using my (hopefully successful) powers of persuasion to get him to stay here... fingers crossed with that one... I'd probably have more luck trying to change a piece of cheese into a diamond! LOL!

I think I may have gotten through to him (although it will probably have made no difference come the morning... I may just have to get the pickaxe handle ready and give him a whop on the noggin with it if he tries to come with us! If you hear a man scream in pain, that'll be my Dad ;) )

Not holding my breath, but...

... we have an appointment tomorrow at 10.30am at a car dealership a few miles from us to see about getting a car on Dad's DLA. We are hoping to get something like a Kia Soul (we have to have a car that is quite high so that Dad can get out of it, but also that is big enough inside to take me... being a person of huge size, and all). Plus I would like it to have three seats in the back (with seat belts) so that I can at least take us all to the coast if we want to go... there would be at least four of us if Sissy came, maybe five if my Nan came, too).

I'm still undecided about using it for the kids... when all is said and done, the job I do, I do to keep a roof over our heads, including Dad, so it is to his nest interests if I use the car to carrying on working. Would the DLA see it in the same way as I do... probably not. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose.

Mum is feeling quite excited at the prospect of getting a new car. All of the cars we have ever had have been second hand, sometimes third hand (or more), but as nice as it would be to have a brand new car, and as happy as I am over the fact that there is light at the end of this particular tunnel, another part of me is teetering on grief at the thought of losing my car... the car that my Dad bought me five years ago as a present for passing my test... the only car that has ever been mine. I feel very melancholy at the moment, and it wouldn't take too much to sit here and burst into tears. Just the thought of my car going to the crusher or being stripped for parts breaks my heart, it really does... but what can I do? Realistically we will be much better off financially in getting the new car (as the loss of DLA money is made up by the money we'd get back in tax and insurance from the old one).

I just have so many memories mixed up in that car... holidays with my Nana, trips with the kids, all of the fun and laughter that has happened inside it over the years. For someone that hates change and clings to the past to the huge extent that I do, it's like the passing of an era. One thing I do know... when we find a way to get my car taken away, I will not be able to watch her go... it would be too much for me to watch.

Must stop writing now... I'm getting far too upset.


**Please forgive any mistakes or spelling errors in the above entry... I'm far too emotional to read it through to check it :(**

Happy New Year!!!

Or not!

Had the mechanic round to see just why my car is belching plumes of white smoke from the exhaust and he said that the piston rings are going. This is not good at all... it means the car needs a new engine... which means that I am probably going to lose my car. I am very upset at the moment, I had a bad feeling that the problem was serious, but as usual I did my "head in the sand" routine (I seem to have an inablilty to cope with some things, mostly concerning change or the losing of my prized possessions).

I know that I should consider myself lucky in the things that I do have... and watching the news this week and seeing the terrible things happening in Haiti, my not having a car is terribly petty - compared to the people that have lost everything that they own! The problem stems from the fact that I seem to give inanimate objects personalities... it's something I've always done, from thinking that my teddies had feelings, right up to the present day, when I gave my car a gender and a name... that was a big mistake, but it's what I do (maybe being a fairly lonely person I make my own friends from inanimate objects... no rejection that way).

So that means that I will be car-less in about four days (the guy's brother is looking for a new engine, but seeing as the car is an import from Japan, the chances aren't looking good... and even if he can find one my car will be out of action for about a week, plus we will have to find approx £500 for the engine and then pay labour on top - yeah, like that's gonna happen, we are broke!)

All this is not helped by the fact that I feel ill (it's only a cold, but the losing of my voice and also the constant headache I have from my sinuses means that I have trouble thinking clearly and am often grumpy, too).

