Today I feel...

... well, honestly, I don't really know how I feel. Part of me doesn't really feel anything much at all, and another part of me feels tired and another part feels kind of "numb" somehow and another part of me just feels like crying... it's hard to explain really.

I probably shouldn't have watched "Living with the Amish" last night... although I love the show it always seems to leave me in a deep funk the next day. Maybe because I kind of envy their simple yet rewarding lives, I also envy their sheer depth of faith and their strong work ethic... I'm such a lazy person, if I can do tomorrow what should be done today then I will without hesitation :o(

I wonder if my constantly feeling tired is the cause - regardless of when I go to sleep or how much I have I just always feel tired. I never feel refreshed when I wake and usually feel worse than when I went to sleep! I've had tests run by the doctor and they came back saying nothing was wrong... yet I certainly don't feel right. But I don't know what to do about it. I swear that Sissy and Pingu just think I'm doing it for attention and they seem to react every time I mention how I feel as if I'm just a huge hypochondriac! So these days it is yet another topic of conversation I avoid when they are around.

I seem to spend my days in pain, very tired or in a bad mood... and I can become intensely irritated in less time than it takes to blink! I just feel as if I'm losing myself somehow, like I'm here but not completely here. I can't really put it into words, but it leaves me feeling sort of hollow.

Thankfully it's Friday... I don't think I could have stood another day doing a job I loathe for people that don't appreciate anything I do!

I feel so grumpy today!

Sort of restless somehow, caged in and trapped. It's difficult to describe.

It was a beautiful day today, and I went nowhere and did nothing. I was outside in the garden taking down the old gazebo for about five minutes, and I came in because my eyes hurt due to the bright light. Maybe it is down to the two hour nap I had yesterday evening that caused me to not go to bed until 4am this morning... or maybe it is just because I feel grumpy (does there always have to be a reason?).

I've also not been in a talkative mood at all... I just don't feel like I have the energy to do "small talk" and have felt like not saying anything the entire day.

It is at the time of year when I cannot abide to have the windows closed... every room feels like there is no air in it if the windows are shut... even if they are only open a tiny crack, it is enough to settle me.

I have also had itchy eyes since I woke up... a sort of stinging sensation that begs you to rub your eyes, yet when you do it makes the stinging worse just afterwards!

My arms also feel weak, even typing this is making my lower arms ache like mad, and I have no idea why.

I guess I am just in one of "those moods" today and the sooner I get to sleep the better it will be for everyone in my immediate vicinity!