I hate it when people lie to me

And when that person is a potential love interest it hurts even more when they finally admit the truth to your face.

See, I started something with someone online... and they basically used me for their own selfish ends and then dumped me and pretended like nothing happened. I don't think so!!

The part that hurt the most was that it is because of what I look like that they changed their opinion... and I told them it would, and they assured me it wouldn't matter, and then when they saw me everything changed, and although part of me was relieved another part of me was very hurt and also pissed off that I had been used and lied to the whole time!! It's taken me a week to finally get him to admit it, and now he has I feel surprisingly fine... sort of lighter and back to myself. I just needed him to tell the truth and stop feeding me bullshit and lies. I have no hard feelings and have told him that if he is willing to forget the past then so am I. I guess I'm just a forgiving kind of person and he is only 21 and probably still hurting from the break up of his first relationship two months ago. I like the guy and would still like to be his friend... but if not then I have lost nothing, and I can't change my nature and be a total bitch because that is not who I am... once my initial anger has faded I just have to get things back on a even keel again... it's just that I have to have that balance, but then I am a Libra and it shows ROFL!

If nothing else it has made me wary for the future, and also determined that nothing like it will ever happen again... and I'm also damned certain that I will never be suckered into situations that leave me wide open to being used again.

The past is the past, and I'll forgive but not forget. I firmly believe that to forget the past means you are doomed to repeat it, and that is never going to happen again. I do want a man in my life... but not one that is going to treat me like shit, I'm more than capable of treating myself like that and I need no help from anyone else... thank you very much.

As the old saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me!"

So much for the next day update, lol

I've not felt comfy in even opening this page in case it's seen by "other people".

Fortunately they are both gone until Sunday at the earliest. Their friends are getting married on Friday so they are staying nearer to the venue (Pingu is sort of second best man... he'll get none of the credit but the silly sod is doing all of the running around, getting the stuff sorted that the "real" best man will no doubt get the thanks for at the reception *sigh*). I've no idea just why it takes four days, but I'm not complaining. I think that Pingu is getting his new tattoo started on the Sunday, it will be going from his neck just by his ear right down his right arm to his elbow... I have no idea just how much it's costing, but he's already put down a £200 deposit and he's giving them another £100 on the day!... and something tells me that he'll be going back at least three more times (such a huge waste of money, but there we go... both of them always seem to find the cash for stuff like that, yet not for the bills they should be paying... madness *sigh*)

Anyway... I started work with more kids today. A brother and sister (he 2 1/2 and she 5), three days a week, Wed, Thu and Fri. It means I lose my half day off Wed and my day off on Fri (which is a shame as I'd got really used to them, lol), but it's money and the little boy (I'll call him by his initial, G) is infinitely better than I thought he would be... if anything it's his sister (C) that is a bit of a whinger, but it doesn't work with us (others have tried and failed in the past, hehe). They weren't meant to be here tomorrow as their Mum came in and said they were both going to their grans' house, but it turns out their gran bogged off down to her caravan so they will be here after all (that's the main reason the kids are with us, their Mum was always being let down when it came to family taking care of the kids... sometimes she even had to take time off work as there was no one to care for them as had been arranged beforehand! :( )

It's really nice having spare money again (I was paid this morning for this week, which was lovely). Just to go shopping and be able to buy something if I want to (even though there is now nothing that I want, so ironic, hehe). To not have to worry about either having gas and electricity or eating... to be able to pay our bills and not keep having to stall people with empty promises to pay them later - well, it makes all the difference in getting a good night's sleep!

I was woken up three times by Pingu last night! I was livid this morning... I never wake during the night, so if I'm woken I end up feeling as if I've not been to sleep. He woke me at 3am crashing about in the toilet... then his alarm was so loud it woke me at 4.30am... and then he woke me again when he left for work at just gone 5am. The first thing I did with my new wages was to go into my local chemist and buy £2's worth of earplugs! I've been looking at the garish hot-pink soft foam rubber things for weeks, but resisted the urge to get them. However, last night convinced me that it would be a sound investment, lol. Typical that I buy them and then the noise is gone as they are both away for four nights, hahaha! I have no doubt that they will be worth every penny when they return, though.

So loving the cooler weather at the moment... sadly it won't last, but it's so much nicer being able to sleep in a cool room instead of feeling as if you've just layed down in Satan's armpit!

Oh dear... revisited

Kyah is leaving, too... we were given our one months' official notice by her Mum about five minutes ago.

I really am not all that sorry... it'll be a stretch, money-wise, but the other kids are so much calmer without her here, plus I have to keep taking her home every night, and it's not my responsibility to take the kids home, that should be up to the parents. I wouldn't mind, but there is always an eighteen year old that is perfectly capable of coming and getting her (as she is the one that opens the door to us when I take her back)... but I still have to take her home in the car, or somehow get her there on the bus (and she lives about a quarter of a mile from any buses and with the buses not running up the hill, and seeing as Kyah is a nightmare, using the bus is not a very good option).

