Picked up the new car yesterday...

... and as much as it's nice, I still preferred the old one. Maybe because I'd become used to it, I knew how to park it and the width, for barriers and just general driving.

I'm not a fan of change anyway, so having change forced upon me never works well.

I should stress that the car is for my Dad... because of his disabilities he qualifies for a new car every three years under the Motobility Scheme (which is all about giving people with disability more opportunity to get out and about).

I've just had to go out and move it because of the atrocious weather outside... it's pouring with rain, the wind is gale force and it's tossing large wheelie bins about like a child throws toy bricks! The small bin belonging to "her next door" has blown over twice, and when Mum looked out of her window it was being blown straight for the new car!! Despite putting it back it happened again... so she came and told me and I moved the new Betsy (all cars are called Betsy lol) to a more secluded part of the road (a small parking section referred to as 'the pan' because it is shaped like a pan... it is also away from the main road, you can just make it out in the picture on the right behind the car). I was still in my pj's and didn't wait longer than it took to put on socks and shoes to move it.

Now I'm sat on my bed with cold knees as I'm wearing shorts. My socks are wet and I had to dry my shoes as well lol. My coat got drenched, and as it's an old wool coat you don't notice how wet you are until ten minutes after you take it off lol. I have a sort of lingering chill across my shoulders and I suspect my night shirt it damp as well.

At least I can't say my life is always uneventful hahaha. If nothing else the weather keeps me on my toes.

The way your interests change

I was reading at one of my favourite forums about the religion of Ancient Egypt and about the modern day people that follow it in Pagan circles and I replied saying just how uninteresting I now find the topic... amazing when you consider just how I was obsessed with Ancient Egypt about 8 years ago! I have books (over forty of varying ages), tv shows, figurines, jewellery... I even have two scarves that have hieroglyphics on them, lol!

What's weird is that now, at this present time, I have no interest in Ancient Egypt at all... nothing, nada, zip! I was watching a programme about Hatshepsut the other day and I couldn't have been less interested if I'd been watching paint dry... to say I was bored would be an under statement... and I don't understand it at all. To go from thinking about virtually nothing else for years, to being in this state of abject not caring is fairly alarming, even worrying to me. Very rarely do I lose total interest in something that I used to love, and when I do I sort of seem to enter a kind of mourning phase for the thing/s I leave behind... and most of the time it doesn't last very long and something always comes along to pique my interest again after a while. Sadly I don't think anything is going to relight my passion for Ancient Egypt... I've felt like this for roughly 8 years and as each year passes I seem to care less and less.

I asked for advice on how to re-ignite my interest... but I don't think there is going to be an answer that will help me. I wonder if I've moved on from that phase in my life to something else? I don't know what to, as I have no current obsession with anything much at present, just many things I like, nothing that would be classed as obsession.

I wonder if I'm just too tired, in pain and worrying about my job to give my full attention to much of anything these days... (though I'm hoping to get out in the garden over the weekend and have a bit of a tidy up, bad arm permitting... I'm actually hoping that giving it some gentle exercise will help in loosening it up and help me to move it more, well it can't hurt... well, it really can, but I guess it hurts anyway so at least I can get the dead plants out of the ground and still be in pain rather than stare at their woody corpses out of the window all of the time LOL!!)

It's all just so weird!

**I have a new keyboard now which makes typing easier, if not painless, so at least I can type without having red hot daggers flare up under my skin... always nice I find to not have that feeling, LOL!**

So much for the next day update, lol

I've not felt comfy in even opening this page in case it's seen by "other people".

Fortunately they are both gone until Sunday at the earliest. Their friends are getting married on Friday so they are staying nearer to the venue (Pingu is sort of second best man... he'll get none of the credit but the silly sod is doing all of the running around, getting the stuff sorted that the "real" best man will no doubt get the thanks for at the reception *sigh*). I've no idea just why it takes four days, but I'm not complaining. I think that Pingu is getting his new tattoo started on the Sunday, it will be going from his neck just by his ear right down his right arm to his elbow... I have no idea just how much it's costing, but he's already put down a £200 deposit and he's giving them another £100 on the day!... and something tells me that he'll be going back at least three more times (such a huge waste of money, but there we go... both of them always seem to find the cash for stuff like that, yet not for the bills they should be paying... madness *sigh*)

Anyway... I started work with more kids today. A brother and sister (he 2 1/2 and she 5), three days a week, Wed, Thu and Fri. It means I lose my half day off Wed and my day off on Fri (which is a shame as I'd got really used to them, lol), but it's money and the little boy (I'll call him by his initial, G) is infinitely better than I thought he would be... if anything it's his sister (C) that is a bit of a whinger, but it doesn't work with us (others have tried and failed in the past, hehe). They weren't meant to be here tomorrow as their Mum came in and said they were both going to their grans' house, but it turns out their gran bogged off down to her caravan so they will be here after all (that's the main reason the kids are with us, their Mum was always being let down when it came to family taking care of the kids... sometimes she even had to take time off work as there was no one to care for them as had been arranged beforehand! :( )

It's really nice having spare money again (I was paid this morning for this week, which was lovely). Just to go shopping and be able to buy something if I want to (even though there is now nothing that I want, so ironic, hehe). To not have to worry about either having gas and electricity or eating... to be able to pay our bills and not keep having to stall people with empty promises to pay them later - well, it makes all the difference in getting a good night's sleep!

