{Sent to me by my brother... shared for sheer brilliance}

What is Paganism?By Nimue Brown

Paganism is an umbrella term covering an array of beliefs and practices, some of which are heavily informed by older civilisations, others of which are largely modern innovations. The trouble with the label is as soon as you say ‘this is Pagan’ there’s an implication of not-Pagan, which can be used to hurt and exclude. All too often what I see is people saying ‘I do this and I am Pagan and you do something different so you aren’t a proper Pagan’. And then we get bogged down in arguments, sucking up time and energy.

The logic of saying ‘you aren’t a true believer’ goes with recruiting religions based around authoritarian structures. These are, for the greater part not set up to be about spiritual experience, but designed to give power to a few. Most religions have aspects that are all about serving an elite, and every religion has spiritual people who aren’t primarily motivated by power. If you aren’t interested in controlling and manipulating people, why would it matter if what they do is not what you do? Historical Paganism was as much guilty of power wielding to herd the masses as any other set up, but we don’t need to recreate that aspect.There are reasons we might want other people to agree with us. We may feel threatened by difference, and more comfortable when our beliefs and habits are reflected back by those around us. We may want to be in charge and so must get everyone onboard for our way of doing things. We may have bought into the idea of one true way – perhaps a legacy from the faith we were raised in. We may be so excited about our personal truth that we think it’s bound to work for everyone. While sharing ideas and experiences is good, dogma is suffocating, and if we feel the need to say ‘you’re not a proper Pagan’ it’s worth asking what our problem is, not theirs.

What is Paganism? It isn’t in books, it isn’t a single coherent tradition, it does not have rules. There’s no racial or cultural barrier to membership, there’s nothing to swear, nothing to sign. Dedications are a personal thing. There are no specific gods you have to worship. You don’t even have to believe in gods to be Pagan. What does that leave? How can we make sense of the term when there’s nothing familiar to pin it to?

Let me suggest a thing. Paganism is a human response to the experience of being alive that finds sacredness in being alive. It’s a response to the seasons, life changes, the moon and tides, the agricultural year, the land, the weather. It’s a response to living and dying and to the constant cycles of life and death in this world. Anything that comes from a human response to life, is inherently Pagan. So the urge to make light and festivity at the darkest time of the year – that’s a Pagan urge. The urge to dance and party in the summer evenings, that’s a Pagan urge too. Celebrating the harvest, singing about the dear departed, honouring relationships, respecting the land we live on – no one needs telling how to do this. Every last one of us could come up with a way of being Pagan in response to life with no reference to anyone else.  Solstices, equinoxes, shifts in the season – these things are self evident.How can we get this wrong? Because if we’re inspired by other people to celebrate our human experience of being alive, that’s fine. We can find inspiration in each other for sacred expression. If we get it from a book, that’s fine too. If we make it up, it’s still humanity responding in a spiritual way to life.

Look at it this way, and the only thing a person could do that could be readily labelled as non-Pagan is telling another Pagan that they’re doing it wrong. Perhaps we could all be a bit gentler with each other.

Saw this on Facebook...

... change the Witchcraft to Paganism and it would be perfect :0)

A simplified form of paganism for me from now on

For ages now I've felt as if my connection to Selene has been broken. I just don't feel as if there is anything there between us anymore. When I think of how excited and happy I was when I first realised I'd finally found a "patron" after years of searching it makes me a little sad, if I'm honest, to think that the link between us is gone.

But on the flip side I'm not bereft enough to fight for something I'm sure isn't really for me anymore. A large part of me thinks I've moved forward and Selene was there for as long as I needed her. Another part of me wonders in the role of gods and I feel quite agnostic about them as a whole at present. It's a fairly confusing and contradictory set of thoughts and ideas swirling around in my tired (and illness/cold/flu riddled) brain at present. The contradiction is this... I do believe that gods exist, I just don't really want a relationship with them anymore. I will always have a soft spot for Selene, she was the only goddess that ever made herself known to me personally (or maybe I convinced myself she did... that is open for debate lol) and I'll always be grateful to her for arriving at a point in my life when I was seriously questioning my being pagan at all. I was ready to give up completely and suddenly Selene appeared and made me feel that I was on the right track, and that regardless of what other "better pagans" thought about me and the way I practised my "craft" that I was pagan enough and had nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I felt accepted and wanted for the first time in my pagan life. I will always be grateful for that and the strength I gained.

