Not holding my breath, but...

... we have an appointment tomorrow at 10.30am at a car dealership a few miles from us to see about getting a car on Dad's DLA. We are hoping to get something like a Kia Soul (we have to have a car that is quite high so that Dad can get out of it, but also that is big enough inside to take me... being a person of huge size, and all). Plus I would like it to have three seats in the back (with seat belts) so that I can at least take us all to the coast if we want to go... there would be at least four of us if Sissy came, maybe five if my Nan came, too).

I'm still undecided about using it for the kids... when all is said and done, the job I do, I do to keep a roof over our heads, including Dad, so it is to his nest interests if I use the car to carrying on working. Would the DLA see it in the same way as I do... probably not. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose.

Mum is feeling quite excited at the prospect of getting a new car. All of the cars we have ever had have been second hand, sometimes third hand (or more), but as nice as it would be to have a brand new car, and as happy as I am over the fact that there is light at the end of this particular tunnel, another part of me is teetering on grief at the thought of losing my car... the car that my Dad bought me five years ago as a present for passing my test... the only car that has ever been mine. I feel very melancholy at the moment, and it wouldn't take too much to sit here and burst into tears. Just the thought of my car going to the crusher or being stripped for parts breaks my heart, it really does... but what can I do? Realistically we will be much better off financially in getting the new car (as the loss of DLA money is made up by the money we'd get back in tax and insurance from the old one).

I just have so many memories mixed up in that car... holidays with my Nana, trips with the kids, all of the fun and laughter that has happened inside it over the years. For someone that hates change and clings to the past to the huge extent that I do, it's like the passing of an era. One thing I do know... when we find a way to get my car taken away, I will not be able to watch her go... it would be too much for me to watch.

Must stop writing now... I'm getting far too upset.


**Please forgive any mistakes or spelling errors in the above entry... I'm far too emotional to read it through to check it :(**