Sometimes thinking too hard is bad for me!

I've been reading some of the blogs I follow, and I wish that I had some of the interests that other people seem to have... and also the seeming ease they have in writing about entertaining things that they do. Their entries are full of such exciting things, about subjects that I know nothing about and I wonder just why anyone would be interested in reading the stuff I write about? Most of the time I'm moaning, and if I'm not then I'm angry about something that I really should not be angry about. Rarely do I update about the pagan things, the very things I want to write about, yet because of my lack of privacy at home now, I rarely get the chance to practice.

I do nothing of any substance, certainly nothing that would be worth writing about anyway. At the moment my life seems to be working with kids and then watching tv or reading, eating and sleeping and maybe playing some games at Facebook. Hardly exciting stuff, is it? I highly doubt that the BBC are going to be beating my door down asking me to make a documentary about that! I think that the most exciting things I did today were wash up the dishes after dinner and write a few xmas cards for neighbours... yeah, really front page news! LOL. I felt so tired that I didn't even get dressed, I stayed in my pj's.

I wonder if my not feeling too well is the reason for my present ennui? Or maybe it's the weather? We had more snow today and whilst I agree it does look beautiful, it caused chaos on the hill - eight buses were stuck and one of them scared the hell out of me as it slid into the kerb, right outside my house and then came to a stop... it was a double decker, too, so quite capable of destroying my house if it happened to slide too far and crash through the front room windows!

I seem to have a permanent headache at the moment, and my nose is also blocked (and no amount of Sinex spray seems to remedy that for long, sadly). My whole head feels like it wants to explode and I have a dreadful pain above my eyes... I wonder if it's my sinuses? They usually are the cause of most of my headaches, stupid skull cavities.

See what I mean, moaning... again! Maybe I should just accept that I am quite a misery-guts most of the time!

Hopefully when I have ten days off at xmas I may be able to get out and do some things that normally I can't do as I work five days a week. Just getting out and taking some pictures would be better than sitting on my bum doing diddley squat (which is my usual habit).

I suppose I should go to sleep, I only had five hours last night as I got to bed late (or rather, early!) and then I was woken for breakfast, which was lovely, but I wasn't expecting it or else I would have gone to bed earlier, lol.

We are getting the new car...

... I have to go and collect it next Wednesday between 10.30 and 11am!!

I should be excited, but I just can't be... it seems too good to be true, and until I actually have the keys in my hand and drive the car away it won't actually sink in. So many times in the past I've got all excited about things, only for them to never happen, so I think it's best if I let the inner pessimist loose (just this once) and not get my hopes up.

We also had the MedEquip people round this morning, delivering some of the things that the occupational health visitor suggested Dad might need... some of the things are dumb, like the seat for sitting in the bath that sits on the top of the bath meaning that nothing but your feet are in the water, or that if you're having a shower because there is no way to get the shower curtain under the thing, that the water will just pour down the shower curtain and the outside of the bath and make the floor all wet! The only good about it is that if you were having a shower it would give you a place to sit down if you needed to, but my Dad has the shortest showers, ever... he considers anything over five minutes as long, so I can't see the point of it! They are coming back tomorrow to put leg extenders on the chairs in the back room (so that it's easier for him to get up out of the chairs), but then again he rarely sits in there anymore, so again I can't really see the point... and if they are not able to take my weight that means that I can't sit in them (which is stupid as I sit in them more than he does!). They gave him a grabbing thing for picking stuff up, which is rubbish as my Nana had one, and we sent it back, but the one thing that he does need (**TMI ALERT** something to help him clean himself after he has a poo, as he cannot reach anymore and it's a real struggle for him), they know nothing about! So much for that, then **sigh**

I feel quite strange today... sort of unsettled about something, I can't really put my finger on it... there is just something not quite right. Maybe it's because I got up late and I feel all off kilter, time wise. I'm used to getting up and going for a walk in the morning, but this morning as it was so cold (and the cold air really affects my seasonal asthma and makes me cough and feel as if I have something constricting my chest) Mum let me stay in bed. I wish that I'd got up now, my back is killing me and I think I was having a weird dream, but I can't remember it. This head cold has also brought back the low pitched humming in my right ear, which is really annoying... even when there is silence I still have the humming, in fact the quieter it is, the louder the humming seems to get!

