A question about the term "fluffy" in Paganism

There was a question asked, about just what "fluffy" means (at a forum I used to go to all the time, but which I rarely go to anymore as I feel as if I now longer belong there as I'm not "Pagan enough!")

I was going to reply to the thread, but upon reflection I really didn't feel comfortable enough in doing so and so I'm posting it here instead (no doubt someone would have remarked about my post not actually replying to the question of the thread, and I just cannot be bothered in people arguing with me over it). My reply:

I'd be very surprised if there were any "fluffies" in the Valley, this place tends to knock that out of people very quickly! I know it did with me!

Reading the definitions of "fluffy" here made me laugh... and I fall into the "fluffy" spectrum in a good few areas (although not in my belief about angels and fairies, I don't believe in them). In regards to some of them I'm a very bad Pagan and probably should stop using the term in regards to myself as I don't appear to be Pagan enough.

Personally, I don't care how fluffy someone is, and it's taking me years to counteract the negative programming I received here towards terms like blessed be and merry meet (and subsequently my opinions of people that use them, too... when you are told enough to scorn the terms, eventually you end up scorning the people that use them as well, which is wrong!)

These days I don't care what people believe, I just care about how they treat me and others. It matters more to me. If people want to believe that all fairies are like Tinkerbell and are happy little pixies that only do good for people, who cares? Who are they hurting by believing that? No one (and if the Fae are offended by that I'm sure they are more than capable of doing something about it, not that I believe in the Fae, either).

People should have the right to believe whatever the hell they want, and none of us have any rights to tell them that they can't (or treat them as somehow lesser for holding beliefs we disagree with... that would make us elitists).

I would have posted it there, but there would be no point, I'd either be ignored or I'd be dog-piled and have people having a go at me for saying it and I truly can't be bothered with that kind of treatment! I seemed to routinely either get ignored or treated as somehow lesser for voicing my opinion over there in the past, so I no longer bother anymore (in fact I left for the longest time and returned a few weeks ago to find most of the people that seemed to take umbrage at my mere prescence had been banned, but there are still a few left). I just don't feel as if my opinions matter so why should I post anything there?!

I can honestly say that the only things I learned there were how to look down on people for believing things that I was meant to find ridiculous and how to be very cynical and condescending regarding people that dare to say things that are frowned upon (like merry meet and blessed be).

It is being back at places like that that make me not want to be pagan at all... if I'm meant to believe some of the things that they all believe I'd rather not bother with any of it!

They are fine with people believing in whatever they want, unless they don't agree with it and then you shouldn't believe it! I truly don't give a shit anymore... if people want to worship a clown riding a yellow unicycle round and round in a circle, that is up to them and as long as they don't tell me I have to believe in it too, it's all good.

I sometimes wonder if it's places like that that help make me so confused sometimes... if enough people tell you you're wrong for thinking a certain way, eventually you start to believe them so that you feel like you belong! It reminds me of the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, where anyone that couldn't see the wonderful fabric was a fool... and as no one wanted to be thought of as a fool they went along with the charade even though the King walked the streets stark naked!

I'm not prepared to spend my time defending my opinions against people that have no right to question them, so it's better for me to just stay away from those people!!!

This has been a really shitty evening

First of all my cat jumped out of the front room window when I left the room, he then ran away up the street when I went out to get him. Seriously, I just don't care anymore! He has no collar on or anything and he was out on the main road and ran to a break in the houses and sprinted down the alley into the back gardens... I just hope he stays round the back and didn't double back and cross the road. I hope he gets scared, and when he gets back in the house he can have his uncomfortable collar put back on and get over it!! I can't even worry tonight as I'm too pissed off  >:o(  <--- angry face

One thing I'm certain of, though, once these cats die I am never getting another cat, ever! I just can't be bothered in caring for creatures that give nothing back anymore. If anything I'd rather get a dog, at least they come when you call them.

Then I had this conversation on MSN... I've been talking to the guy for a week and I cannot believe the gall of the man!! (he told me he quit his job as the company were forcing those that wanted to stay to go to Aberdeen and he refused to go, so resigned).


raymond says:
 Yeah...but there is something i did like to ask you pls..

Minty says:
 sure

raymond says:
 I know it seems as if you dont know much about me or something...but i just feel you are nice person and someone i could talk with..though i am shy and have never done this before..
 but..its just the way things are for me at the moment...
 i'd like to ask of your favour to help me out with the amount to renew my badge..
 and i promise to be able to pay you back by the end of next month..cuz i will definitely get a job with it in no time..i already seen an agent whos helping out on that...

Minty says:
 how much are you asking for?

raymond says:
 its just 300quid..
 though its not..but its money..

Minty says:
 I'm afraid I don't have that kind of money to spare, that is our food budget for the entire month... I'm sorry

raymond says:
 well, perhaps you could help with something even if its 200..i will try to empty my account then..cuz i just sent some money to my dad for his health issues..
 i just feel like sht right now..
 really need a lady in my life..at least for now..and for ever..it really takes two to tango sometimes..