Anyway... I feel calmer now that I know where we stand. We can start advertising for other kids now... fingers crossed we get some takers :)

Some good news, though.

We finally got a reply from the DLA (Disability Living Allowance) about my Dad's claim... and they said YES!!!

Such good news, especially as they have back-dated the money to June of this year, so not only do we get more money monthly, but we also have had a nice lump sum put in the bank!   **does the happy dance**

That money will come in so handy, and we have already used some of it to pay the mortgage that hadn't been paid for last month as there is a hold up with one of the Mum's getting her Family Tax Credits (this makes seven weeks now that I haven't been paid) and we were starting to get letters from the building society getting nastier everytime, so hopefully now they will stop and I will be able to not have to panic at night before I go to sleep about being homeless for christmas! (and all week despite my best efforts, I have been worrying about just that).

Dad is also happier as he feels that he's doing something to help us out, even though it's just getting the money that he actually deserves (as so many times in the past he's been more or less told to sod off!)

I have a car...

.. AND IT WORKS!!!

I'm so bloody happy... turn the key in the ignition and it starts. Such a wonderful noise, and after the dreaded clicking that it has been making lately, such a welcome change.


I've been avoiding yeast all week, and I feel fine... no pain, bloating, cramps or other discomfort, so it must be that, as I've been eating pasta and soda bread (wheat of all kinds) and not a problem.

All in all, life is ticking along merrily at the moment - which makes a change from the semi-organised chaos that it usually seems to be LOL!!

Hopefully...

... the car problems will be fixed this time tomorrow.

We finally managed to get hold of the mechanic that used to be down the road from us... he's semi-retired and is now in Tunbridge, but he's up in London a few times a week doing jobs for old customers and friends. He tested the battery for me, and at first there was nothing wrong with it, but as I about to leave it made the very noise that I was trying (and failing badly) to describe that it makes. He then re-tested the battery and he thinks that it maybe faulty.

We have a new battery arriving tomorrow and he's going to fit and check it over for us (as for the current one, although it's probably still under a guarantee of some kind, we cannot find the papers for it here, and they don't keep a paper record of sales, only work carried out, so we can't prove how long we've had it, which is a shame).

So, hopefully, the car should be working again... so all I have to do now is pray that it passes it's MOT, LOL!

Think We Shall Be Switching Our Breakdown Cover!

The mechanic arrived yesterday evening (was meant to be here at 7pm, got here about 35 minures late) and he brought a new starter motor with him... only he didn't need to use it!! There was nothing at all wrong with the starter motor, or the alternator... the battery is crapped out and the guy that sold it to me two years ago (thereabouts) is no longer permanently around here anymore, he just flits about like the Scarlet Pimpernel (as in, "they seek him there, they seek him there...") and I only ever see him when I don't need him. So much for the three year warranty from him!!

So I have to get a new battery now!

The mechanic said which one to get and said that it should cost about £70 (splendid), but fortunately, the Mum of the boys that we have just taken on works for a motor parts supplier, and she's going to look into getting us one, wholesale, for half the price and Dad will put it on here (we have a battery charger and stuff to connect it). Dad did a mechanics course (years ago now) but I doubt that changing a battery has changed much over the years... plus he will feel useful again, and he doesn't get that feeling very often lately as he can't do the things that he used to do because of physical disablities.

As it wasn't a fault of the mechanics (or their part) he charged us the standard £55 call-out fee (that's also their hourly rate for working) and we now have to try and claim that money from the breakdown providers, as it was their stupidity/negligence/imcompetance that meant we called the mechanics back here in the first place!

That should be fun... the analogy of 'blood out of a stone' springs to mind **sigh**

Well, that's good news anyway

We called the breakdown guy out for the car, and he said that there is nothing wrong with the battery (which is fully charged) or the alternator (which must be fine as the battery is fully charged), it is the starter motor that is the problem. The breakdown man even bypassed the battery on the car, with one of those huge rechargable battery packs that give jump-starts, and that didn't work, so it has to be the starter motor.

But... we called the mobile mechanic out that put the starter motor on about six weeks ago (they are a 24/7 call-out place) and after profusely apologising for the bad part they are coming back out tomorrow sometime to replace it free of charge, as the current one is still under the it's one year warranty.

So at least it's not going to cost us anymore money (which is great as we haven't got any).

It still has to go through it's MOT sometime this month (can't find the old MOT from last year, as it's playing a splendid game of hide and seek, so will have to phone the garage that did it last year and ask them when it's due, get it booked in, blah, blah, blah)... at least, after tomorrow, I'll (hopefully) be able to drive it there myself... which is a relief.