We have had to get kids on the bus from school, which normally wouldn't be that much of a problem, but the buses are not running up our hill until the 2nd Feb, so that means that in order to get the bus we have to walk up a hill that is 1/4 of a mile long... not a good thing when you are running late - also not a good thing when you have a man that cannot walk more than 300 yards without getting breathless (who is also registered disabled, whether he accepts it or not!), that is insisting he has to go out "because he feels trapped". What we are going to do once Katie comes back I have no idea... I can't even think about it without getting fairly confused (I've run through so many differing routes and ways of doing it, but after walking the boys home from school the other day, there is no way in hell that I can be at two different schools in 10-15 minutes on foot... it took about ten minutes just to get them out of school and to the bus stop!)

There is only one bright spot on the horizon as far as getting a car goes... and that is that we could get one for my Dad through his DLA (Disability Living Allowance). All we would have to pay for would be fuel for it as they pay for everything else. We are currently looking up about it online (the offices are closed until Monday! How stupid, but there we go...) the only problem being that the car is only meant to be used for Dad, or for journey's concerning Dad if he's not in the car (like getting his prescriptions from the chemist). Now, would my using the car for picking up the kids, whose money pays the mortgage, that keeps him from being homeless, be seen as a journey for him?? Probably not, so I could still have a problem in doing school runs.

I suppose that I should just wait and see what the guy says about my car... I just hate not knowing, though... I feel restless and uncertain if I don't know what I can do **sigh**

I am so tired... again!

Did the school run on the bus (way there) and on foot (way home) earlier today. Now I am the worlds' laziest person, so for me to walk a mile and a half in one go is a fairly big deal... especially with a seven and four year old as well. My feet and back hurt, but apart from that I don't feel too bad. I just wish that I could get rid of this head cold!

I have laryngitis now. I sounded like a teenaged boy with a breaking voice earlier today, but as time is going on I am getting more and more croaky and my ability to speak is decreasing. Would never be surprised if I don't lose my voice entirely in the very near future (not a good thing to happen when you look after kids and need to be able to do things like talk to them!!) Fortunately I don't have a sore throat, though, so at least I don't have that extra pain.

All I really want to do is go to bed, but if I go now I will be up at four in the morning, so I'll have to hang it out until at least 11pm (the past has shown that my going to bed any earlier than 11pm, except in the case of severe illness, just wakes me up far too early in the morning and by the afternoon school run I'm asleep on my feet... which is not good when I have to walk on them LOL!)


Mum phoned the mechanic that came round last time (Lee) and he is coming to have a look at "The-Embarrassing-Mobile" on Saturday. Fingers crossed for good news!

SHIT!!!

Think my car is going wrong... again!! There is still clouds of white smoke belching out of the back whenever I drive it! It can be so bad that I can't see the road behind me (and it must be like driving in fog for those poor unfortunates behind me, and for all of the pedestrians on the pavement!) I'm surprised that I've not been stopped by the police, and I don't think I want to carry on driving it at the moment... it's so embarrassing (not to mention dreadful for the environment **sigh**). I'm seriously thinking about getting the kids on the bus, the only problem being that the buses are not coming down my road at the moment (the bottom of the road is closed, without any warning, I might add!)

I must admit that ever since I've been driving people have taken advantage of the fact that I can! We only used to go to local schools before I drove, but as soon as I passed people started to just assume they could send their kids to any school as I could go and get them in the car (even though they didn't want to pay me for going and getting them, diesel etc)

We are going to call the mechanic that my uncle recommended to us (the guy that came round last time) and see if he can find the problem... it's been said to be everything from too much oil to the piston rings wearing out (which would be as expensive as buying a new engine, which would mean getting rid of the car!)

Add to that the fact that I have a cold that is getting worse by the day (got a sore throat now and I keep losing my voice... thank the gods for Lockets, LOL!), and the kids are playing up something chronic (if I never hear the name Ben again it will be too soon!!) Also one of the Mum's came in tonight and said that her work are messing her about with her shifts (she's a Community Support Officer with the Police), and they are giving her stupid shifts like 4pm-Midnight and 2pm-10pm... she is a single Mum of three and cannot do those kinds of hours all the time as she's expected to do! Part of me is happy at the thought of Kyah going (she winds the others up and is also a compulsive liar, though she can be funny), but another part of me would miss the money, although we would find a way to live without it.