Minty says:
 I afraid I can't give you any money, I have to feed my family, especially my disabled father... I'm sorry

raymond says:
   *sigh*

Minty says:
 I really wish I could help

raymond says:
   thanks ...but... if you could help with some amount..then i will try ask my mate some too..
 because him too need some money to do his own too..
 its just the money i sent to dad that makes me 'skinny' for now..lol and its really affecting me..
 sometimes i feel like disowning him as a father..for joining the gay sht

Minty says:
 I can't even afford to get my sister a present for her 21st birthday in July, and what is so bad about being gay?

raymond says:
 hes got anal cancer innit

Minty says:
 so, Farrah Fawcett died of that and she wasn't gay... anal cancer isn't only for gay men

raymond says:
 huh... but at least its part of it and it contributes..its not 100% moralistic for a responsible person to do

Minty says:
 that is like saying that having sex with men gives women cervical cancer... there is no connection between the two. And I don't believe there is amything immoral about being gay... to me love is love and it doesn't matter who people love

raymond says:
 anyway..its libel and wrong to have prejudice about anyones orientation..
Minty..now my eyes feel sleepy..and i have to sleep now..i will try to wake up early to see a mate before he leaves for work tomorrow..
 i thought you did like to wish me sweetdreams...

Minty says:
 ok, you take care... and for the simple fact that you asked me for money and then had a go at gay men I'm blocking and deleting you as I can't talk to people that try and take advantage of others and that are intolerant of other peoples' sexuality. Good luck in life, and I wish your father a speedy recovery, and a more tolerant son in the future! Sweet dreams



Does he think I'm stupid?! Even if I were a millionaire I wouldn't give him money, purely for the gay-bashing bullshit!! If he thought that would convince me to give him the money he was wrong, very, very wrong... nothing could have made me more determined to not give him a penny! Even when I said that £300 was the money for the food to feed my family he still kept asking... so my family can go hungry so that he can get a badge that will let him become a security guard!! I don't think so! HAHAHAHAHA.

I've just checked the mirror and it doesn't say "slapper" on my forehead!

So if that is the case, then why do so many people think I'm going to jump into bed with them just because they send me a message titled "gorgeous babe"... I don't get it!

**Dating site number three, and this one is completely free, although I think there are probably people here that are even worse than at the paid ones!**

I must be very naive, or innocent (?) as when I say to someone "I like the tattoo on your arm" the last thing I'm expecting by way of a reply is "would you like to lick it?"... erm... no thanks! Why the hell would I want to lick a strange man's arm? I wouldn't lick the arm tat's of people I know, so I have no idea why I'd accept such a ridiculous offer from someone 74 miles away from me LOL!

Then when I decline the offers, both to do the above and have sex with this guy I get told "ur no fun"... we obviously have vastly different ideas about "fun" hahaha. When I replied that I "maybe no fun but I'm also not a slut", he replied that it was ok as he's actually married!! My parting message to him was this:

"Yet you have your relationship status set as "single" and say that you have just had a bad break up? Oh dear."


Gladly I have heard nothing since.


Seriously, are people so desperate that they have to troll for sleazy hook-ups like this? If he wanted "kinky sex" so badly (which he asked me if I was interested in!) why not go and shag his wife? He said he was married, hahaha. Either that or go and find a prostitute... or was he hoping to find someone willing to do it for free!

I think I'll give up the dating sites...

... I don't seem to be meeting anyone that I actually get on with, so why waste my money?!

I met another guy earlier, another black guy but he was 6'6" and seemed nice so I thought I'd give it a chance and see about being friends. Big mistake  **sigh**

Yet again I was more or less called a liar regarding my lack of relationships/sexual experience. Then the guy  seemed to get annoyed when I said my webcam was broken so I couldn't turn it on and let him see me (it's not but I didn't want to turn it on and couldn't think of a good excuse) and he stopped talking to me using the chat function at the dating site... I waited about half an hour and no reply so I said I was going. I then sent a message to him at the site saying I was sorry if I said anything wrong (not sure why I did that, I just hate the thought of people thinking badly of me and I was raised with manners). He sent me a reply saying that I'd said nothing to upset him... and leaving me his mobile phone number! I'm sorry but I'm not spending my money phoning someone that a) I don't know and b) that ignores me for about an hour all told rather than talk to me (he also ignored me on MSN so I said I was signing out as there was no point my staying there to talk to myself!).

Whatever happened to chatting to someone and getting to know them in private messages and at MSN before you expect them to phone you or turn on webcams? Is it too much to ask to start as friends and see if anything develops from there? I thought that was the way people got into relationships... start off slowly and see what happens. I never knew you were meant to know within hours of one half-hearted conversation that you wanted something serious!!

Seriously, why am I bothering... in the past few weeks I've been called a liar, been asked highly personal questions regarding my reproductive abilities, been told I'm a bullshitter, been called scary and been told I should have sex to "be normal"... is this the best I can do? Do I really want to settle for any of the "boils on the backside of humanity" that I have met in the past few weeks? No, I really do not!


I think this is going to be the end of my internet dating site experience... I shan't be renewing either of the subscriptions (which in total amount to £30 a month). I'd rather set fire to the money than keep talking to jerks and douchebags that are not worthy of my time!

I feel like Scar, from the Lion King... I'm surrounded by idiots! (HUGE post!)

Got chatting to guy tonight (fortunately he is in Portsmouth so his lunacy can't affect me up here in London).

I'm going to quote some of the things he said to me tonight on MSN, as once I close MSN I'll lose the comments for ever... ready?


