I had sad news over the weekend...

... I found out one of my online friends, Koko, had died. I'd known her for years, but had lost contact with her a couple of years ago. I was searching for her for a friend and I found a newspaper article from her local paper saying that she had died (she tried to stop two horses from fighting, was  kicked and died instantly).

I told all of the people that I knew (that also knew her) and one of them confirmed it was indeed my friend. She was only 46 years old and left behind a husband and daughter (that I think is now in her early twenties). So sad.

I did manage to light a candle, and later, when I caught sight of the moon, I asked Selene to take care of Koko and let her have a peaceful rest in the Summerlands before she returns to us. For some reason it just seemed like the right thing to do.


In other news...

I have more or less given up on the dating sites, all I end up doing is chatting to people I don't really want to talk to (but I'm too polite to ignore messages lol). Only one guy is still sending me messages and I really wish he'd stop, but I don't have the heart to tell him so.

I've not been well recently, and I have no idea just what is wrong. I feel dizzy, light-headed and when I took my blood pressure the other day it was 115/61 (the average reading should be 120/80) so it's quite low. I just wish I could stop my stomach from hurting, it's really beginning to annoy me  *sigh* I just feel constantly as if someone has punched/kicked me in the stomach and it's getting really old now!

The rioting seems to have ended as abruptly as it began, and hopefully all those arrested for looting and criminal damage will be harshly dealt with by the justice system. I have no time for people that go out of their way to cause misery to others because of their own selfishness!

So I've dug out an old laptop

... and I do mean OLD! It's running Windows XP, that is how old it is! (of the three laptops I've ever owned, this one is number two).

It is so slow that it's not even funny. It also seems to dislike DragCave, which is very bad news... it does stuff there, but soooo ssslllooowwwlllyyy. Even writing this here it keeps freezing and saying that it's not responding, then all of the words I've typed all appear at once... most weird (but typical).

The shop have been on to Mum about her laptop, and as they don't actually deal with the brand of machine she has and they are going to have to send it back to the makers (after they get the parts sent to them and then send it all on to them...don't ask!) they have told her that it could take 6-8 WEEKS!!!

That makes it sometime in late October/early November before she'll get it back... she's not a happy bunny, but there is nothing that she can do about it.

The amount of time it's taken to write this I think I could have written a note, attached it to the leg of a carrier pigeon and sent it off flying to Blogger HQ and let someone there type it out for me! Just when I think things are going well it suddenly freezes and I'm sat there staring at the bloody annoying little hourglass, spinning end over end telling me that the computer is not doing what I want it to! ARGH!

Anyway... at least I have some means of getting online that doesn't involve disturbing Mum when she's doing her stuff... it may be slow and frustrating, but at least I can still talk to my friends and (incredibly slowly) deal with my dragons.

I do wish that the spacebar was more friendly, though... it takes a lot of pressure to get it to actually do its job, lol!

Anyway...

My cat has a massive lump on his face!!

Well,  maybe massive is a strong word, large swelling would be more accurate, lol.

Sissy noticed it at about 10pm last night. After talking to some people about it it seems to be an abscess of some kind, so I have to take him to the vets. Never had a cat have something like this before... I just hope I can find the right letter so that we can take him to the PDSA... I hate to think how much a private vet would cost *eek*

He doesn't seem too bothered... he's fast asleep on my bed... typical Angel-boy!

***edited to add at 15.10: I have an appointment at our local private vets at 4.30pm today... the PDSA couldn't see him until Monday, and as the time for it was 3.15, and Mum would have had to go to fill in the paperwork I couldn't have taken her by car as the kids are still here then. That means having to get a bus, in the middle of the summer holidays, to a fairly rough place, with a scared cat in a pet carrier... I don't think so! His treatment could cost up to £100... but it's worth it to get the infection sorted rather than leave it growing for two more days. I'll just not have any spending money this month... he's worth every penny, though - I love that little guy***

It's pouring with rain here, and it's calming me down nicely - thank you Mother Nature. I needed calming after Sissy going off on one again this morning regarding my attitude to my work (and its more complex nature now). Fortunately we don't have to do that full eight day course starting in November... but we do have to do four modules over four Saturdays starting at the end of September instead! Oh well... I suppose it's better to get it our of the way. I am dreading it, though.

Sissy tried to goad me into an argument, but I wouldn't be goaded and in the finish I ignored her completely, saying that the reason I was not speaking to her was because she had made me angry and rather than say nasty hurtful things to her I was choosing to not say anything at all! She hated that, but in the end she apologised to me (I never to her... after all, she started it by giving out her opinion when I didn't ask for it!!) She said I was being childish in ignoring her, until I explained that I was actually being an adult and not lashing out her just because I could. She shut up then... even then I still had to retreat into my room for about 30 minutes and put some earplugs in, just so that I could have some peace and quiet and restore my sense of calm.

Bye-bye roadworks.