Am now watching the news... I need to see stories about people that are far worse than I am (I need to gain some perspective right about now!!)

CRAP!!!!

I have a nasty feeling that my car is going to need a new exhaust very soon! It's making a very strange noise... a noise that I don't like one little bit, a sort of whistling noise and also it sounds very chuggy all of a sudden at the rear of the car.

It started on Monday and has got steadliy louder all week... how splendid! I have no idea how I'll pay for that as I still haven't been paid yet, plus I have no idea how much something like that will cost, though knowing my luck it will be so steep it will look vertical!! LOL.

Must phone the garage tomorrow and get the bad news **sigh**

A quick update...

... Joshie is doing well and out of the hospital. He has lost so much weight, though... a whole stone (12 pounds) in nine days!! He never had that much meat on him to start with so he looks really skinny now. He is eating and walking around, though, so he's on the mend. Thank you to all that kept him in your thoughts   (((hugs)))



Sissy is back again for the weekend. It was the scareist drive I have ever done... most of the motorways on the way down and back have no lights on them for huge long stretches, and I've never driven in the dark before. I love the person that invented cats' eyes, though, would love to give them hug as sometimes it was so dark that without them I'd have been in trouble... especially when the air got misty a few times :( Such a weird sensation to be in the dark, yet be dazzled by headlights from other cars at the same time. Mum got so nervous that in the end I was doing 50mph on the M25, so as you can imagine I was being overtaken all the time.. not that I cared, I was a bit nervous myself. I have a feeling that I'm going to be doing it all over again on Monday night to take her back... what joy, LOL!!!

Not all bad, though... I only took one wrong turn... I must be getting better with practice, hahaha!!!


I also don't think that I have a yeast intolerance after all... I've been eating bread all week (after having some toast, just to test it out) and I've had no adverse effects at all. So it can't be that and I have run out of ideas of what it can be  **sigh** The search for my digestive gremlin continues......

I am so tired!

Still, I suppose driving to Brighton and back in the pouring rain, then getting lost twice on the way back, might explain that... first time I took the wrong turn out of Brighton and ended up on the A27 down past Lancing (which is on the way to Portsmouth! nowhere near London, lol opposite direction in fact and the furthest south I've ever driven) and the second time I missed the turn off for the A2 and ended up almost crossing the Dartford Toll Tunnel (but managed to turn around in time!)

All told I must have driven about four straight hours (most of them in dreadful visability, with such bad spray it looked like fog!) and adding the "detours" to the total milage I must have done close to 200 miles!! Add to that a school run this afternoon, and also all of the kids being nightmares... two wouldn't do as they were told, one was just having a ball encouraging those two, and the other one started crying because she didn't want to watch Tom and Jerry, or even listen to it, when it was time for someone else to have their choice of programme on! (we have the tv watched in turns, one person watches what they like and all watch that, then it's someone else's turn... none of them like sharing anything, but that's just tough, if they don't share it, they don't watch any at all!!)


Anyway... I am now waiting for the huge rice pudding that I've put in the oven to turn out a total disaster to just put the cherry on the top of a fairly crap day, LOLOLOL!!!

MOT day for the car...

... IT PASSED!!!!! I am so very, very, very, very happy and relieved... all it needs is some new front windscreen wiper blades. That was the longest 35 mintues of my life! LOL!!

I now owe Selene (my patron goddess) an offering of white wine (her choice) for giving me the strength to get through the past week! I have the wine sitting beside me and am just waiting until later on to go and make the offering in my cauldron first and then I shall use it as a libation on the garden tomorrow.

Finally Samhain

I do hope that the new year is going to better than the last one! It's not off to a very good start as I have to take my car in for its MOT at 12.30 this afternoon... dreading that, I really am, I just have a terrible feeling that it will fail! But then I think that every year, and it has only failed once in five years (last year).