When I said that the little moving icons he has of people having sex made me uncomfortable so I turned them off, so as not to see them (he had them tied to the letters "mm" "oo" and the word "sex") I got this:

 u re strange
 whats freaks u out there
 lo l

**Even though I said before that stuff to do with sex makes me uncomfortable, that was his reaction!**

Better yet, this is the whole conversation... it's very long and at times tedious so I understand if you don't manage to read it all (if nothing else read my lead-in/replies italic parts and then his replies/bullshit in the bolded parts, you'll laugh!):


Minty says:
 maybe... but if anythng is going to do it than little moving pictures of people having sex is one of them
 just makes me feel very uncomfortable
sam says:
 o k
 say i want that with u..what would u say to that?
Minty says:
 I have no idea... the thought freaks me out, honestly, with anyone
sam says:
 ll add to get u drunk first
Minty says:
 I see sex as something beautiful people do, not me
sam says:
 its nice and good for ya health
Minty says:
 I don't drink, I'm allergic to alcohol lol
 I'd end up in hospital if I got drunk
sam says:
 o k
 lo l
Minty says:
 good for your health?
 sex?
sam says:
 yeah ..sex s good,keep s u strong and healthy
Minty says:
 lol, never heard that one before
sam says:
 yeahhh
 everyone know s that,keeps u feeling younger too
 makes ya heart beat properly
 its nature ,how u wont like nature,i dont understand
 rememeb
Minty says:
 so does exercise and you can do that with your clothes on lol
sam says:
 remember someone had sex tp have u? x
 lo l
Minty says:
 don't remind me!!
sam says:
 exercise s not internal...
Minty says:
 I meant about getting the heart beating properly
sam says:
 yeah does better internally..as u pump impulse while having sex...compared to exercise,which in turns makes u feel healthy n happy
 why do people say she has nt had sex for while thats why she grumpy
 lo l
Minty says:
 I guess a lot of people say that because that is how they themselves feel when they don't have it so they assume others are the same... I'm not grumpy and I've never had it lol
sam says:
 o k
 u look after kids,how lovely re they...thats a result of havung sex..its life,u re abnormal if u dont perform this functions in the end onec das
 one day
 lol
Minty says:
 but I don't want kids either... and I don't think it's abnormal to not be interested in sex... there are plenty of people that go their whole lives without ever having sex
sam says:
 how do u know
 where do u get that statistics
 not a lot babes x
Minty says:
 well, the whole of the Roman Catholic Church for one lol
 all of their clergy are celibate
sam says:
 really
Minty says:
 yes
 a lot of the nuns never have sex
sam says:
 u have nt read the article about them having sex..just not having a kid ,dont mean they dont 
 and by the way ...that was yrs ago,u live in england ...
Minty says:
 they take vows of chastity when they take their holy orders
 living in England means nothing the vows are the same the world over for people in religious orders
sam says:
 in this centuary...how do u understand how a mother feels when u look after kids....thats come s from been a mother one day
Minty says:
 I know this for a fact
sam says:
 did u take one then?
Minty says:
 no, but I seriously considered it a few years ago
 taking care of kids has nothing to do with one day being a mother lol
sam says:
 i will one day...
Minty says:
 will what?
sam says:
 u have to have a parent instinct..i know what am talikng about
Minty says:
 you can learn the parenting instinct
sam says:
 and even them ,parent ll never trust u as u re not a parent myself,though they dont show it...am a dad so i know
Minty says:
 some of the parents I know are useless
sam says:
 i know...dont matter
Minty says:
 people trust me with their kids even though I'm not a parent... I should know, I've been doing this job for 17 years!
 I've never been out of work
sam says:
 o k
 not saying u...
 but at some point,ll come down to this points
Minty says:
 I turn people away because I don't want to care for their babies anymore
sam says:
 nice debate tonight x
 lo l
Minty says:
 what points?
 I'm confused
sam says:
 extreme cases i meant
Minty says:
 nope, still confused
sam says:
 dont worry
 lo l
Minty says:
 fine
 do you want more kids?
sam says:
 dont know
 depends
Minty says:
 on what?
sam says:
 who i meet
Minty says:
 ah, I see
sam says:
 av one already so no need for more..depends on who i meet or in a relationship with?
Minty says:
 fair enough
 her decision? or joint decision?
sam says:
 yeah
 saying am not keen now
 else she wants it
Minty says:
 oh
 there must be something missing in my genetic makeup because I have never once ever felt broody lol
 even when I'm holding a baby
sam says:
 o k
 its cos u ve never had sex
 make it will chANGE WHEN U DO 
 one d ay
Minty says:
 having sex has nothing to do with wanting to be a mother lol
 my sister felt broody when she was 12
sam says:
 it does
 u see now u dont know
 its the first stage
Minty says:
 nor do you as you are not a woman lol
sam says:
 people have sex cos they want a baby not cos they want to make love to their partner
 sometimes
Minty says:
 then why do people that don't want kids have sex... I know two couples that never want kids that have sex
 sex is not always about kids
sam says:
 its cos sex have different function...could bind people as they see it as making love..keeps them together,some women see it as only way to make a baby..even lesbian sometimes have sex..cos its a natural way to have kids
 i know
 did nt say it was
 but it s the start of everything
 life its self
Minty says:
 but that is not all it is, or else all these people not going to have kids shouldn't do it lol... sex is also not the only way to make a baby these days
sam says:
 well its the natural way and cheapest and less complicated...
 life started with sex...thats all u need to think
 when a baby s conceived
Minty says:
 all I need to think?
sam says:
 and know
 expect the lord jesus ,every other fucker was conceived through sex...including u
 so why r u breaking the natural laws of nature
Minty says:
 what about Adam and Eve then?
sam says:
 and them
Minty says:

sam says:
 no...
Minty says:
 Adam and Eve were not conceived like humans
sam says:
 means ..u procate no more generation
Minty says:
 they were created by God, it says so in Genesis
 even I know that
sam says:
 the world s built on procation..else there wont be an existence...
 yeah
Minty says:
 from the dust and then from a rib
 no sex made them
sam says:
 through was plastic?
 so the kids u look after where created?
Minty says:
 of course they were, I'm not saying they weren't
sam says:
 thats the initial proclaiment from GOD..he ordered the world to reproduce...but u re disobeying him not to
Minty says:
 but just because they were doesn't mean I have to naturally want to do the same thing
 sorry but I don't believe in that God
sam says:
 great britain wont be great if they have ten thousand peole in it
 would it?
Minty says:
 he has no power over me
sam says:
 who has nt?
 he has..over all thing s on earth
 believe it or not
Minty says:
 you can believe that if you like
 I don't believe something just because I'm told I should
 I'm not a christian
sam says:
 yeah..i have seen prove as well,ll be non challant to ignore the fact theres a GOD or a supreme been,even kids know that
 u dont have to be to acknowlegde facts 
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 o k?
Minty says:
 you can believe whatever you want, I don't have to lol
 I'm a PAGAN
sam says:
 scientist re not christian s are they
Minty says:
 some are yes
sam says:
 but they do know there s a god
Minty says:
 so?
 religiona and science are two different things
sam says:
 u re complicated lo l
 they re inter woven
Minty says:
 you have no idea just how complicated I am, believe me
sam says:
 or related
Minty says:
 if you say so
sam says:
 i begining to find out
 lo l
Minty says:
 if you push the wrong buttons with me, I warn you I will not be polite
sam says:
 ya heart beating tells u there s god..even the queen acknowleges that
 ahhh
 lo l
Minty says:
 the Queen! lol
sam says:
 just been honset
 can coo l it
Minty says:
 as the head of the church of England of course she believes that
sam says:
 am been honest with u...stop saying u hold control of ya life cos no one does
Minty says:
 be honest about what?
sam says:
 life
 not u...
Minty says:
 I disagree
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 so who does then, let me guess, your god
sam says:
 what planet do u grow up then,this re obvious facts 
Minty says:
 what are you talking about!
sam says:
 about existence and life...
Minty says:
 I don't believe that this planet and everything on it was created by a god
sam says:
 am not religoius but its true
Minty says:
 it's true for you
 not for me
sam says:
 so how did it come to existence?
Minty says:
 I believe in evolution and there is much evidence for my belief as there is for yours lol
sam says:
 ignorance can be an isolation 
Minty says:
 so can blindly following teachings that are outdated
sam says:
 what teaching re out dated
Minty says:
 and I'm not ignorant
 just because I don't believe in your god
sam says:
 wont do my kids at yours if u dont believe in GOD or life or existence...what do u believe in then...do u think things just happen?..there a reason to most things that happpen,aint u ever curious about life...or u just ignorant!
Minty says:
 how dare you speak to me like that! Just who the hell do you think you are!
 I don't believe in your god, get over it
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 things happen because they happen, why does there have to be a reason
sam says:
 lo l
 there s a reason...
Minty says:
 whatever, to your reason
sam says:
 wisdom...for some shall find wisdom
Minty says:
 I don't care what the reason is
 not all who seek find wisdom
sam says:
 life would be boring and lifeless if u were in power...
Minty says:
 and it would be boring if you were as we would all have to have to kids and believe the things you believe in
 there would be no difference in your world
 everyone would be the same as you
sam says:
 nooo
 i wont but existing knowledges prove s it
 not me 
Minty says:
 in my world people can be whoever they want as I don't care
 you really don't have a clue do you lol
sam says:
 o k
 lawless and careless world then
Minty says:
 not so... just because there is no god doesn't mean chaos
 atheists have morals to you know
sam says:
 what about global warming...evolution,earth quakes,some people had to do things about it so we live peacefulling...green world?
Minty says:
 not only christians can be good
sam says:
 never said that
Minty says:
 and it was the arrogance of human beings taking from this planet without thinking about the consequences that gave us the whole problem with our world
 man thinking the world owed him a living
sam says:
 but every beleive believes in a higher supreme been which u dont...thats very strange as even kids ask the questions
Minty says:
 no, they don't, which shows how much you have studied this topic
sam says:
 re u a teacher?7
Minty says:
 and I never said I didn't believe in dieties... I just don't belive in yours
sam says:
 no dont think so ask every kid ask the question at some point
Minty says:
 I have studied world religion for over a decade
sam says:
 whats mine
 never said i am this or that
 i just knowlegeble to know theres GOD somewhere
Minty says:
 yours is the christian god, Jesus and the bible I would gather from the things you've said to me tonight
sam says:
 lol
Minty says:
 or else why mention Jesus earlier... only a christian would believe hhim to have been born outside of the normal human way lol
sam says:
 going to bed babes..good aRGUEMENT THOUGH
 u should nt be saying that ,as u re an adult
Minty says:
 and now you are leaving as I'm talking to you... lol whatever
sam says:
 theres a reason for everything
 things just dont happen
Minty says:
 what does me being an adult have to do with it
sam says:
 believe it or not
Minty says:
 I don't believe in hell either
 or the devil
sam says:
 cos u been round few years..u shd know unless u re ignoring facts
 o k
Minty says:
 what are you talking about?
sam says:
 ya believes
Minty says:
 ignoring what facts?
sam says:
 thats there s GOD..and life 
Minty says:
 I don't believe in GOD, as you write it
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 believe me or not, lol
sam says:
 u must be wiser than the 6billion human s that believe then
Minty says:
 pardon, not all the humans on this planet do believe
 only 2 billion are christian
sam says:
 more than 90 percent believe in a higher been..not neccessary christians
Minty says:
 where are your facts to support that?!
sam says:
 online..search and u ll find it
Minty says:
 I have never seen a study that has figures as high as yours
 those figures are crap
sam says:
 any belief or region s based on the respect of the laws of the supreme beeing..which is GOD or allah or whatever the region calls it
Minty says:
 there are over a billion people in China and only a tiny fraction of them are christian, so there goes your figure of 6 billion lol
sam says:
 lo l
Minty says:
 so what about Buddhists, Hindus and people like me then?
sam says:
 they still believe in a sort of GOD
Minty says:
 no, Buddhists don't
sam says:
 anything spirit
Minty says:
 they don't have a god of any kind
sam says:
 am off to bed
 are u one
 how do u know
Minty says:
 because you're losing this argument?
sam says:
 am not..got to be up early like 7
Minty says:
 because I've read all about Buddhism and I have Buddhist friends lol
sam says:
 we both know the truth
Minty says:
 no, you think you do
 and you are arrogant enough to presume you know it for everyone else
sam says:
 enjoy ya sleep x
 i dont..
Minty says:
 I shall... I don't have to think like you do lol
sam says:
 just told u the basic facts everyone knows
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 there s a GOD and life...
Minty says:
 bullshit
sam says:
 u think other wise
Minty says:
 I know otherwise
sam says:
 good for u..living life that way
Minty says:
 better then being a mindless drone doing as I'm told like you do lol
sam says:
 o k
Minty says:
 I feel sorry for you
sam says:
 lo l
 how?
 u shouldnt...
Minty says:
 well I do
sam says:
 u should find light...
Minty says:
 hahaha
sam says:
 knowlegde
 wisdom
Minty says:
 nothing to do with god
sam says:
 lo l
Minty says:
 atheists have knowledge too you know
sam says:
 the truth sets u free..heard that before?
Minty says:
 free from what?
sam says:
 knowledge has in wisdom.
 ignorance
Minty says:
 I'm not bound by anything so have nothing to be freed from lol
sam says:
 o k
 ya mind need freedom
Minty says:
 your mind needs less bullshit lol
sam says:
 convinction
 o k
Minty says:
 conviction about what?
sam says:
 the truth about life
Minty says:
 you mean the truth about  life as you think it
sam says:
 not exactly
Minty says:
 not everyone feels the same as you do
 get over it
sam says:
 standard truth
Minty says:
 lol
 no such thing
sam says:
 lol 
 alright
 am off to bed
 need the few hrs slee p x
Minty says:
 wish I could say I've enjoyed this chat, but I haven't
sam says:
 u dont have to...but gave u honest truth,can t be enjoyable as u re stubborn
 lo l
Minty says:
 I am stubborn and I don't tolerate being told what I should believe
sam says:
 yeah 
Minty says:
 especially by people that can't see another side to the argument like you
sam says:
 night x
Minty says:
 blinkered by religion and I feel sorry for you 
 goodbye, and good luck in life, you're going to need it lol