Now though, I don't feel as if I need her and I also don't feel as if she needs me. It feels like a mutual parting of the ways. I feel as if I have gained all I needed to from our relationship and she is telling me that I'm strong enough now to go my own way. Like a mother that helps her child to learn to walk and then lets them discover the world for themselves. I hope that makes sense. I know it sounds fairly non-sensical and confusing, but I can't seem to explain it better.

I seem to feel quite apathetic most of the time and ritual has never been very high on my list of "essentials" so attempting to plan elaborate sabbats was never me... and I dont recall ever marking an esbat in my life! Apart from the odd pagan bits and bobs in jewellery and the cauldron I have, people would have a hard time telling that I'm a pagan at all by looking at me. I've gone past the "dripping with pentagrams" stage that most newbies go through. It feels more natural to wear my more goth themed items than it does the pagan ones these days.

Anyway, I digress.

Simple paganism for me is basically the stripping down of all the stuff and nonsense that I've spent the last dozen or so years trying my hardest to do! No overly planned rituals, no ritual clothing, no ritual items like athames or wands, no casting circles, no incense and no invoking gods or elements. I fact sometimes I don't say anything at all and just light a candle and think about what I want it to symbolise or who to help or "insert occasion here."

Bottom line is, I'm finished with that which I can't prove for myself to be 100% true or that I feel I don't need anymore (like gods). I've become more nature based in my ways. Earth, Air, Fire, Water... I can see and feel them, I can prove them to be real and I interact with them everyday of my life. Spirit is more difficult for me to comes to terms with, but I see that as akin to the energy in all things or like the soul. Granted I cannot prove that it exists but I cannot prove it doesn't either... so I choose to believe it does as it makes sense to me. If I can understand it and it makes sense to me then I have no problem with it.

I suppose my craft life, such as it is, could be described as "pagan-lite" ... simple yet meaningful to me, if no one else - and something which enriches me and doesn't feel like a chore or a burden. I guess that is all that matters really :0)

A question about the term "fluffy" in Paganism

There was a question asked, about just what "fluffy" means (at a forum I used to go to all the time, but which I rarely go to anymore as I feel as if I now longer belong there as I'm not "Pagan enough!")

I was going to reply to the thread, but upon reflection I really didn't feel comfortable enough in doing so and so I'm posting it here instead (no doubt someone would have remarked about my post not actually replying to the question of the thread, and I just cannot be bothered in people arguing with me over it). My reply:

I'd be very surprised if there were any "fluffies" in the Valley, this place tends to knock that out of people very quickly! I know it did with me!

Reading the definitions of "fluffy" here made me laugh... and I fall into the "fluffy" spectrum in a good few areas (although not in my belief about angels and fairies, I don't believe in them). In regards to some of them I'm a very bad Pagan and probably should stop using the term in regards to myself as I don't appear to be Pagan enough.

Personally, I don't care how fluffy someone is, and it's taking me years to counteract the negative programming I received here towards terms like blessed be and merry meet (and subsequently my opinions of people that use them, too... when you are told enough to scorn the terms, eventually you end up scorning the people that use them as well, which is wrong!)

These days I don't care what people believe, I just care about how they treat me and others. It matters more to me. If people want to believe that all fairies are like Tinkerbell and are happy little pixies that only do good for people, who cares? Who are they hurting by believing that? No one (and if the Fae are offended by that I'm sure they are more than capable of doing something about it, not that I believe in the Fae, either).

People should have the right to believe whatever the hell they want, and none of us have any rights to tell them that they can't (or treat them as somehow lesser for holding beliefs we disagree with... that would make us elitists).

I would have posted it there, but there would be no point, I'd either be ignored or I'd be dog-piled and have people having a go at me for saying it and I truly can't be bothered with that kind of treatment! I seemed to routinely either get ignored or treated as somehow lesser for voicing my opinion over there in the past, so I no longer bother anymore (in fact I left for the longest time and returned a few weeks ago to find most of the people that seemed to take umbrage at my mere prescence had been banned, but there are still a few left). I just don't feel as if my opinions matter so why should I post anything there?!