I really should stop being so pessimistic about things... but then if I prepare for the worst I am rarely shocked by bad news, so maybe it's my way of protecting myself from undue harm (weird, but it seems to work for me, LOL!!)


I had a migraine yesterday, which is no doubt because of all of the subconscious stress I've been under this last week... what with not being paid, having to work when I thought I'd got a week off, worrying about the car, the interview that I was dreading and also the MOT and not being able to pay the mortgage yet (as I haven't been paid) and all in all it's not been a good week for me here (which is an understatement to say the least!!)

Anyway... I'm going to see about having a nice long sleep, and I'm hopefully not going to be getting up before about 11am in the morning... the garage is only a ten minute walk away, so takes about two minutes in the car... it's just the waiting and not knowing that bothers me... I can usually handle most things, once I know what they are, hehehe!


Finger crossed!

I have a car...

.. AND IT WORKS!!!

I'm so bloody happy... turn the key in the ignition and it starts. Such a wonderful noise, and after the dreaded clicking that it has been making lately, such a welcome change.


I've been avoiding yeast all week, and I feel fine... no pain, bloating, cramps or other discomfort, so it must be that, as I've been eating pasta and soda bread (wheat of all kinds) and not a problem.

All in all, life is ticking along merrily at the moment - which makes a change from the semi-organised chaos that it usually seems to be LOL!!

Hopefully...

... the car problems will be fixed this time tomorrow.

We finally managed to get hold of the mechanic that used to be down the road from us... he's semi-retired and is now in Tunbridge, but he's up in London a few times a week doing jobs for old customers and friends. He tested the battery for me, and at first there was nothing wrong with it, but as I about to leave it made the very noise that I was trying (and failing badly) to describe that it makes. He then re-tested the battery and he thinks that it maybe faulty.

We have a new battery arriving tomorrow and he's going to fit and check it over for us (as for the current one, although it's probably still under a guarantee of some kind, we cannot find the papers for it here, and they don't keep a paper record of sales, only work carried out, so we can't prove how long we've had it, which is a shame).

So, hopefully, the car should be working again... so all I have to do now is pray that it passes it's MOT, LOL!

Think We Shall Be Switching Our Breakdown Cover!

The mechanic arrived yesterday evening (was meant to be here at 7pm, got here about 35 minures late) and he brought a new starter motor with him... only he didn't need to use it!! There was nothing at all wrong with the starter motor, or the alternator... the battery is crapped out and the guy that sold it to me two years ago (thereabouts) is no longer permanently around here anymore, he just flits about like the Scarlet Pimpernel (as in, "they seek him there, they seek him there...") and I only ever see him when I don't need him. So much for the three year warranty from him!!

So I have to get a new battery now!

The mechanic said which one to get and said that it should cost about £70 (splendid), but fortunately, the Mum of the boys that we have just taken on works for a motor parts supplier, and she's going to look into getting us one, wholesale, for half the price and Dad will put it on here (we have a battery charger and stuff to connect it). Dad did a mechanics course (years ago now) but I doubt that changing a battery has changed much over the years... plus he will feel useful again, and he doesn't get that feeling very often lately as he can't do the things that he used to do because of physical disablities.

As it wasn't a fault of the mechanics (or their part) he charged us the standard £55 call-out fee (that's also their hourly rate for working) and we now have to try and claim that money from the breakdown providers, as it was their stupidity/negligence/imcompetance that meant we called the mechanics back here in the first place!

That should be fun... the analogy of 'blood out of a stone' springs to mind **sigh**

Well, that's good news anyway

We called the breakdown guy out for the car, and he said that there is nothing wrong with the battery (which is fully charged) or the alternator (which must be fine as the battery is fully charged), it is the starter motor that is the problem. The breakdown man even bypassed the battery on the car, with one of those huge rechargable battery packs that give jump-starts, and that didn't work, so it has to be the starter motor.