End of conversation!

Honestly! What a dumbass... according to him all nuns are raging nymphomaniacs, they just don't have kids... all 6 billion people in the world believe in GOD... in order to feel broody you need to have had sex... Buddhists believe in a god... women who are grumpy just need a good seeing to... he speaks the "truth" but no one else does... he wouldn't leave his kid in the care of someone that hasn't had kids because only parents know how to care for other peoples' kids... if he wanted sex with me he'd get me drunk first so I'd enjoy it (is that not a little crime called RAPE?!). He talks about his own religion and doesn't even know about it, he says that Adam and Eve were born like regular people, erm, Adam was made from dust/clay by God and Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs, it was Cain and Abel that were born like regular humans! It goes on and on!

This is a man that has actually made a child... so he is "normal" and is "doing the natural thing by procreating". I feel so sorry for his daughter (she is 7, he told me about her yesterday)... imagine having this ignorant, arsehole as a father!! He was 21 when he "obeyed GOD and made her" (outside of marriage, though... amazing just how elastic the morals of some people are, isn't it?!) and he is in Portsmouth and I think his kid is still where he used to live in Woolwich (which is four miles from me... Portsmouth is about 200 miles away).

Why do I always seem to meet such oxygen thieves?! Where are the nice guys that have opinions but are willing to understand that theirs are not the only opinions in the world?! Why am I such a pratt magnet?! This is the second male to tell me that I'm abnormal for not wanting kids... and surprise, surprise, that prick was a Xtian, too.