So glad to see you bugger off, lol! Wonderful to be able to park near my house, on either side of the road and not be too far away from home so that I can take my Dad the places he needs to go without having a mile hike to get to the car! There are still roadworks, but they are now at the bottom of the hill, not sure what they're doing, but I'm happy as long as they are doing it way over there.

We lost our appeal of the parking ticket, so we have to pay that soon (just one of those things you use as a life lesson, I suppose)... thieving bastards!!

I have got a very sensitive tooth at the moment... I'm hoping that it's just a touch of neuralgia and not a cavity! Don't have the money to go to the dentist and I did have sore teeth all over my mouth a few weeks ago. It doesn't hurt all the time, I can't bite down on it very hard and it is very "jabby" when I have stuff that's cold, but it doesn't hurt otherwise and doesn't hurt when I brush my teeth, so I'm a little confused. I do have fissures in my teeth, but the dentist said when I was younger that my mouth structure is too small for the large teeth I have, so to relieve the pressure it created fissures in my teeth. I also have a dodgy wisdom tooth on the same side (it grew at a strange angle, and sometimes makes all of the teeth on that side sensitive :( ) FIngers crossed that is all it is.

Anyway... I mustn't grumble, and we had a beautiful day here today... sunny and warm, and I cleaned the car (again) so I'm hoping it doesn't rain now (usually does when I clean the car, hehe).

I was in the garden and I've seen some of the things that I want to do this year... some plants I want to get in the ground and out of pots, and also I have an idea for growing some herbs and veg (must start off the seeds soon, need to get a little greenhouse, too). Exciting times are just around the corner in my little patch of heaven :)

I JUST GOT A PARKING TICKET!!!!!

I'm so angry right now! I got a parking ticket for being parked in a suspended bay, but I didn't know that it was suspended... it wasn't yesterday!

I wouldn't mind, but the workmen working on the road said that they would knock on our door and let us know when we needed to move the car, they said they did this morning, but no-one in the house heard it!

So now I have a £120 fine for parking my disabled fathers' car as near our house as I can! We could pay £60 if we do it in 14 days, though... (what a bargain [/sarcasm])

We are contesting the ticket on the grounds of my fathers' disabled status... for feck's sake it says "disabled" on the tax disk! **

These road works are really pissing me off now... I can't even cross the road now without walking to the top of the hill as there are four foot barriers running along the kerb edge. I also don't have even one place near our house where I could stop the car to let Dad get in, either... so unless he can manage to walk all the way up the hill to where there is a place I can stop (which he probably can't as he can barely manage to get to where I park the car as it is, and once he does he sounds as if he's run a marathon his breathing is so bad... thanks asbestosis!) then he is going to be a virtual recluse again, as he can't get out!!

Oh, the irony! Dad's blue disabled badge just arrived in the post, hehe!

**(will probably not get us anywhere, as on reading the leaflet that came with his badge parking in suspended bays is forbidden **sigh** oh well, at lest contesting it means we have more time to find the money).

Oh dear... revisited

Kyah is leaving, too... we were given our one months' official notice by her Mum about five minutes ago.

I really am not all that sorry... it'll be a stretch, money-wise, but the other kids are so much calmer without her here, plus I have to keep taking her home every night, and it's not my responsibility to take the kids home, that should be up to the parents. I wouldn't mind, but there is always an eighteen year old that is perfectly capable of coming and getting her (as she is the one that opens the door to us when I take her back)... but I still have to take her home in the car, or somehow get her there on the bus (and she lives about a quarter of a mile from any buses and with the buses not running up the hill, and seeing as Kyah is a nightmare, using the bus is not a very good option).

Anyway... I feel calmer now that I know where we stand. We can start advertising for other kids now... fingers crossed we get some takers :)

Oh dear...

... Katie has left. Her Mum rang this morning to tell us that she won't be back. I'm not sure if we are getting our months' notice or not... Katie's Mum is not the easiest person to understand, between a mixture of talking quietly, quickly and with a very heavy accent, Mum can't be sure of what she actually said.

I am relieved on one hand, as it will make my school run with the boys all the more easy... but there is the money side of things to consider, too.

Add to that the fact that Kyah might also be leaving, and the good news about the car has just been countered by the bad news received today **sigh** Nothing is definite yet, we are waiting for Kyah's Mum to come in this afternoon and tell us what is going on with her job (if she knows).

I am not going to worry about it though (my saying that is a sure sign that I am worrying, by the way... I'm just writing it down in the hope that I'll do it!!)... PMA: Positive Mental Attitude (I really should try that one day soon!)... I must admit when I worry about things I make myself utterly miserable, but I can't get rid of the butterfly feeling in my stomach, which is a sure sign that I'm nervous about it all - and probably will be until I know where I stand.

I knew things were going too well lately (there I go with them negative thoughts again! hehe)

Happy New Year!!!

Or not!