But... we called the mobile mechanic out that put the starter motor on about six weeks ago (they are a 24/7 call-out place) and after profusely apologising for the bad part they are coming back out tomorrow sometime to replace it free of charge, as the current one is still under the it's one year warranty.

So at least it's not going to cost us anymore money (which is great as we haven't got any).

It still has to go through it's MOT sometime this month (can't find the old MOT from last year, as it's playing a splendid game of hide and seek, so will have to phone the garage that did it last year and ask them when it's due, get it booked in, blah, blah, blah)... at least, after tomorrow, I'll (hopefully) be able to drive it there myself... which is a relief.

I am growing to hate my car!! {cross-posted from UKP}

The damn thing refused to start again!!

I am so angry right now... I had ten minutes to get to a school, that is a twenty minute walk away... and whilst topping up my bus pass I missed two buses, and then none came along... fortunately Mum got on a bus whilst I was doing the buss pass, and she now has the boys and is waiting for the bus to come home (the only good thing about her turning 60 was the free bus pass, LOL!)

I just don't understand what my cars' problem is... it had a new starter motor about two months ago, and now it's making a nasty clicking sound, and it sounds like the battery is flat, although it started yesterday, so I just don't get it!!

The fact that we have no money for any repairs is worrying, as I really do need the car for work, not even our use, as we don't go anywhere, but for work, I really do need it... come November I have to be at two schools, a mile apart in less than 15 minutes... don't know what I'm going to do if the car is broken.

That what happens when you can't afford to turn any child away, regardless of which school they go to... we used to only go to schools within walking distance, but then I learnt to drive, and we started going further afield, and now people are here with kids in schools that sometimes I've never even heard of, let alone been to!

I know I said that I needed more exercise, but this was not the way I envisioned getting it, LOL!

I'm sure that it will be sorted out, somehow, it's just I can't think of how right now as I'm too angry.

Add to that the fact that I feel dreadful from yesterday's accidental yeast ingestion and I feel pretty shitty right about now .

Still no news on the job front...

...though gladly some benefits have come through, so things are not nearly as dire as they have been in the past.

The house is safe...Dad is recovering from his eye op's well (though still being a total fool in seeming to be unable to accept that he's no spring chicken anymore) and all is calm in general, really (which helps me to sleep at night).


There are a few small problems (aren't there always, lol)...my car makes a scary noise when I turn the steering wheel too far in either direction (may have to get it looked at soon, though not sure how I'd pay for any repairs), the little puppy that we had clashed so violently with the cats that we were forced to return him to his original owners (who gave him to a nice lady, so not feeling too guilty about that one...the cats have also settled back down, which is great) and I have bad pain in the achilles tendon area of my left ankle which can give me terrible gyp sometimes (but there's nothing that I can do about it, so I just have to get on with it as best I can).


Faith-wise I'm still living in a semi-permanent state of confusion. Sometimes I feel 100% Pagan and then in the next five minutes I don't. It's the weirdest thing...When I was a Christian I missed being Pagan and when I'm Pagan I sort of miss being Christian (although the thought of trying to combine the two leaves me cold, so that's a no-no!).

Also the whole Goth thing is making me feel weird, too. I would love to be "proper" Goth, but it's impossible. Being fat means that none of the nice clothes come anywhere near fitting me, all of the nice shoes are leather (not good for a vegetarian) and the veggie alternatives are way, way out of my price range, as are all of the accessories that I like. I get the feeling that wherever I go people take one look at me and label me as "tragic" for trying to fit into a mould that was never made for someone my size or age (I should be a teenager or in my early 20s to be starting out with the whole Goth thing, seems to be the general feeling, I finding **sigh**).
I don't know...maybe I'm trying too hard...maybe I'm not trying hard enough...I just don't know anymore!


That's about all, I think.