Talking to him tonight, I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, I got so angry... only a few topics make me angry like that, religion, animal rights, feminism and gay rights. I have strong opinions on them all and I will not back down and shut up!! Fuck that!

If it was a choice of have sex with a shithead like him and feel "normal" or never have sex, ever... I know which one I'd pick! Let's just say I'd seriously consider taking the 25 years vow of chastity demanded by the goddess Vesta, before I'd even let the thought of shagging a cretin like that skitter across my mind! LOL. Compared to being with a total douchebag like him, being the "scary mad cat lady" just became so very, very appealing!!

The words that describe my feelings about YOU!

Never in my life have I met someone that lives by such double standards... HYPOCRITE!!

So you can talk to people, yet others can't... you can rant away in your blog, but others can't (even though in your blog you spread lies and misinformation and package it as the truth!)

You cause drama and friction wherever you go and then try to divert the blame when your actions lead to inevitable outcomes... what is wrong with you?! Do you even understand the effect you have on those around you? Are you capable of taking responsibility for the mess you make and the pain you cause? Do you even care? Obviously not... for someone that is meant to be "nice" you act like you have no soul.

If the saying is true "as ye sow, so shall ye reap" than you are going to have one bitter harvest heading your way!

Let me just tell you now... if you think that by your malicious lies that you are going to break up the friendships that we have forged then you are wrong. No one believes anything you say as you have done your "little boy who cried wolf" act one too many times and we are on to you. We no longer believe anything you say. You are a liar, a fake, a charlatan, a snake-oil salesman, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Your plan to plant seeds of doubt and sit back and watch them grow into a forest has backfired... the only one we doubt is you, and it has been caused by your own hand! We are on to you, you pathetic, two-faced, deluded backstabber.

You have finally burnt the bridges that it took you months to repair and rebuild... they will not be built again. You will be forever standing on the opposite riverbank, watching us with no way to reach us.

I hope you like being alone.

I hope you like dealing with the repercussions of your actions.

I hope you like standing outside the shop, looking in through the window at the people having fun on the other side of the glass. As far as you are concerned the door is closed, and now all you can do is look in and wonder at what might have been, had you not done the stupid things that you have!

You will always have this happen to you as you seem to be unable to control yourself. Your rampant jealousy, self-doubt and paranoia will forever cause you to do stuff like this... to the very people that you say you will never hurt! Everyday you prove you cannot be trusted... you manage to lie to get the power you crave and then you complain when you are found out and your power is removed. In order to be a successful liar you need to have a good memory... sadly you have an incredibly short memory, but only where is concerns your own actions... when it comes to the actions of others you seem to have a memory that is amazing, as it recalls things that never happened!

I suppose I should stop writing about you... as it only seems to feed the monster that you have created... the beast that is YOU! To keep writing about you just lets you know that you are still around in my mind, and I would guess that you take some kind of perverse pleasure in knowing that you are still talked about and not forgotten as you should be! Rest assured this is something that will be rectified for the future. Everything I hear about you now, only further proves my point that you are not worth any more of my time! Why should I bother to waste my time on someone that is as unworthy as you?! When you constantly bite the hand that feeds you, don't be surprised when the feeding stops!

Good luck being you... I'm just so glad that I don't have to be. I would rather kill myself than have to look in the mirror and see something so internally grotesque staring back at me!

I am so very fucked off right about now!!

How dare people go out of their way to make another person feel like shit... just how fucking DARE THEY!!! Who the fuck do they think they are?!?! To keep stringing people along, making them wait, keeping them dangling like a long forgotten puppet. People make mistakes, people fuck up, show me someone that has never fucked up something and I'll show you a damned LIAR!!

Trust gets broken, fair enough, keep your distance... but do NOT keep people waiting and waiting for the day you say will eventually come when you feel about them in the same way as before your trust was broken. IT.WILL.NEVER.HAPPEN!!

What makes it all the sadder is that this isn't real life, where trust and hearts have been broken face-to-face, this is online... on the internet... one step removed from reality. How this can be as bad as real life trust breaking, well, that one is beyond my comprehension. People can be whoever the hell they want to be online... in my time I've pretended up a storm, and sometimes I still do, to have the life that I dream of, I can only do that online.

Do I give a shit what other people think about my doing that? Fuck no! It's no-one else's damn business.

But when someone is genuinely asking for your forgiveness, for something they did months ago (and which seems trivial to most other people outside of your little protective clique) who is at fault there? The person trying to make amends or the person not allowing them to do so? So someone may call you names and sound a bit jealous/threatening... get the fuck over it already! If they lived just down the street to you then I say be a little wary, but when they live on a different CONTINENT to you, then what the hell is wrong with YOU for being such a moron and cowering like some beaten dog?! WTF is wrong there?


Shall I carry on and piss off some Xtians? Why the fuck not, this is my tiny corner of the web and I can say what the fuck I like here... hold tight, here we go.


Do what the red words say or don't call yourself a CHRISTian!! His words and deeds should be the blueprint for your life or you're doing it wrong! It's not about the rules and regulations in the Old Testament... they were written for the Jews... the only words you need to be concerned with are the ones uttered by the Son of God... no one else's words mean a thing... Jesus is it... do as He says or fuck off!