I was woken up three times by Pingu last night! I was livid this morning... I never wake during the night, so if I'm woken I end up feeling as if I've not been to sleep. He woke me at 3am crashing about in the toilet... then his alarm was so loud it woke me at 4.30am... and then he woke me again when he left for work at just gone 5am. The first thing I did with my new wages was to go into my local chemist and buy £2's worth of earplugs! I've been looking at the garish hot-pink soft foam rubber things for weeks, but resisted the urge to get them. However, last night convinced me that it would be a sound investment, lol. Typical that I buy them and then the noise is gone as they are both away for four nights, hahaha! I have no doubt that they will be worth every penny when they return, though.

So loving the cooler weather at the moment... sadly it won't last, but it's so much nicer being able to sleep in a cool room instead of feeling as if you've just layed down in Satan's armpit!

Not holding my breath, but...

... we have an appointment tomorrow at 10.30am at a car dealership a few miles from us to see about getting a car on Dad's DLA. We are hoping to get something like a Kia Soul (we have to have a car that is quite high so that Dad can get out of it, but also that is big enough inside to take me... being a person of huge size, and all). Plus I would like it to have three seats in the back (with seat belts) so that I can at least take us all to the coast if we want to go... there would be at least four of us if Sissy came, maybe five if my Nan came, too).

I'm still undecided about using it for the kids... when all is said and done, the job I do, I do to keep a roof over our heads, including Dad, so it is to his nest interests if I use the car to carrying on working. Would the DLA see it in the same way as I do... probably not. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose.

Mum is feeling quite excited at the prospect of getting a new car. All of the cars we have ever had have been second hand, sometimes third hand (or more), but as nice as it would be to have a brand new car, and as happy as I am over the fact that there is light at the end of this particular tunnel, another part of me is teetering on grief at the thought of losing my car... the car that my Dad bought me five years ago as a present for passing my test... the only car that has ever been mine. I feel very melancholy at the moment, and it wouldn't take too much to sit here and burst into tears. Just the thought of my car going to the crusher or being stripped for parts breaks my heart, it really does... but what can I do? Realistically we will be much better off financially in getting the new car (as the loss of DLA money is made up by the money we'd get back in tax and insurance from the old one).

I just have so many memories mixed up in that car... holidays with my Nana, trips with the kids, all of the fun and laughter that has happened inside it over the years. For someone that hates change and clings to the past to the huge extent that I do, it's like the passing of an era. One thing I do know... when we find a way to get my car taken away, I will not be able to watch her go... it would be too much for me to watch.

Must stop writing now... I'm getting far too upset.


**Please forgive any mistakes or spelling errors in the above entry... I'm far too emotional to read it through to check it :(**

CRAP!!!

Have just been told today that one of the kids is leaving! Apparently her Mum is going to college at the end of September and so we are under our month's contractual termination notice. I have a feeling it's mainly to do with the fact that I won't (well I don't see why I should really) pick the girl up from school... she's starting secondary school, has free bus travel under the oyster scheme here in London, yet her mother expects me to pick her up everyday (yet isn't prepared to pay the cost of fuel for the car!)... I don't think so!

We also have a three year old starting nursery, and a five year old to collect, both in different schools. So who would get priority? Mum can collect one child, I can collect another, so who do I get? I would have thought it was fairly obvious that you collect the ones that can't bring themselves home... no?! Kids of three and five have to be collected, or there is the 11 year old that can get herself back on the bus (for free, I might add). Not exactly brain surgery, eh?

I think the thing that annoyed me the most is that the 11 year old's mother had tried to blackmail us before giving the notice to leave... collect my daughter or else she's leaving! That made me want to call her bluff and tell her to go, right there!

We can cope... just! We are going to have to cut back on things, again, but hopefully we'll be ok (I can't believe that we haven't had many phone calls about work, and the ones that do come round to see us never get back to us, which really ticks me off, no end... surely common curtesy would dictate that if you're not interested that you call and say thanks, but no thanks?!)

I'm doing all I can not to worry, and am distracting myself with stuff online... I found a site that has loads of MST3K episodes (some I've never seen) available to watch for free (my favourite price, lol) so that's helping. Other than that I listen to music, read or cook, all of which calm me down somewhat.

**Sigh** Sometimes I'd just like people to stop being arseholes, it would be so bloody nice!!!!!