... and the stupid place signed me in automatically *sigh*
I noticed I had a pm there (I forgot I'd received an email telling me over a month ago!) and when I tried to send my reply it told me I couldn't send it.
I've decided to save it here just in case I need it in the future, and it was also one of those messages that made me think about a few things regarding myself.
Oh, it was a Christian forum, by the way (hence the stuff about God).
Me - Sorry my reply has taken so long (I don't come here much these days... this is the first time since late last year).
To answer your message.
Dizdot - hey i saw you were asexual, I'm also super liberal but want to be asexual. I know they say its something "you cant change" but I also hear you can "train your brain" to think and feel like an asexual.
Me - Being asexual has nothing to do with being liberal that I'm aware of. It just means that sex is unimportant... to some it means that attraction to another is unimportant.
I've never heard of anyone wanting to be asexual before... most people fail to understand that we don't see sex and relationships the same way they do. I've also never heard of anyone "training their brain" to be asexual.
Dizdot - Basically I don't believe God wants me to find a girl in this life, but deep down I want one so bad, and it causes me grief.
Me - Why do you feel that God doesn't want you to have a girlfriend? Is it because you are too shy or lack the confidence to get one... or is it really that you feel God is telling you no? If the feeling is as strong as you say I would think that God was telling you that you do need one in order to be the person He wants you to be.
If you want a girlfriend in this life there is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to have a sexual relationship in order to be in a relationship. Many asexuals marry and never have sex (unless they wish to have children or feel the urge to try it).
Dizdot - Can you give me any advice?
Right now I am just focusing on thinking about sex and girls less, and "turning my mind away" when I see things that trigger it. Not easy though :sigh:
thanks
Me - if you have to do those things then you are not asexual... an asexual would look at those things and either feel nothing much or be indifferent to them. It sounds to me as if you feel for some reason that you need to be a celibate, which is totally different from being asexual. An asexual doesn't care about sex... a celibate does care yet chooses not to act out those feelings. Big difference.
I'm sorry if my reply is not very helpful. I've always been this way and have never been asked for advice about it before. If I've sounded harsh I apologise, it wasn't my intention to be :)
I've never been asked about asexuality before... I'm probably not a very good person to ask either. I've never had a boyfriend (except when I was seven years old and I doubt if the odd game of kiss chase counts as courtship lol). I do wonder sometimes what it would be like, I'd be lying if I said I didn't... but when I see the people around me and see sometimes just what hard work a relationship can be it makes me feel better about being single.
I also wonder about what my child would look like, but again the desire isn't strong enough to do anything about. Not that intense maternal feeling that some women have... I have never felt broody. I was always happy to hand the kids back and take the money for caring for them. The only part that causes me guilt is that my Dad will never be a grandfather, like his younger brother already is (and his sister is a three time granny). However the feeling is brief and then I go back to normal again lol.
Sissy is always chatting about weddings and I sit there when she waffles on about receptions and chair covers and think "what a shocking waste of money" and have made a vow to myself that if I ever do marry it will be the polar opposite of anything she would ever think of!
Don't get me wrong... I am a romantic person. I love the idea of moonlit walks and cheesy proposals. Of hugs and kisses... but that is where my interest ends. Anything romantic, yes. Anything sexual, no.