If you are treating others as you would like to be treated yourself then you will not be breaking any commandments... it's really simple... Love God, and everyone else, too. Six words... and they are the hardest words to live by... but if you use the name CHRISTian, then follow His example and do as He says. If you don't then you are a liar and you are not a real CHRISTian... simple really!

I don't care what a book says about "end times" and "heaven and hell" if you are treating people as Christ commanded then it will not matter... the "end times" is the future and we don't live in the future, we live in the present... and "heaven and hell" are also not to be worried about... why worry? If you are "following the red words" then it's covered!

Would you like to be treated like shit, be talked down to, be made to feel less then something on the bottom of someone's shoe? Then don't make others feel like it!! If in doubt just remember What Would Jesus Do? If He wouldn't treat people they way you are treating them now, then you have a problem!!

If you expect people to forgive your sins, then you also have to forgive other people theirs! Hypocrisy is a dirty word... ask yourself, honestly, "am I a hypocrite?" "do I say one thing, yet do something completely different?"


And on that note I think I'll stop.

Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life?!

A guy online today has tried to excuse men (not all men, just those that do it, of course) that are selfish and put their wants over the needs of their family (wife, kids, etc) by saying "God made us this way"... what a pile of steaming horseshit!! How dare someone try and say that just because the man works hard he should get to do whatever he wants with his money, whether it's buying stuff like computer games, tv's, cars, etc... and that rubbish is more important than getting food, paying bills and making sure that all of your family has something nice.

That is just wrong on so many levels, to me... selfish doesn't even cover it! To put WANTS over NEEDS makes me so angry! WANTS are what you get when NEEDS are met... not instead of with the kind of "fuck you, Jack, I'm alright" attitude. People that do that don't deserve to get ANYTHING... they NEED to wake the fuck up and realise that "IT AIN'T ALL ABOUT YOU!!!"

I work hard for my money, so by using the same twisted logic I should be able to say "Don't bother paying the mortgage this month, Mum... I want to buy a flat screen tv and a blu-ray player!" I don't think so... but then I live in the real world and not some juvenile fantasy land where it's all about me. me, me!

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! What is wrong with people... and why do they constantly bring God into their fucked up decision making? I'm sure if the Xtian God is real that He is getting pretty pissed off at all the crazy arseholes that keep spewing that tired old shit! I know I'm tired of it and I've only been hearing it for about five years... I cannot imagine how bad it would be after a few millenia... I'd definitely feel some smiting coming on and be about to open some big cans of "whoop ass"... not to mention booming down to earth "Stop keep saying I'm telling you do this shit... don't blame me for the fact that you are a complete and utter FUCKING MORON!!"

Maybe that is why "God" gave men external genitalia, so that the unrepentant cavemen always have something to use when "dick-swinging" ?

We are getting the new car...

... I have to go and collect it next Wednesday between 10.30 and 11am!!

I should be excited, but I just can't be... it seems too good to be true, and until I actually have the keys in my hand and drive the car away it won't actually sink in. So many times in the past I've got all excited about things, only for them to never happen, so I think it's best if I let the inner pessimist loose (just this once) and not get my hopes up.

We also had the MedEquip people round this morning, delivering some of the things that the occupational health visitor suggested Dad might need... some of the things are dumb, like the seat for sitting in the bath that sits on the top of the bath meaning that nothing but your feet are in the water, or that if you're having a shower because there is no way to get the shower curtain under the thing, that the water will just pour down the shower curtain and the outside of the bath and make the floor all wet! The only good about it is that if you were having a shower it would give you a place to sit down if you needed to, but my Dad has the shortest showers, ever... he considers anything over five minutes as long, so I can't see the point of it! They are coming back tomorrow to put leg extenders on the chairs in the back room (so that it's easier for him to get up out of the chairs), but then again he rarely sits in there anymore, so again I can't really see the point... and if they are not able to take my weight that means that I can't sit in them (which is stupid as I sit in them more than he does!). They gave him a grabbing thing for picking stuff up, which is rubbish as my Nana had one, and we sent it back, but the one thing that he does need (**TMI ALERT** something to help him clean himself after he has a poo, as he cannot reach anymore and it's a real struggle for him), they know nothing about! So much for that, then **sigh**

I feel quite strange today... sort of unsettled about something, I can't really put my finger on it... there is just something not quite right. Maybe it's because I got up late and I feel all off kilter, time wise. I'm used to getting up and going for a walk in the morning, but this morning as it was so cold (and the cold air really affects my seasonal asthma and makes me cough and feel as if I have something constricting my chest) Mum let me stay in bed. I wish that I'd got up now, my back is killing me and I think I was having a weird dream, but I can't remember it. This head cold has also brought back the low pitched humming in my right ear, which is really annoying... even when there is silence I still have the humming, in fact the quieter it is, the louder the humming seems to get!

Even the grey of the sky is starting to piss me off... I can honestly say that I can't wait for spring this year. Even for just a day of sunshine or failing that just a hint of blue sky... it would make all the difference. Everything just seems so dismal and boring... there doesn't seem to be any life to see anywhere, when all is so ashen and bare. Everything seems so dark and depressing. I can see why people get depressed in winter or suffer from SAD, I'm just fed up with it now, I can't imagine what it must be like to be actually deeply affected by it for months on end. Anyone that is has by complete sympathy!