I can honestly say that the only things I learned there were how to look down on people for believing things that I was meant to find ridiculous and how to be very cynical and condescending regarding people that dare to say things that are frowned upon (like merry meet and blessed be).

It is being back at places like that that make me not want to be pagan at all... if I'm meant to believe some of the things that they all believe I'd rather not bother with any of it!

They are fine with people believing in whatever they want, unless they don't agree with it and then you shouldn't believe it! I truly don't give a shit anymore... if people want to worship a clown riding a yellow unicycle round and round in a circle, that is up to them and as long as they don't tell me I have to believe in it too, it's all good.

I sometimes wonder if it's places like that that help make me so confused sometimes... if enough people tell you you're wrong for thinking a certain way, eventually you start to believe them so that you feel like you belong! It reminds me of the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, where anyone that couldn't see the wonderful fabric was a fool... and as no one wanted to be thought of as a fool they went along with the charade even though the King walked the streets stark naked!

I'm not prepared to spend my time defending my opinions against people that have no right to question them, so it's better for me to just stay away from those people!!!

Answer to a spell advice question

I talk to a girl at Facebook and she is always asking my advice on how to help her boyfriend out. Now, normally I wouldn't answer stuff about this issue as I believe that telling people what to do, craft wise, is not a good thing as it stops you from finding your own way and stunts your own craft-style from being found. General queries are fine, but giving out stuff to be said by rote (that you haven't had any input in creating) well, to me it feels all wrong.

But that's maybe just me... every time I've done stuff "from a book" it either feels very wrong or never works.

Anyway, I received this message yesterday and I felt I couldn't just leave her twisting in the wind:

My bf is in a really horrible position... he was beaten and neglected as a child and he is really sad right now where he is at he is always in a bad mood and he is never happy :( it makes me sad because i want to help him but i really dont know how, do you know any chants or spells i can do to clear negative energy from his life? And I just really want him to be okay so I really want an effective spell and I dont really have that many tools to do spells but I am very determined to channel all my energy and power to making this work... And if someone says magic can't help then I am officially giving up on the craft.

I sent her this reply, and I wonder where most of it came from? I just started typing and before I knew it the message was almost ready to go (apart from the words "aura cleansing", I couldn't think of the name and had to google for help, and while I was reading about it the part about catching the ash come up so I "borrowed" it and added it in to stop her from setting herself on fire, lol).

Seeing as all types of incense give me a headache it's not something I could ever perform myself, neither have I done it in the past, so how I got this in my head, I have no idea (very weird).

The rhyme I added as people seem to like them and I do find that something that rhymes sticks in my head and I remember it much easier than just words (of course when doing something "ab lib" normal words are all I have and they work just as well, but the poet in me seems to routinely prepare stuff that rhymes, so I have it and I use it).

This is the second time I've sent her something to do for her man and I'm wondering why she singled me out? Maybe my name (at FB I am minty.the.pagan), but her very first message to me was asking for help with her fella, and she always sounds so desperate to help him out, and he seems to have so much emotional baggage! I suppose if she does it and gets results, then it's all good :o)

Magic will only get you so far, hun, the rest has to come from within himself. It's a bit like going on a journey, the transport cannot take you there if you don't get to the transport in the first place.

Smudging is good for clearing negativity from buildings and places and I'm sure it can do the same for people. It's called "aura cleansing" and it helps to get rid of all the nasty emotions and other things we pick up throughout our lives.

You need to buy smudge sticks (your local craft supply store can help you there) and then you need to sit him down, or a picture of him or something else of his and imagine a protective circle of white of violet light surrounding you all and keeping all bad thoughts and things out. Then light the smudge stick (following the instructions) and walk around the object you are cleansing, wafting the smoke about them as you go... kind of "push" the smoke into the person/object and as the smoke rises visualise all of the negativity and past hurt getting caught up in the smoke and being carried away with it (you will probably need to open a window, or preferably perform this outside so that the smoke can freely flow away from you).

You could say a few words whilst you do this, but it's not really necessary, the smoke will do it for you. However, if you feel the need to say something to focus your mind, you could repeat:

"Smoke that cleanses, smoke of peace,

Bring back joy, make badness cease."

Keep saying this for as long as you need to or until the smudge stick goes out.

