In answer to the question "If this world was perfect, how would things be different?"

In a perfect world? Tough question.

In a perfect world there would be no religion... nothing on this planet has caused more death, persecution, hatred and violence than people fighting over who is religiously right. Faith would take a back seat to common sense and nothing should be valued more highly than truth and justice.

In a perfect world there would no such thing as snap judgements and people would be accepted for who they were and what they could do and not how they looked.

In a perfect world there would be total equality.

In a perfect world there would be no poverty and no one so disgustingly rich that they feel they have the "right" to look down on others and treat them badly purely because they are poorer than others.

In a perfect world there would be no violence, disease, injustice, inequality, abuse, poverty, famine, war, and all of the things that these inevitably bring in their wakes.

However, a perfect world would also be a very boring and mundane one that lacked all of the things we hold so dearly. There would be no laughter, no comradeship, no community spirit, no fun, no love - as all of the things that bring us together and keep us together are the things we wouldn't have in a perfect world. It's only when things get as bad as they can possibly be that you discover things about yourself and those around you... and it's also when you learn who your friends are and what you are truly capable of.

We would lose compassion, empathy, understanding, sympathy and all of the other emotions that you only gain when you have been personally effected by tragedy, hardship, sadness or loss of those you love and admire. If we all had the same life experiences what would we have to talk about? There would be no one to help and nothing to really do.

Sometimes in the darkest of times you find the brightest lights shining, bringing hope to the world... if it was bright all the time you'd quickly lose sight of them. If there were no tunnel, you'd not be able to see the light at the end of it.

Why do I bother?

I often wonder what I bother joining online forums for... I don't seem to get anything out of them anymore! I'm not christian, so don't fit too well on the christian ones, I don't feel particularly pagan these days, so am none to comfortable on the pagan ones, I don't feel very goth anymore, so the goth ones are not really me and as for the rest that I've joined in the past I just can't seem to get a foot in the door as I have nothing to say there... and even if I did I am really just not in the mood to post my opinion and get set upon by the forum regulars for daring to post my views, or worse, have to cite sources to back up every little thing that is posted, or else have to retract my opinion! (Just how you are meant to find things to back up your own opinion, I have no idea **sigh**)

Apart from Farmville and the rest of the facebook games, and the Drag Cave dragons I highly doubt that I'd do anything online anymore. This blog entry is the most I have typed online in about four days!!! So unlike me. I just can't seem to think of anything of any value to say... neither do I fancy voicing an opinion that will be unpopular, or saying things that in some places can actually get me banned, just for daring to question others about the things they say! Shocking, yet true.

I just can't seem to be bothered with all of the damn drama that some places seem to generate... I don't want to agrue about Jesus, nor do I wish to be constantly told that unless I accept him that I am doomed to spend an eternity in hell. Sadly, that is the very thing that I get told on a fairly regular basis at some of the places I frequent (though not with any regularity these days). Some of the people are just so totally toxic in the things that spew from their mouths that I have neither the time nor the inclination to bear them any longer. I think that Winston Churchill got it right when he said "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. "

I spend way to much time...

...on the computer!

I seem to waste hours a day just doing... not one hell of a lot, if I'm honest. I used to do so many things - candle making, knitting, embroidery, tapestry, jigsaws, jewellery making, going for walks... now all I seem to do is sleep, eat, work and surf the net... not a very rewarding experience most days  **sigh**

The laptop is on for more than twelve hours nearly everyday! I'm sure that can't be very healthy, for either me or the computer, LOL! I wouldn't mind, but I always seem to forget to visit the places that I should be visiting, like the places where I am staff... I mess about at Facebook using Farmville, Drag Cave seeing to the dragons or blogging here and by the time I seem to remember about places like PWUK and The Glade it's bedtime and too late so I say "must go there tomorrow" and then come tomorrow, I seem to forget again until it's too late!!

Why do I do that?! It's not even as if I have such pressing concerns or undue stress that I'm incapable of remembering... it's just that I always seem to remember when it's too late for me to do anything about it, and then the following day something always seems to happen to distract me and so I forget again. Do I feel guilty for constantly forgetting... yes, I damn well do! But I have no idea why I cannot seem to remember to go there first... maybe I should leave myself a note saying to visit the forums before I do anything else... it certainly can't hurt!!

Brain guano

It's times like this when my brain seems to go into overdrive and just starts pondering on all of the things that I normally try hard not to think about. Just because I know that once I start I invariably won't be able to stop.

The times when I'm alone and all is quiet... the times that I can think (whether I want to or not).

Sometimes it can be a totally trivial thing that will start the rusted cogs of my brain turning and before I can stop myself, the thoughts just descend upon me, like a flock of birds.

The question that popped up was "Who am I?" and the answer is "I don't really know".

I think that I have a vague idea, I know most things that there are to know about me, but that's not the question. Do I really know "Who I am?"... most of the time I seem to be afraid to be myself, for fear of either offending, annoying or being the laughing stock of other people. I sometimes wonder if the real me is the tough, abraisive woman with the hard exterior and a mouth like a docker... or whether I am the soft, caring woman, that always sees both sides and seems to give people unlimited mercy. Most of the time I seem to squash the two together, and most of the time they gel quite nicely... but sometimes they don't and one or the other seems to gain the upper hand for a short time - usually the unkind half.

I suppose that we all have two sides to our character, nice and nasty, hard and soft, polite and rude, tolerant and impatient... it just seems as if the nasty side of me gets the most opportunity to show itself these days. I seem to be becoming intolerant of stupid people, and the old saying "Doesn't suffer fools gladly" is certainly what I appear to be doing *sigh*

The power of music

I am always amazed at the way music effects me, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

I'm listening to my favourite band, and I just feel alive, yet I also have a deep feeling of peace... it's hard to describe really. I suppose being a fairly quiet person, I don't listen to music very often, but maybe I should do so more often in the future. Granted, my musical tastes are, by most people's standards, fairly dreadful... I seem to be becoming a Rock/Metal head... if it has a pounding beat, I will probably like it, LOL!

I don't know, I'm just rambling now, and I've forgotten what I was going to say LOL!!!

Am I boring?

I'd like to think not, but sometimes I do wonder. I don't really do much, not when I think about it. I work, surf the net, read, eat, sleep and drive (in varying order and intensity) and I sometimes watch movies and annoy my cats - oh, and eat chocolate (mustn't forget that bit).

I don't have a real hobby, nothing that I love doing. I have many things that interest me, many things that I do, to a middling sort of level, but nothing that I really excel in, and nothing that I can do exceptionally well - I seem to know a little bit about a lot of things, but not a lot about any one thing in particular. Maybe I should look into finding a remedy for that, stop spreading myself too thin?

I think that my main problem is that I get bored easily, and then I put things down and find something else to do, and forget about the things I was doing before. I get easily distracted by -----oh... shiny (joke).

I wonder what I'm really doing with my life! Do I have any idea what I really want out of this round of my existance? Not really. I just want peace and the chance to do what I want to do. Is that so much to ask? In today's world, it probably is far too much to ask - here I am wanting to do as I please and there are people that can barely survive!

Sometimes, trying to tap into the untouched corners of your mind is a bad thing... there is a reason that they are filled with cobwebs and dust and huge trunks with big old locks on them - they are not meant to be visited and the trunks are not meant to be opened, they are meant to be left alone and the things locked inside left in peace. Trying to force them open is the surest way to unleash something that should never see the light of day. Whatever is in there is in there for reason... leave it alone, and it will return the favour!