That was a mistake!

Going to UKP and reading some of the posts... one was about obesity and I have just been enraged and disappointed by some of the things that I've read there. As a fat person I have faced a lot of verbal abuse over the years about my size... but apparently it is more or less my own fault for eating too much and exercising too little... it is that cut and dried!

[sarcasm] Why didn't I ever think of that? And there was me thinking that just because I happen to be fat that I deserved the right to go about my daily life without total strangers shouting disgusting things at me... silly me... maybe I should just kill myself so as not to offend people that don't give a shit if they offend, belittle and mock me!! [/sarcasm]

I have to say that I pity people that feel they have to be mean to others, just to make their friends laugh or make themselves feel better about their life. Just as well I don't feel the need to do the same really, isn't it?! Stupid, intolerant fuckwits would be top of my hit list, LOL!

Some people have such a damn nerve!!!

I was at Facebook yesterday, and they have something there called Live Feed, where as soon as someone you know does something, it lets you know in real time... now I always have that one turned on as opposed to the News Feed, which is rubbish. Now for the past couple of days everytime I go to Facebook it turns me from Live to News Feed and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening, and it made me so angry that yesterday I wrote this:

LEAVE MY LIVE FEED ALONE YOU COMPLETE FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, that is the first time I'd sworn on Facebook since I joined it... and this morning I opened up my FB and in my PM Inbox was this message:

I'm gonna need to bail if you must use the FWord on facebook. Your call, I just find it offensive and am not up for it.

Well, I was really angry, and it's not as if this person was young... he's 54 years old, although he is a Calvanist Pastor, but even so, it was on my own profile, and the message just made me livid! So I wrote this back:

I suggest you bail, then, my friend... I'm not going to censor myself when I don't have to! I have to do that enough on the net, so I'm not going to do it where I don't have to... sorry about that, and I hope to see you around!!

I find a lot of things offensive, but I am mature enough to allow people to say whatever they wish, regardless of my feelings!

Bye.

Then I received this message back:

I will bail. You can say whatever you wish and I will choose to avoid reading it.

So my final reply to him was:

Good for you... see you later.

Normally it wouldn't make me that angry, after all, people are free to use whatever language they like, and as long as they follow the specific rules for wherever they are posting, I'm really not all that fussed, to be honest... but Facebook allows people to say what they feel, as long as it's not attacking other people (which I wasn't doing). I have to censor like crazy at some of the forums that I'm at, especially the christian ones, gods forbid that adults should talk like adults sometimes (and yes, I fully understand that not all adults swear, and it's not a nice thing to say, but sometimes I feel I just have to, especially in anger!) as most of them (especially in some parts of America) seem to think that everyone should behave as if they are perpetually in an episode of The Waltons! Real life isn't like that, and sometimes things conspire to make me so angry that I just have to let off steam, and sadly that usually takes the form of swearing.

Is is so much to ask that I be able to write what I choose and not have to censor myself on my own profile at Facebook, just in case I might one day offend someone that I don't speak to anyway, and am only a friend of because we were once staff at the same place (in different sections, too)? Should I have to always be on my guard to avoid offending people that don't give a damn if they offend me? I really do not think so!! If people don't like it, then just don't read it, I never asked you to in the first place!!

Communication, communication, communication...

... or rather the lack it!!

Just went to collect Joe from football practice, only to find out that rather than having to be collected at 4pm he actually has to be collected at 6.30pm! The coach told his Dad yesterday, and of course he neglected to tell anyone else... the stupid fool!! I need not have gone out at all   **sigh**

I despair with some people, I really do... what a waste of time and diesel....................AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

How rude!!

Hmm... well that was an "interesting" trip to my corner shop.

Went to buy some rice (can't have sweet and sour chicken and rice without the rice, lol) and I was minding my own business talking to my Mum (who came too) when three boys were rude to me! Nothing new there, really, well not for me... but I did wonder just what it was about my appearance that garnered the response that I got ("oh... my... GOD!" and then lots of sniggering and laughter).

I was very tempted to go up to them and ask why they laughed, but our dinner was ready and just awaiting the rice, so I ignored them and walked back home.

I don't think that I looked bad... I'm wearing a long black skirt, black long-sleeved t-shirt, black boots and leg-warmers, and I also had on a long black trench coat and some arm warmers that really couldn't be seen. I was also carrying a black basket (for carrying the rice and other sundries home from the shop). No make up barring nail polish.

I can only assume that it was my size... people seem to think that just because I'm fat that they have the right to say whatever they like to me, regardless of how rude or nasty it may seem.

I was kind of hurt when I heard them, but after a minute or two my piqued interest overrode my hurt feelings and I'm really regretting not going and asking just what they found so funny **sigh**

Oh well, maybe it's for the best... still mightily intrigued, though!

I dislike some people!!

Why do some people always seem to make you feel guilty?! I just don't get it, I really don't.

I was hoping that by ignoring something that it would just go away, but to leave me a message and then cut me off so that I can't reply, is silly. Quite pathetic for a grown man to do, actually! So there are a few things that I'm very wary, even sceptical about (and I've no idea how to say it in a gentle way, so I've kind of just let them go, for fear of hurting his feelings). But now I feel guilty, and I've no idea why.


Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!