If you cannot find smudge sticks, then stick incense is just as good, either your favourite scent or something known for healing like lavender.

One tip: if you are walking around holding burning things please remember to carry something to catch the ash that they will drop (all over the floor if you don't catch it... been there, had to clean the carpet when the ash fell on it).

I wish you many blessings, and your boyfriend is very lucky to have someone that is so ready to help him heal... however, the craft cannot cure everything and anyone that tells you that it can is lying. If your bf is not ready to let the negativity go then the spell will have no effect... the spell can only aid those that are ready to move on... it can help you to release things, it cannot force you to do so.

So...

... not too sure what to write here, to be honest. The blogging bug seems to have gone into hibernation for the winter. I've not even written my paper journal (which is weird for me). Maybe it's to do with the weather, the pain I'm in and the fact that I now have a cold - and for some unknown reason the worst backache I've had in years. Whatever it is, I just can't seem to settle to write anything down. I wonder if the constant thought of my efforts being discovered is putting me off, or whether I'm just too tired/lazy/meh to actually think about things to write about? lol.

I have been thinking about my path, though, so maybe I should write about that?

For some reason I can feel my connection to the Moon deepening... I'm not sure just how it is, or what it entails, but "something" feels different.

I was thinking about "The God", too... the male aspect of deity and the fact that after the initial meeting with Pan that nothing more has happened. It's so weird, but I feel no connection to any male deity whatsoever... even Pan just gets a feeling of "that's nice... and?" from me these days. I was thinking that I might be one of these pagans that doesn't "have a god" (although I do believe in the existence of them/Him). Then I got to thinking, is that wrong? I know in some pagan circles that having the female without the male is frowned upon, deity being both sexes it really should be that you honour both, too... but can you really do that if you feel no connection to a male godhead? Not sure how to go about doing that... to say "Lady Selene and My Lord  {blank} " just feels very wrong to me. I don't really see the need to try and force myself upon a God that doesn't want me (and if They want you They let you know, lol!).

I was also thinking about my relationship with Selene and how do I know that I actually have one and I'm not deluding myself? The short answer is that I don't... I have no idea just why I am so sure that I'm a Moonwitch (I was called that by a very dear friend, and it makes perfect sense to me, so I've adopted that title). I don't even know what a Moonwitch actually is, nor what they do, how they practice, nothing! At the present time I can only say that I am a Moonwitch and my brain tells me that whatever I do is what a Moonwitch does, lol... (sounds quite arrogant, I suppose, but it doesn't when I think it, only when I write it down).

Honouring a whole pantheon?

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I consider myself "Greek" in that I feel the strongest connection to the Greek Pantheon of Gods and Goddesses. My patron Goddess is Selene, Titan Goddess of the Moon and I love her, don't get me wrong, but for a long time it's felt kind of lonely only having the one deity to give thanks and offerings to.


I was reading this article at Wikipedia today, and it got me thinking (I know, always a bad thing, lol) and it started me back on an old train of thought "why not leave offerings and ask the help of those Gods/Goddesses assigned a specific duty in your pantheon?" Why ask Selene for wisdom when that request could be better filled by Metis or Athena? Why ask Selene to bless a party or festival when that kind of thing is the speciality of Dionysus? "Why ask Selene to help in the healing of aches and pains when that is the purview of The Algia (the spirits of pain and suffering - Akhos: trouble, distress - Ania: ache, anguish - Lupe: pain, grief, sorrow)?

It's one of those things that slightly confuses me as well as excites me, if I'm honest, as I can't see Selene's place in all of this... and if I'm taking my requests to other deities then I'm not sure what I'm meant to ask of Her? I don't do much by way of honouring her anymore, rarely do I leave offerings, but I do give a special devotional sign to the Moon whenever I see Her shining in the heavens (like last night). I always get the feeling that it's enough, though, She asks no more of me than I already give (in fact sometimes I get the distinct impression that if I were to do anymore I'd be doing it wrong, lol).

I don't know... I guess it's one of those things that will take some thought... maybe it will become so complex as to not make it feasible... after all the Greek Pantheon is huge, and if I were to try asking advice/honouring them all (because they cover virtually every aspect of daily life) I'd be forever doing so and wouldn't be able to stand up without asking a deity about it LOLOLOL!