Even the grey of the sky is starting to piss me off... I can honestly say that I can't wait for spring this year. Even for just a day of sunshine or failing that just a hint of blue sky... it would make all the difference. Everything just seems so dismal and boring... there doesn't seem to be any life to see anywhere, when all is so ashen and bare. Everything seems so dark and depressing. I can see why people get depressed in winter or suffer from SAD, I'm just fed up with it now, I can't imagine what it must be like to be actually deeply affected by it for months on end. Anyone that is has by complete sympathy!

I am so tired... again!

Did the school run on the bus (way there) and on foot (way home) earlier today. Now I am the worlds' laziest person, so for me to walk a mile and a half in one go is a fairly big deal... especially with a seven and four year old as well. My feet and back hurt, but apart from that I don't feel too bad. I just wish that I could get rid of this head cold!

I have laryngitis now. I sounded like a teenaged boy with a breaking voice earlier today, but as time is going on I am getting more and more croaky and my ability to speak is decreasing. Would never be surprised if I don't lose my voice entirely in the very near future (not a good thing to happen when you look after kids and need to be able to do things like talk to them!!) Fortunately I don't have a sore throat, though, so at least I don't have that extra pain.

All I really want to do is go to bed, but if I go now I will be up at four in the morning, so I'll have to hang it out until at least 11pm (the past has shown that my going to bed any earlier than 11pm, except in the case of severe illness, just wakes me up far too early in the morning and by the afternoon school run I'm asleep on my feet... which is not good when I have to walk on them LOL!)


Mum phoned the mechanic that came round last time (Lee) and he is coming to have a look at "The-Embarrassing-Mobile" on Saturday. Fingers crossed for good news!

SHIT!!!

Think my car is going wrong... again!! There is still clouds of white smoke belching out of the back whenever I drive it! It can be so bad that I can't see the road behind me (and it must be like driving in fog for those poor unfortunates behind me, and for all of the pedestrians on the pavement!) I'm surprised that I've not been stopped by the police, and I don't think I want to carry on driving it at the moment... it's so embarrassing (not to mention dreadful for the environment **sigh**). I'm seriously thinking about getting the kids on the bus, the only problem being that the buses are not coming down my road at the moment (the bottom of the road is closed, without any warning, I might add!)

I must admit that ever since I've been driving people have taken advantage of the fact that I can! We only used to go to local schools before I drove, but as soon as I passed people started to just assume they could send their kids to any school as I could go and get them in the car (even though they didn't want to pay me for going and getting them, diesel etc)

We are going to call the mechanic that my uncle recommended to us (the guy that came round last time) and see if he can find the problem... it's been said to be everything from too much oil to the piston rings wearing out (which would be as expensive as buying a new engine, which would mean getting rid of the car!)

Add to that the fact that I have a cold that is getting worse by the day (got a sore throat now and I keep losing my voice... thank the gods for Lockets, LOL!), and the kids are playing up something chronic (if I never hear the name Ben again it will be too soon!!) Also one of the Mum's came in tonight and said that her work are messing her about with her shifts (she's a Community Support Officer with the Police), and they are giving her stupid shifts like 4pm-Midnight and 2pm-10pm... she is a single Mum of three and cannot do those kinds of hours all the time as she's expected to do! Part of me is happy at the thought of Kyah going (she winds the others up and is also a compulsive liar, though she can be funny), but another part of me would miss the money, although we would find a way to live without it.

Am now watching the news... I need to see stories about people that are far worse than I am (I need to gain some perspective right about now!!)

Poor Joshie.

To all who may be reading this blog.

Could I please ask for some healing thoughts for the 15 year old severely autistic guy I look after, please? He's just been admitted to hospital with pneumonia in both lungs and somehow the doctors are going to have to get an IV line into him in order to administer the antibiotics to fight the pneumonia, which could mean they have to sedate him for the whole time

Any thoughts/energies/prayers would be greatly appreciated... his name is Joshua.

Thank you.