Had the mechanic round to see just why my car is belching plumes of white smoke from the exhaust and he said that the piston rings are going. This is not good at all... it means the car needs a new engine... which means that I am probably going to lose my car. I am very upset at the moment, I had a bad feeling that the problem was serious, but as usual I did my "head in the sand" routine (I seem to have an inablilty to cope with some things, mostly concerning change or the losing of my prized possessions).

I know that I should consider myself lucky in the things that I do have... and watching the news this week and seeing the terrible things happening in Haiti, my not having a car is terribly petty - compared to the people that have lost everything that they own! The problem stems from the fact that I seem to give inanimate objects personalities... it's something I've always done, from thinking that my teddies had feelings, right up to the present day, when I gave my car a gender and a name... that was a big mistake, but it's what I do (maybe being a fairly lonely person I make my own friends from inanimate objects... no rejection that way).

So that means that I will be car-less in about four days (the guy's brother is looking for a new engine, but seeing as the car is an import from Japan, the chances aren't looking good... and even if he can find one my car will be out of action for about a week, plus we will have to find approx £500 for the engine and then pay labour on top - yeah, like that's gonna happen, we are broke!)

All this is not helped by the fact that I feel ill (it's only a cold, but the losing of my voice and also the constant headache I have from my sinuses means that I have trouble thinking clearly and am often grumpy, too).

We have had to get kids on the bus from school, which normally wouldn't be that much of a problem, but the buses are not running up our hill until the 2nd Feb, so that means that in order to get the bus we have to walk up a hill that is 1/4 of a mile long... not a good thing when you are running late - also not a good thing when you have a man that cannot walk more than 300 yards without getting breathless (who is also registered disabled, whether he accepts it or not!), that is insisting he has to go out "because he feels trapped". What we are going to do once Katie comes back I have no idea... I can't even think about it without getting fairly confused (I've run through so many differing routes and ways of doing it, but after walking the boys home from school the other day, there is no way in hell that I can be at two different schools in 10-15 minutes on foot... it took about ten minutes just to get them out of school and to the bus stop!)

There is only one bright spot on the horizon as far as getting a car goes... and that is that we could get one for my Dad through his DLA (Disability Living Allowance). All we would have to pay for would be fuel for it as they pay for everything else. We are currently looking up about it online (the offices are closed until Monday! How stupid, but there we go...) the only problem being that the car is only meant to be used for Dad, or for journey's concerning Dad if he's not in the car (like getting his prescriptions from the chemist). Now, would my using the car for picking up the kids, whose money pays the mortgage, that keeps him from being homeless, be seen as a journey for him?? Probably not, so I could still have a problem in doing school runs.

I suppose that I should just wait and see what the guy says about my car... I just hate not knowing, though... I feel restless and uncertain if I don't know what I can do **sigh**

CRAP!!!!

I have a nasty feeling that my car is going to need a new exhaust very soon! It's making a very strange noise... a noise that I don't like one little bit, a sort of whistling noise and also it sounds very chuggy all of a sudden at the rear of the car.

It started on Monday and has got steadliy louder all week... how splendid! I have no idea how I'll pay for that as I still haven't been paid yet, plus I have no idea how much something like that will cost, though knowing my luck it will be so steep it will look vertical!! LOL.

Must phone the garage tomorrow and get the bad news **sigh**

Damn! I was so scared then!!

My Mum fell over today. She fell off of our large settee whilst putting up our festive decorations and landed on her face, arm and chest! Her nose was bleeding and she'd pushed her teeth through her bottom lip, she'd hurt her arm and her neck and for a few seconds I was in a total panic as to what to do!

Me and Dad got her up off the floor and after a few minutes she started to look very bad, she was shaking, very wobbly on her feet and had trouble thinking straight. I said about calling an ambulance, but she said no, so I took her straight to the hospital and while she was there she started to perk up a bit (much to my relief). After two and a half hours we were able to come home and there appears to be nothing seriously wrong... there are a few minor things, but nothing that needed stitches, bandages, plaster casts or having to stay in overnight. Also there was no sign of any head trauma or concussion, which was my biggest worry... I've seen programmes where people have suffered head injuries and died as a result, so just to have that ruled out is a great relief!

We have to go back tomorrow to the fracture clinic as the doctor wasn't happy with her right elbow and wants them to have a more detailed look at it, but seeing as she fell from about four feet, straight down, I suppose that she was fairly lucky to get away with a possibly broken nose, a split lip, a cracked rib, a jarred neck and possibly a fractured elbow (to be confirmed tomorrow). She got some painkillers and a foam collar and cuff for her arm and we came home... in record time, too (in the past we have waited longer than the total time it took today just to be seen, so I'm grateful that more people were careful this weekend, LOL).

I have to say that I was so frightened when I found her laying on the floor... one of my greatest fears is losing my parents, although I realize one day I will have to face that fear, just not anytime in the near future if possible. I need them more than I ever realized.