What to do for Mabon?

At the moment I have no idea and the festival is rapidly approaching.

I'm going to have to do some research and see if my pain-addled brain can come up with something... far too often I let festivals slip past without marking them, and I can't keep doing so as I feel really guilty when I do!

It will be nothing huge or demanding, as I'm assuming that my arm will still be hurting (and if I plan something taking that into account and it turns out that my arm is better, than I've lost nothing and can always add stuff "ad-lib"). I'll have to have a think and see what I can come up with.

Reflections at the Magick Tree: The 13 Virtues of a Witch

Reflections at the Magick Tree: The 13 Virtues of a Witch

Very interesting... I must remember all of these... will print them out so that I can read them and then copy them into my BoS.

So... I'm thinking

... which is always a baaaaad thing for me to be doing (I confuse myself on a good day... so thinking too deeply on a day that is not so good is - well, bad!)

The thing I'm thinking about is my faith - big surprise there! And I'm thinking that trying to have a path that is complex, demanding and "heavy" is not very "me" at all! So I'm thinking and randomly surfing the net yesterday (as I do) and I come across this blog: BroomCloset Witch... now, this blog is for those people that live with intolerant people or for reasons that are their own have to practice their faith in secret (hence... being in the "broom" closet). And it set me thinking (uh-oh!)

Now... practising your faith in secret appeals to me... I don't have to do this... but it's something I try to do anyway (purely because I live with people that aren't pagan and have no interest in celebrating things as I do, and I am a fairly secretive person by nature)... I see faith as something that should have its private side (yes, I'm a proud pagan, by the way!), the bit that is just between you and any deities that you choose to honour.

And I was wondering just how to go about practising my faith in private... so private that not even the people I live with would now about it (if you knew just how scornful Sissy can be of all things "religious" and with the prospect of her being back here for nearly three... long... months, plus her boyfriend come the end of June, you'd be thinking what I'm thinking, too... I assure you... you would!)

Now, I recall reading in a Kate West book, many moons ago, about substitutions that you can make for most things that would/could be used "in circle"... problem being? I don't cast circles, never have done... it's a part of the whole "you must do this to be a proper pagan" schtick that I seem to rebel against with every fibre of my being! But then I don't "do" magic/k either, so there ya go! The deepest my working goes is to send good thought/vibes to people and maybe light a candle or two... simple, not complex... yet it works for me (always has done... not changing it now, hehe).

I do honour my gods and I do little things for people, but I have never cast a circle in order to do it... neither do I ritually bathe, change clothes or do any of the things that people are "supposed" to do. I remember reading somewhere that our ancestors wouldn't have been able to do any of the above (as sometimes people only had the one set of clothes anyway), they were clean and didn't have the time to do things with "bells and whistles" (plus, is some cases, they never knew who might have been watching... being a nosey parker is not a new thing, haha!) That is the way I go about things... if I get the urge to do something then I do it - if I didn't, by the time I'd showered, found something new to wear, cast the circle and done all the rest I'd have forgotten what I wanted to do in the first place as I have the kind of mind that does that! Sometimes the extent of my Sabbat celebration is to stay awake to watch the sunrise whilst reading about my gods (which is what I did for Beltane this year).

Anyway... it's going to be one of those topics that occupies my mind for a few days, at least... and when I come up with a way I'll post it here (for those that give a toss... for those that don't, well... just skip this post ;) )

The things that really anger me about certain Christians!

The air of utter superiority they possess! That smug, self-righteous "I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong-and-you-will-burn-in-hell-for-angering-the-LORD!!" That is what makes me the most angry. There is no respect there, nowhere... they expect to be allowed to have their opinion, but no-one is allowed to have an opinion that disagrees with them! They do not have to respect others, yet expect, nay, demand that they are respected!

The way is twisted and "interpreted" by many people to prey upon those that are actually in need of the most help... to demean and degrade and make people feel so inferior that they will do whatever you say just to be accepted!

They insist on trying to "save" those that don't believe they need saving! There was one of them on Witchbook, banging on and on about going to hell unless you accept Jesus, and that is just totally wrong... I'd never dream of going to a Christian meeting place and trying to convert them to my faith, so I don't see why they feel they have the right to go to a Pagan meeting place and post scripture and tell people they are "set-to-burn!"... So dis-respectful!!

