More Pagan musings.

I cannot put my finger on just what makes me think that I'm "The Moon's Girl" but I am. I guess it's one of those things that you only understand if it happens to you.

I wasn't even able to do anything much for Samhain as I was kind of waylaid into watching films with "The Pair"... fortunately they were films I wanted to see, so it was all good. I did mark it in a small, internal way, though... and for some reason I cannot bear the thought of either of the two of them watching me perform rituals of any kind, even simple stuff like leaving offerings... it feels like they are witnessing a part of me that is far too private for their eyes to see.

Earlier in the day, though, I'd gone to see my Nan (who had fallen down the stairs) and she asked if my Dad had a wedding ring... (the answer is no) and she wondered if he'd wear his late fathers' one (which she wore on her middle finger, but which had become too large and kept falling off). I said that if Dad didn't wear it, that I would and she did no more and took it off and asked which finger I'd like it on. For some reason I chose my ring finger, left hand and it has been on ever since. Normally I would never wear gold jewellery... I have it and it feels wrong, as I'm a "silver" person... but this is different and it's come to symbolise much more than being just a wedding ring... it is something tangible of the past, a link to those that have passed over - when I see the ring it reminds me of my Grandfather, and in turn that sets me off thinking about all of the people and pets I have lost in the past, and I even recall some of the stories of my other Grandfather that died before I was born. Being gold it also is a symbol of the God (and even though I have not been "claimed" it feels right to have silver on my right hand, for My Lady, and gold on the left for The Lord that is yet to emerge... if He ever does).

All of this on Samhain, too... after thinking about it for a couple of days it seems like that was my ritual after all.

So... I'm thinking

... which is always a baaaaad thing for me to be doing (I confuse myself on a good day... so thinking too deeply on a day that is not so good is - well, bad!)

The thing I'm thinking about is my faith - big surprise there! And I'm thinking that trying to have a path that is complex, demanding and "heavy" is not very "me" at all! So I'm thinking and randomly surfing the net yesterday (as I do) and I come across this blog: BroomCloset Witch... now, this blog is for those people that live with intolerant people or for reasons that are their own have to practice their faith in secret (hence... being in the "broom" closet). And it set me thinking (uh-oh!)

Now... practising your faith in secret appeals to me... I don't have to do this... but it's something I try to do anyway (purely because I live with people that aren't pagan and have no interest in celebrating things as I do, and I am a fairly secretive person by nature)... I see faith as something that should have its private side (yes, I'm a proud pagan, by the way!), the bit that is just between you and any deities that you choose to honour.

And I was wondering just how to go about practising my faith in private... so private that not even the people I live with would now about it (if you knew just how scornful Sissy can be of all things "religious" and with the prospect of her being back here for nearly three... long... months, plus her boyfriend come the end of June, you'd be thinking what I'm thinking, too... I assure you... you would!)

Now, I recall reading in a Kate West book, many moons ago, about substitutions that you can make for most things that would/could be used "in circle"... problem being? I don't cast circles, never have done... it's a part of the whole "you must do this to be a proper pagan" schtick that I seem to rebel against with every fibre of my being! But then I don't "do" magic/k either, so there ya go! The deepest my working goes is to send good thought/vibes to people and maybe light a candle or two... simple, not complex... yet it works for me (always has done... not changing it now, hehe).

I do honour my gods and I do little things for people, but I have never cast a circle in order to do it... neither do I ritually bathe, change clothes or do any of the things that people are "supposed" to do. I remember reading somewhere that our ancestors wouldn't have been able to do any of the above (as sometimes people only had the one set of clothes anyway), they were clean and didn't have the time to do things with "bells and whistles" (plus, is some cases, they never knew who might have been watching... being a nosey parker is not a new thing, haha!) That is the way I go about things... if I get the urge to do something then I do it - if I didn't, by the time I'd showered, found something new to wear, cast the circle and done all the rest I'd have forgotten what I wanted to do in the first place as I have the kind of mind that does that! Sometimes the extent of my Sabbat celebration is to stay awake to watch the sunrise whilst reading about my gods (which is what I did for Beltane this year).

Anyway... it's going to be one of those topics that occupies my mind for a few days, at least... and when I come up with a way I'll post it here (for those that give a toss... for those that don't, well... just skip this post ;) )