How dare they do this... how dare they choose to disregard another's thoughts, feelings and religious preference just because they feel they have a God-given right to do so!

UGH! I am just so annoyed by those that feel they are in a position to tell others they are wrong, just because they don't believe and accept as fact every single word in a collection of 2000 year old stories... I just feel sorry for the children that are raised and brainwashed to believe everything they are told to believe and that are actively encouraged not to read about things other than, or mix with people outside, their own faith! To only hear one side of the story and follow the "logic" of "The-Bible-said-it-I-believe-it-CASE-CLOSED!"

Madness!!!

Now, I know Christians that are not like that... they are loving, accepting people that are true shining examples of all that is good about their faith... sadly they are in the minority it seems, especially online!

Pathworking meeting finally makes sense!

Years ago I did a pathworking... it was my only time and I didn't get very far with it before I was warned off (short story, the face of the Goddess morphed into something with huge serpent-like fangs as I tried to hug her, and I was scared and took it as a sign that I wasn't ready to go further at that time).


Anyway... before I was scared off I had got to a clearing where I saw the Lord and Lady... now the Lady was beautiful with long silver blonde hair and she was wearing clothes that sort of reminded me of the kind of clothes that peasant girls used to wear in the Medieval period (just like Aurora/Sleeping Beauty wears when she's hidden from Maleficient)... so over the years I've come to associate the Lady I saw with Selene, Goddess of the Moon. I've felt connected to the moon for years, so that makes sense (well, to me, lol).

Now, the Lord that was with her was half man/half goat, and I always wondered if it was Pan, Cernnunos or a deity as yet unknown to me. Lately I've been somehow drawn to Pan, but I could never see a connection between Pan and Selene. The info on Selene is meagre, to say the least and I don't recall reading about Pan (although it is mentioned very briefly in the Wiki article about Selene, although at the time I first read her article a year ago I was not even registering male deities, I was more eager to learn about her. I haven't read it since then until I just went and read it following a link from the Pan entry to cross-reference it).

However, tonight I found something whilst reading the Pan entry at Wikipedia that suddenly made my pathworking make sense:

Quote:

Erotic aspects Pan is famous for his sexual powers, and is often depicted with a phallus. Diogenes of Sinope, speaking in jest, related a myth of Pan learning masturbation from his father, Hermes, and teaching the habit to shepherds. Pan's greatest conquest was that of the moon goddess Selene. He accomplished this by wrapping himself in a sheepskin to hide his hairy black goat form, and drew her down from the sky into the forest where he seduced her.

That would explain why they were in the clearing, sitting by a fire together as I approached them... they were lovers. I couldn't have known that two years ago, I'd never even heard of Selene then and I'd never read anything about the Greek Pantheon (I only had a basic knowledge, the kind you pick up without even realising it). I only fully realised they were connected to each other (apart from being in the same pantheon) about 30 minutes ago... but I was told two years ago.

To say I'm stunned is an understatement!

Sissy is now back in Brighton

I took her this morning... we left at 11.08am and we were back by 2.11pm. Not bad time really, for a round trip of nearly 160 miles. I didn't even get out of the car at the other end, I just sat there (mainly because I was double-parked with the hazard lights flashing). The house has a completely different atmosphere now that she's gone... quieter and more peaceful. She was in a bad mood this morning (as she really didn't want to go back, but then she did nothing to try and arrange changing her course to up here, so what can you do?). In the finish we had to call into our local McDonald's and get her some food before we started out (after we went to the garage), which she ate on the way. I was glad to get her there as if I'd have heard her phone ring once more I think I would have grabbed the dread thing and thrown in out of the bloody window!!! She was talking to Pingu for almost the entire trip, and when she wasn't talking to him she was talking to the girls that she was going back to live with... no wonder her phone bill reached over £250, and Pingu over £400! They never shut the hell up!!!

It was like a fox graveyard on the drive there and back... I saw the carcasses of no less than eight foxes in the road, in varying degrees of "squished"... I always wonder if there are any cubs waiting for those adults to return with food - makes me sad the think of those beautiful creatures suffering if there is no other parent to take care of them :(

STILL NO WORD FROM THE BOY'S MOTHER... REALLY FUCKED OFF NOW! They had just better be there when I go and collect them tomorrow, that's all. Then she'll have no choice but to come and see us... will she?!?!?! Just tell me if I still have a job you selfish cow!!!

I'm trying to read "Triumph of the Moon" by Ronald Hutton again... I'm still not having much luck, and it is just as hard going as the first time :( I really want to read it as a lot of people have recommended it to me, but for some reason I stop reading it, put it down and just seem to forget all about it! It must just be one of those books that I seem to forget, like "The Woman in White" by Wilkie Collins... I've gotten halfway through that - three times - and I still haven't finished it, LOL!! Oh well, I'll keep trying with Mr. Hutton, even a page a day is better than nothing, I suppose, hehe.

Selene connection re-connected?

I've just become so excited on finding out the there will be a full moon tonight... and I'm wondering if it means that my connection to Selene is deepening again.

I've felt differently for a while now regarding gods (more positive and not so agnostic, more of a very, very soft agnostic... sure that gods are real, just never having had proof for myself). I'm wondering if this means that She never cut our ties at all, just gave me some breathing space in order to see if it was right for me, after all. I really wish that tonight's sky was going to be clear, just so that I could see Her and see if that's the case.

I suddenly have this overwhelming urge to go and put on my little crescent moon pendant. So I'm going to do that now :)

I missed Imbolc!!!

I just realized that in all the confusion of this week, I've completely missed Imbolc (which I think was on the 3rd). How typical is that, LOL!!... I always seems to forget festivals.

Got these results from taking a Non-Theist pagan quiz:

My #1 is:Scientific Pantheism
My #2 is:Ethical Culture
My #3 is:Secular Humanism
My #4 is:Agnostic Church
My #5 is:Pantheism
My #6 is:Atheistic Paganism
My #7 is:Atheism a la American Atheists
My #8 is:Deism
My #9 is:Rationalism
My #10 is:Transhumanism
My #11 is:Unitarian Universalism
My #12 is:Freethought, Church of
My #13 is:Taoism
My #14 is:Randism (Objectivism)
My #15 is:Zen Atheism
My #16 is:Theravada Buddhism
My #17 is:Confucianism
My #18 is:Relativism, moral/cultural

Time to re-ignite my paganism?

I'm the first one to admit that I have done nothing regarding my beliefs for a while now... ever since I felt my connection to Selene was severed a few months ago (see here) I have not felt particularly pagan, in fact I haven't felt very much of anything. I've done no reading about pagan things, I have barely posted on pagan forums, and it was only seeing a post asking what people are doing for Imbolc that I realized that it's next week!!

I sometimes wonder if it's my spending so much time (online) around christians that affects my pagan beliefs? Maybe I see them seeming to be so happy, content and spiritually rich that it makes me want to be like them... although the six months that I tried to be christian were some of the darkest, confusing and (regarding some of the things I heard myself say!) also most embarrassing times in my entire life. The constant trying to be something that I wasn't, of having to toe the party line, of never feeling free as I was always having to measure myself by the scriptural yardstick (and failing dismally everytime) made me well and truly miserable - and even now I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt when I do things that are biblically taboo or "sins" (like lying and thinking about sex).

Maybe it's because I am so very indecisive, and the more and more I seem to think about things, the more my sense of confusion seems to grow...on the flip side, the less I seem to think about things, the clearer my true feelings become (maybe something to think about there, although not too much, lol!)

I have done nothing remotely pagan for months... I have even stopped burning candles, which is sad because I do love candles. My cauldron is under my bed somewhere, my shelf of pagan books is gathering dust... but if asked by people I will say I'm pagan... and I get very defensive if paganism (in whole or it part) is belittled, attacked or mocked, either by those who are ill-informed or by those who are trying to make us all out to be devil worshippers, child killers, mad, bad or just downright evil!

I very much have a pagan heart, although I may not actively be practicing my pagan path (which I have no idea about, which could go a long way to explaining just why I'm stalled and sort of held in a kind of holding pattern or limbo regarding it!)

Am thinking that I should go and have a read of some of the books on my shelf again... see if I can fire up my interest... it certainly can't hurt, and it may just make me feel the way I used to about my path. Maybe I should see about writing a little something for Imbolc... it's only about a week away and what better way to banish this dark feeling than with a festival of light celebration?

Finally gave my thanks for Mabon

I was a day late, as I felt too ill yesterday, but I have just done what I wanted to do.

I thanked Selene for allowing me to have her as my patron Goddess, and then I took a small red apple, cut it in two (across not vertically) and I used it as a thank you to the Earth (not a god, but the actual planet).

I said (and I can't remember the exact owrds, but it went something like this).

"I thank you, Planet Earth for everything you have given me, and everyone else this year so far. I cut this apple in two as a thank you, one half for the food and water I have had, and the other half for the food and water that I have yet to consume.

For all of your bounty, I thank you... and I bury this small apple as my symbol of thanks to you."

And then I buried it. After I'd done that I thanked Selene again for the strength she gives me to face each day, I fed the birds and came indoors.

I feel happy now, as I usually forget to mark the festivals, and feeling ill hasn't helped (damn this stupid cold!), so I'm glad that I did something, even though it was small and late (which is better than nothing and never, lol!)


I shall light a votive and place it in my cauldron later, too... and I shall write a proper prayer to Selene, and not something just "off the cuff". My aging memory means that I always seem to forget what I've just said, and therefore don't have an accurate record of my workings.

I wonder...

... if there is "something" watching over me. Whenever bad things happen there always seems to be a good outcome from them, in some way or another. Or maybe it's just the way that I seem to handle things lately. Take work... we always seem to get people in at the last minute (and have our bacon saved, so to speak).

Rarely (not wanted to tempt Fate, so touch wood, lol) has anything truly terrible happened that we haven't been able to get through (Mum and me, usually). Maybe it's because we are determined and stubborn, or maybe as Mum is a born survivor and it's slightly rubbed off on me... or maybe we get each other through tough things, I don't know.

It just seems strange that I've accepted Selene as my patron goddess and things are starting to look up for me. I wonder if it's a welcome home gift from Her... for some reason I want to thank Her for giving me the strength and optimism to get through the last few months. Everytime that I've felt nervous or anxious or I've felt myself starting to stress something has happened to take my mind off of it... usually something connected to the moon - like, I'll be trying not to worry about something and I'll have the urge to look up and there will be My Lady, shining down on me and the worry just disappears.

I think that is the greatest power of the gods... their ability to help us when we don't even realise it... there is something in me that shrinks away from bothering a deity with my very human troubles (I think they have enough to do without listening to my moaning and whining and asking to be helped out of the pits I dig myself in this life!) but I think that Selene has been subtly helping me, all of this time, from the moment that I first came across Her (or rather from the moment that She allowed me to find and connect with Her). I have sometimes felt an inner strength that I never knew I had (and I don't recall having it before I found Her) so I can only assume that She gave it to me, or maybe She woke up that part of me that has been dormant all of this time... whatever it was that happened, I don't know, but I doubt that I did it myself (or I would have done it years ago).

So, thank you, My Lady, thank you.

Chosen

I've finally come to the conclusion that I am a "Moon's girl"... more specifically Selene, the Greek goddess. No matter what pantheon or gods I read about I am always drawn back to her. I wake with her name on my lips, I think about her all the time (nothing dirty, I assure you, lol) and every time I see the moon I seem to drift into a sense of utter contentment and serenity. I become really calm and I can't stop smiling ( I can even calm myself by thinking about the moon during the day or in times of stress or anger which is good for me, it really is, it's something that I will have to remember to do, though, I easily forget).

I don't know why I tried to fight it or find 'something better'... I can only put it down to envying those around me their gods, and not paying proper attention to my own! **facepalm**

I started wondering and asking myself why I was constantly searching for a deity when one was right there in front of me the whole time!! So I've stopped looking and I feel better for it. It feels wonderful to finally have a sense of belonging, somehow. I have no way of really explaining it, other than to say that I feel as though I'm a real pagan now (not to say that those with no gods or beliefs in them aren't real pagans, it's just something that I never thought would happen to me, being chosen by a deity, and it's something that I've wanted for so very long, and it's a wonderful feeling to have it finally happen). Will have to do something to mark the occasion, either at Mabon or Samhain (Samhain would be better, I can better plan a little something and it's my favourite festival) as well as the new year.

Start a new year by accepting a Goddess... sounds good to me!